World Cup 2010: Into Africa - Two Teams, One Cup

  • Aired:  06/10/10
  •  | Views: 232,605

John Oliver visits the US World Cup training camp as the team prepares to play its first match against England. (6:01)

PROGRAM.

THIS SATURDAY --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS

PLAYING OUR FIRST WORLD CUP

MATCH AGAINST OUR FRENEMIES

ACROSS THE POND ENGLAND.

NO ONE IS MORE EXCITED THAN OUR

VERY OWN JOHN OLIVER.

♪♪

>> EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT THE

BIG GAME ON SATURDAY.

>> THE AMERICANS WILL TAKE ON

ONE OF TOURNAMENTS FAVORITES,

ENGLAND.

>> THAT'S RIGHT, ENGLAND.

THE COUNTRY THAT LIVES AND

BREATHES THE SPORT, HOME OF

PREMIERE LEAGUE.

WE LITERALLY INVENTED THE GAME.

AND ON JUNE 12, WE'LL FACE OFF

AGAINST THE U.S.A., THE CLOWN

COLLEGE OF FOOTBALL SOX WHEN I

WAS GIVEN THE PRIVILEGE OF

REPORTING FROM THE U.S. WORLD

CUP TRAINING CAMP.

I APPROACHED IT WITH THE

APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF REFERENCE.

I'M HERE WITH THE MAGNIFICENT

U.S. --

[LAUGHTER]

SORRY, I'LL TRY AGAIN.

UNITED STATES SOCCER --

[LAUGHTER]

SORRY, DARFUR SHALL DARFUR --

[LAUGHTER]

I'M HERE WITH THE --

[LAUGHTER]

>> JOHN?

>> I GOT IT.

I'M HERE WITH THE UNITED STATES

SOCCER TEAM.

THERE WE GO.

[LAUGHTER]

>> STILL THEY HAD TECHNICALLY

QUALIFIED FOR THIS WORLD CUP AND

DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH

RESPECT.

>> A CHANCE TO PLAY ENGLAND IN

THE FIRST GAME IS AWESOME.

>> DO YOU HAVE A POSITIVE

MIND-SET GOING INTO THE GAME?

>> DEFINITELY?

>> WHY, WHY DO YOU HAVE A

POSITIVE MIND-SET WHEN YOU ARE

STARING INTO THE ABYSS OF

INEVITABLE DEFEAT.

>> THERE ARE NO EASY GAMES IN

FOOTBALL NAME APART FROM THE

U.S. AND YOU NEVER GET TO PLAY

YOURSELF.

IS THAT FAIR?

OF COURSE BEING AN AMERICAN

SOCCER PLAYER PRESENTS ITS OWN

UNIQUE CHALLENGES.

HOW DID YOU TELL YOUR PAR

PARENTS YOU WANTED TO BE AN

AMERICAN SOCCER PLAYER.

>> IT WAS EASY.

THEY WERE SUPPORTIVE.

>> YOUR DAD WAS SAYING, PLEASE,

SON, TELL ME YOU ARE GAY.

>> THAT'S NOW -- NOT

HOW.CONVERSATION WENT.

>> YOU HAVEN'T (bleep) TOLD

THEM YET.

NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO TAKE THE

BOLD STEP.

LOOK IN THE CAMERA AND SAY, MOM,

I'M A U.S. IS SOCCER PLAYER.

>> MOM, I'M A U.S. SOCCER.

[LAUGHTER]

>> YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CALL THEM

BEFORE THIS GOES OUT THOUGH,

YEAH.

TO SAVE THEM FROM FURTHER

HUMILIATION, I DECIDED TO TEACH

THEM BASIC FUNDAMENTALS.

THIS IS CALLED JUGGLING.

ONE AND ONE.

YOU TRY IT.

>> ONE, --

>> NO NOT LIKE THAT.

HOLD ON, NO, NO, NO, THAT'S NOT

IT.

DON'T OVER COMPLICATE IT.

GIVE ME THE BALL.

YOU GIVE ME THE BALL.

STOP IT.

GIVE ME THAT.

LEAVE IT ALONE.

SO THEY CAN DO CIRCUS TRICKS,

THAT HARDLY MAKES THEM REAL

FOOTBALLERS.

JUST TO BE CERTAIN THIS WAS

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT I WENT TO

A U.S. WORLD CUP WARM UP MATCH.

THERE WERE A FEW MORE FANS THAN

I WAS EXPECTED AND THEY WERE

PLAYING AT A SURPRISINGLY HIGH

LEVEL.

>> ENGLAND SUCKS!

>> THEY'VE HAD THEIR FUN BUT NOW

THEY'LL BE PLAYING AN ACTUAL

EUROPEAN TEAM, THE CZECH

REPUBLIC.

THIS OUGHT TO BE HILARIOUS.

OKAY.

ONE NICE DROP, BIG DEAL.

AND A PRETTY GOOD ONE DOWN THE

LINE.

WHOA, NICE THROUGH BALL.

OKAY.

HE SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO

THAT.

WHAT THE (bleep) IS GOING ON?

OKAY, ONE LUCKY GOAL, LET'S NOT

GET CARRIED AWAY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NO, NO, NO, NO.

SOMETHING WAS VERY WRONG.

WITH THE ENGLAND GAME OR THE

HORIZON, I HEADED BACK TO CAMP

KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO

DO.

I'LL TELL WHAT YOU YOU MUST DO

IN SOUTH AFRICA, A MIDNIGHT

STROLL WEAR AS MUCH EXPENSIVE

JEWELRY AS YOU CAN.

APPARENTLY A DELICACY IS RIVER

WATER.

DRINK GALLONS OF GALLONS OF

UNFILTERED RIVER WATER.

ALSO THEY NEEDED TO LEARN THE

LOCAL LANGUAGE.

I HAVE A FEW PHRASES YOU'LL

NEED.

THAT'S GREAT.

>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> IT MEANS IT'S A PLEASURE AND

AN HONOR TO BE IN YOUR COUNTRY.

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS I HAVE A

HEARTFELT MESSAGE FOR MY ADOPTED

COUNTRY.

JOKING APART, THE U.S.A. IS MY

HOME FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS.

I'M A HUGE FOOTBALL FAN.

I WANT TO WISH YOU THE BEST.

GOOD LUCK.

ALL THE BEST.

LET ME BE CLEAR IT'S NOT STUART

HOLDEN OR THE ENTIRE U.S.

FOOTBALL TEAM THAT CAN SUCK IT

AS FAR AS THIS REPORTER IS

CONCERNED COME JUNE THE 12th

IT'S ALL OF YOU, IT'S AMERICA.

YOU CAN ALL GO SUCK IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: JOHN OLIVER.

TUNE IN MONDAY, JOHN

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