Last Comic Commanding

  • Aired:  04/18/12
  •  | Views: 63,429

Diane Sawyer asks Mitt Romney about the real differences between himself and President Obama. (5:43)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.

SO WILL MEAN MITTSWORTH ROM ANY BUSS IS A LOCK FOR THE NOMINATION SO THE RACE FOR THE

PRESIDENCY CAN BEGIN IN EARNEST.

FINALLY WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE TPREFPBSS BETWEEN THE TWO CANDIDATES, THEIR IDEAS AND

GOALS AND RESPECTIVE PHILOSOPHIES ABOUT THEIR GOVERNMENT.

>> WHO'S FUNNIER, YOU OR PRESIDENT OBAMA?

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: OKAY, OR THAT.

OR THAT.

SERIOUSLY, THAT'S THE QUESTION YOU ASK?

HEY, LET'S FACE IT, DOESN'T MAT WORE WE ELECT, THE COUNTRY'S

(BLEEP) SOD WE MIGHT AS WELL HITCH A RIDE ON THE CHUCKLE BUS.

SO THE QUESTION HAS BEEN ASKED.

LET'S SEE WHAT ROMNEY HAS TO SAY ABOUT HIS SENSE OF HUMOR VIS-A-VIS OBAMA'S.

>> I HAVE NO FUNNY... I HAVE NO IDEA HOW FUNNY HE IS IN REAL LIFE.

>> Jon: I CAN HELP YOU OUT WITH THAT BECAUSE DIANE SAWYER'S

COLLEAGUE BARBARA WALTERS GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THAT.

>> YOU'RE A NONENY GUY.

>> YOU DON'T SEEM TOO...

>> I'M FUNNIER.

>> SHE'S FUNNIER.

I THINK WE ALL AGREE ON THAT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: ABC NEWS, AMERICA'S MOST TRUSTED SOURCE OF WHETHER

OR NOT PEOPLE THINK THEY'RE FUNNY.

(LAUGHTER) BUT ON THE QUESTION OF WHO'S FUNNIER, WHAT'S NEEDED IS THE

INCITE OF AN OBJECTIVE OBSERVER,

A FOZZIE T. BEAR, AN ANDREW D.

CLAY OR, FAILING THAT, ME, STAR OF SEVERAL COMEDY FILMS AVAILABLE IN A RITE AID DISCOUNT

BIN NEAR YOU.

(LAUGHTER) AND A ONE-TIME GUEST STAR ON "THE NANNY." (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!

THAT WAS ME!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) SO LET'S GET TO IT.

WHAT'S FUNNIER, ROMNEY OR OBAMA?

LET'S START WITH THE STIPULATION THAT THAT'S NOT REALLY A FAIR COMPARISON.

THEY'RE AT DIFFERENT POINTS IN THEIR COMEDY CAREERS.

THESE DAYS, BARACK OBAMA IS WORKING BIG ROOMS WHERE IT'S EASY TO GET THE BIG RESPONSE.

>> AS SOME OF YOU HEARD, THE STATE OF HAWAII RELEASED MY OFFICIAL LONG FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME I AM RELEASING MY OFFICIAL BIRTH VIDEO.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: BOOK!

HE'S KILLING!

LITERALLY, ACTUALLY.

DURING THAT SPEECH, AS IT WAS TAKING PLACE, AROUND THE SAME TIME SEAL TEAM 6 WAS TAKING OUT

OSAMA BIN LADEN.

THAT'S TRUE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) MEANWHILE, ROMNEY IS WORKING THE SMALLER VENUES SLUGGING IT OUT

DEALING WITH SMALL CROWDS LIKE THIS APPEARANCE BEFORE A GROUP OF OUT-OF-WORK VOTERS.

>> I SHOULD TELL MY STORY.

I'M ALSO UNEMPLOYED.

(AUDIENCE REACTS).

>> Jon: OKAY, TWO THINGS.

AS A SEASONED COMEDIAN, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU.

ONE, YOU WANT TO PUT DISTANCE BETWEEN YOU AND THE AUDIENCE.

THERE'S A REASON COMEDY ISN'T DONE AROUND A TABLE.

AND NUMBER TWO, YOU DON'T WANT TO HECKLE YOUR AUDIENCE.

(LAUGHTER) YOU DON'T WANT TO START WITH "HEY, I DON'T COME DOWN TO WHERE

YOU DON'T WORK AND KNOCK THE PAYCHECK THAT YOU DON'T HAVE OUT OF YOUR..." (LAUGHTER)

BUT TO BE FAIR TO ROMNEY HIS INFLUENCES AREN'T REALLY FROM THE REALM OF VERBAL COMEDY.

>> I USED TO WATCH LAUREL AND HARDY, THE THREE STOOGES.

EVEN THE KEYSTONE COPS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: HOW OLD ARE YOU?

BUT HE LOVES HIS SLAPSTICK.

CLEARLY THAT INFLUENCE SHOWS IN HIS WORK.

>> WATCH HERE AS ROMNEY PRETENDS THAT A WAITRESS HAS JUST GRABBED HIS BACKSIDE.

IT WAS YESTERDAY AT A NEW HAMPSHIRE DINER.

>> I GET RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE,

LET'S SEE IF I CAN GET MY ARMS AROUND EVERYBODY HERE.

COME ON IN, MUCH CLOSER, MUCH CLOSER!

OH, GOODNESS GRACIOUS!

OH!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT'S A SOLID BIT!

THAT'S A SOLID BIT!

THAT'S GREAT A UNCLE HUMOR, BUT STILL.

(LAUGHTER) WELL DEPLOYED, MUCH BETTER THAN THE TIME BIDEN TRIED THAT TRICK

ON A VISITING PACK OF CUB SCOUTS.

(LAUGHTER) WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?

ROMNEY'S GOT SOME COMEDIC CHOPS AND LATELY OBAMA'S BEEN A LITTLE

OFF HIS GAME COP DI WISE.

>> WE GOT RID OF ONE RULE FROM 40 YEARS AGO THAT COULD HAVE FORCED SOME DAIRY FARMERS TO

SPEND $10,000 A YEAR PROVING THEY COULD CONTAIN A SPILL BECAUSE MILK WAS SOMEHOW

CLASSIFIED AS AN OIL.

AND WITH A RULE LIKE THAT, I BESS IT WAS WORTH CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK.

(SMATTERING OF LAUGHTER) (LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SOMEONE'S SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TONIGHT!

SO IN THE THE FINAL ANALYSIS,

I'LL GIVE THE EDGE IN BEING FUNNY TO MITT ROMNEY.

YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE FOR HIM, COMEDY ISN'T A PAST TIME, IT'S A PASSION.

>> THE IMAGE, GOVERNOR, IS VERY STIFF, VERY PROPER.

>> IT'S FUNNY HOW THAT IS AND IT'S LIKE THAT MAY BE HIS PUBLIC

PERCEPTION BUT THAT'S NOT WHO HE IS PRIVATELY AT ALL.

>> IS SHE RIGHT?

>> YEAH, YEAH.

I MEAN, I LIVE FOR LAUGHTER.

I MEAN...

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: NOW I KNOW WHY HE TELLS SO MANY JOKES.

YOUR LIFE LITERALLY DEPENDS ON IT.

THE EDGE GOES TO ROMNEY BECAUSE HE LIVES FOR LAUGHTER UNLESS, OF COURSE, I KNOW THIS IS STUPID

BUT UNLESS THERE WAS A PIECE OF VIDEOTAPE SOMEWHERE THAT'S IMPROBABLE OF HIM SAYING THE

EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT ON THE SUBJECT OF HIS OWN COMEDIC SKILL.

ROLL THE VIDEOTAPE.

>> WE ARE HEADED TO THE NBC STUDIOS, THE "TONIGHT SHOW"

STUPID EAST COAST TO DO THE JAY LENO SHOW.

THEY SAID DON'T TRY TO BE FUNNY,

JUST ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.

SO I'M RARELY FUNNY ON PURPOSE SO WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

(LAUGHTER)

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