UH-O

  • Aired:  04/08/13
  •  | Views: 34,463

A mojo-less President Obama's budget proposal brings Republicans and Democrats together in shared dislike. (4:23)

Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

TONIGHT'S GUEST IS A GOOD ONE.

HERE'S WHAT WE'VE GOT.

WE'VE GOT DAVID STOCKMAN IS ON THE SHOW.

WE'RE VERY EXCITED.

HE'S GOT SOME CURES FOR WHAT ALES THE AMERICAN ECONOMY.

SPOILER ALERT.

$5 TRILLION COIN.

THAT WILL DO IT.

BECAUSE ONE, WHAT IS THAT GOING TO DO?

TRADITIONALLY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES SUBMITS A BUDGET DETAILING SPENDING

PRIORITIES IN FEBRUARY.

IT IS APRIL.

THE PRESIDENT HAS YET TO DELIVER.

MOST LIKELY TAKING GREAT CARE GIVEN THE ENORMOUS STAKES, WANTING TO FINE TUNE THIS BUDGET

TO GET IT JUST RIGHT.

IT COULD GO...

>> DEAD ON ARRIVAL.

THAT IS THE EARLY VERDICT FROM HOUSE REPUBLICANS ABOUT PRESIDENT OBAMA'S BUDGET PROPOSAL.

>> Jon: NOOOO!

IT CAN'T BE DEAD.

THEY SENT ME ONE.

NO AIR HOLES IN IT.

I'M SURE IT'S FINE.

I'M SURE... NOOOO!

NOT TODAY, BUDGET.

NOT TODAY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: WHY, THESE ARE JUST SCRIPTS FOR THE PHOTOCOPIED BUDGET COVER.

I'VE BEEN LYING TO EVERYBODY.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT THAT'S JUST IT.

THE RIGHT DOESN'T LIKE ANYTHING OBAMA DOES.

HOW DOES THE LEFT FEEL

>> FURIOUS DEMOCRATS UPSET ABOUT ENTITLEMENTS

>> VERY DISAPPOINTED.

THAT IS ONE BIG PILE OF

[BLEEP].

>> Jon: WELL, THE SENATOR FROM JURASSIC PARK IS CORRECT.

SO FINALLY BARACK OBAMA BRINGS REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS TOGETHER IN SHARED DISLIKE.

THE PRESIDENT'S MOW JOE SEEMS TO BE FADING.

EVEN HIS JUMP SHOT SEEMS TO BE GONE.

THE BRICK LAYER IN CHIEF RECENTLY GOING 2-FOR-22 ON HIS HOME COURT.

I DON'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING, BUT SOMEONE IS LAUGHING AT HIM RIGHT NOW.

"EVEN I CAN LAY UP.

I MEAN, COME ON." CAN OBAMA REGAIN HIS MOW JOE ON THE FUND-RAISING CIRCUIT?

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA IS GETTING SOME HEAT FOR HIS COMMENTS ABOUT CALIFORNIA ATTORNEY GENERAL

KAMALA HARRISON AT A FUND-RAISER LAST NIGHT.

THE PRESIDENT SAID SHE'S BRILLIANT, DEDICATED AND TOUGH AND ALSO HAPPENS TO BE BY FAR

THE BEST-LOOKING ATTORNEY GENERAL.

>> Jon: THE PRESIDENT SHOOTS.

HE... TWO THINGS.

ONE, I KNOW WE'RE ALL EXCITED FOR MADMEN TO BE BACK BUT THAT'S NO TIME TO GO DRAPER.

AND, TWO, THE BEST-LOOKING ATTORNEY GENERAL REALLY?

ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE DELL A BEAR A.G. BEAU BIDEN CRY?

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?

I DON'T KNOW IF HEARTS ARE COMING OUT OF MY EYES BUT THEY SHOULD BE.

I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE WHAT THE FIRST LADY MUST BE THINKING

>> BELIEVE ME.

AS A BUSY SINGLE MOTHER -- OR I SHOULDN'T SAY SINGLE.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN, I SHOULDN'T... I'M SORRY.

I SHOULDN'T SAY SINGLE.

I MEAN DIVORCED.

AVAILABLE.

I MEAN.

I'M SORRY.

I'M TIRED OF BEING MARRIED.

I MEAN, NO.

OBVIOUSLY WE'RE KIDDING HERE.

THERE'S NO TROUBLE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

THE COMMANDER IN COOL ISN'T GOING TO BE GOING ANYWHERE.

HE CAN GET BACK IN GOOD GRACES BY GOING INTO THE AL GREEN MODE.

♪ SO IN LOVE WITH YOU ♪♪

>> Jon: AT LEAST HE'S STILL GOT BEAU.

YOU KNOW, IT'S AMAZING TO THINK HOW FAR THIS PRESIDENT HAS FALLEN.

HOPE AND CHANGE DEMAGOGUE TO APPARENTLY WILL SMITH FROM "I AM

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