Clustershag to 10 Downing - Hung Parliament

  • Aired:  05/10/10
  •  | Views: 92,733

Great Britain has a ludicrously arcane system for breaking electoral ties where the queen appoints one of her Corgis as interim prime minister. (7:04)

[LAUGHTER]

BIG DOINGS THIS WEEKEND ACROSS THE POND.

IT'S ALL IN OUR LATEST INSTALLMENT OF -- ♪♪ -- FINALLY GREAT BRITAIN'S LONG

EXKRAOURBSATING SIX WEEK CAMPAIGN BATTLE BETWEEN GORDON BROWN, DAVID CAMERON AND NICK CLEG IS OVER.

>> GREAT BRITAIN WOKE UP TODAY TO A HUNG PARLIAMENT, 9 FIRST TIME SINCE 1974.

>> Jon: WHO COULD FORGET THE 1974 SHORT REIN OF PRIME MINISTER WILLIAM HUNG.

[LAUGHTER]

ACTUALLY -- ACTUALLY HUNG PARLIAMENT IS WHAT YOU GET WHAT NO PARTY RECEIVES THE 326 VOTES

NOSE FORM A GOVERNMENT.

SO -- VOTES NECESSARY TO FORM A GOVERNMENT.

SO NOBODY WON.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S AN UNUSUAL RESULT BUT I'M SURE THERE CONSTITUTION HAS

CLEAR RULES FOR WHAT TO DO WHEN IT HAPPENS.

>> THE UNWRITTEN CONSTITUTION OFFERS FEW RULES.

>> Jon: WHAT?

YOUR COUNTRY HAS BEEN AROUND A COUPLE THOUSAND YEARS AND YOU NEVER GOT AROUND TO WRITING DOWN

YOUR CONSTITUTION?

IT'S A GENTLEMAN'S AGREEMENT.

OOOH, WE THOUGHT WRITING IT ON PAPER WOULD BE VULGAR.

[LAUGHTER]

WE JUST WHISPER IT TO EACH OTHER WHILE WE'RE IN THE LOO.

[LAUGHTER]

SO WHILE THE ELECTION ITSELF WAS A BIT 6 A DISAPPOINTMENT, THE COVERAGE WAS TPAS GNATTING AND

TOP -- FASCINATING AND TOP SHELF.

THE BBC TOOK ONE CORRESPONDENT AND DIGITALLY RENDERED HUNDREDS OF MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT AROUND

HIM BEFORE BLASTING LASERS THROUGH THEIR HEADS.

HAVING COMPLETED LEVEL ONE THEY TRANSPORTED THE REPORTER TO A VIRTUAL STAIRCASE WHERE HE

CORRECTLY NAMED SEVERAL PAST PRIME PRIME MINISTERS.

THEN ON TO THE BOSS LEVEL WHERE HE WAS FORCED TO BUILD A MAGNITO STYLE WALKWAY THAT HE USED TO

APPROACH AND ENTER THE FAMED TEN DOWNING STREET WHERE ONCE HE WAS THERE HE ENCOUNTERS ZOMBIES!

NO!

NOOO!

IT WAS A TRAP, NOOO!

[LAUGHTER]

YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE UNLOCKED THE DOOR ON LEVEL TWO.

[LAUGHTER]

FOR MORE ON THESE DEVELOPMENTS WE'RE JOINED BY "THE DAILY SHOW"

SENIOR BRITISH PERSON JOHN OLIVER.

JOHN, THANK YOU FOR JOIN JOINING US.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> THANK YOU, JON.

NICE TO BE HERE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: I SEE YOU'RE WEARING THE ASCOT.

>> YES.

>> Jon: IS THAT IN SUPPORT OF ROLAND MARTIN BECAUSE I LIKE IT.

IT'S NICE.

>> WHO THE HELL IS ROLAND MARTIN?

I'M WEARING THIS BECAUSE CHILLY NECK BREEZES ARE THE LEADING KILLER OF BRITISH PEOPLE.

THAT'S WHY.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: JOHN, THE ELECTION IN THE UNITED KINGDOM WAS LAST THURSDAY AND THE ELECTION WAS

LAST THURSDAY AND YOU STILL DO NOT HAVE A PRIME MINISTER.

>> THAT'S RIGHT, JON, AND TO BE HONEST MY COUNTRY IS FALLING APART.

[LAUGHTER]

THERE ARE PROTESTERS IN THE STREETS SCREAMING THINGS THAT HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO

WITH SOCCER.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S CHAOS BACK THERE, JON.

THE QUEEN'S GUARDS DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO CRY OR LAUGH.

CREAM IS GOING UNCLOTTED.

TEA IS BEING TAKEN AT 2:15.

2:1, JON?

-- 2:15, JON.

>> Jon: 2:15?

>> INSTEAD OF 3:00.

>> Jon: I GUESS IT'S AND ARCHIE IN THE -- ANARCHY IN THE UK.

>> THIS IS A (bleep) JOKE TO YOU?

BECAUSE THIS IS REAL (bleep) LIFE, JON.

I'M NOT TAKING ANY OF YOUR (bleep), NOT TODAY, JON, NOT TODAY!

NOT WHILE THE EMPIRE IS CRUMBLING.

>> Jon: I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

>> YOU'RE NOT SORRY.

>> Jon: I'M SORRY.

WE WILL SERVE TEA AT THE PROPER TIME.

WHY DOES NICK CLEG, THE MAN WITH THE LEAST AMOUNT OF VOTES HAVE THE MOST AMOUNT OF SNOWR.

>> THAT'S THE GENIUS OF THE BRITISH SYSTEM, JON.

THAT'S HOW OUR FOUNDERS ENVISIONED THE IT ALL THOSE YEARS AGO WHEN THEY GATHERED TO

NOT WRITE DOWN A CONSTITUTION.

>> Jon: BY THE WAY, WHY DIDN'T THEY WRITE DOWN A KRAOUGS?

>> DO WE -- DOWN A KRAOUGS? -- CONSTITUTION?

>> DO WE HAVE TO DO (bleep) EVERYTHING, JON.

WE WROTE THE MAGNA CARTA.

DRY WITT THAT WAS OUR IDEA!

THE SNARKY UK COMMENTS, YOU GOT THAT FROM US.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: LOOK, JOHN, I KNOW IT'S BEEN TOUGH ON YOU.

>> IT HAS BEEN TOUGH, ACTUALLY.

>> Jon: I UNDERSTAND THAT.

I UNDERSTAND THAT.

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

IS THERE A COALITION WITH BROWN OR CAMERON?

CAMERON IS A CONSERVATIVE WHOP WANTS TO CUT PUBLIC SPENDING AND INCREASE RESTRICTIONS ON

IMMIGRATION AND KLEG WANTS --

>> THE OPPOSITE.

>> Jon: LABOR IS AN ALLEY FOR THE LIB-DEMS AND THEY HAVE --

>> THE LOSER STINK ON THEM.

>> Jon: WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY CAN'T FORM A COALITION?

>> WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY,

JON?

THE COUNTRY THAT SEES ITSELF AS THE MOTHER OF MODERN DEMOCRACY,

A SHINING LIGHT OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION HAS A LUDICROUSLY ARREST CHAIN SYSTEM FOR BREAKING

ELECTORAL TIES WHERE REPRESENTATIVES OF THREE MAIN PARTIES MEET BEHIND CLOSED

DOORS, STRIP TO THE WAIST AND EXCHANGE OPEN HANDED SLAPS ACROSS THE CHEST UNTIL ONE OF THEM FAINTS?

OR THAT THE QUEEN APPOINTS ONE OF HER CORGIS AS INTERIM PRIME MINISTER?

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT KNOW SAY?

-- WANT ME TO SAY?

>> Jon: I WAS ONLY ASKING A QUESTION.

[LAUGHTER]

>> BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS?

>> IF NICK CLEGG FAILS TO COME TO A DECISION BY THIS TIME NEXT

WEEK THE QUEEN ABOUT APPOINT AS BRITAIN'S NEW PRIME MINISTER SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: WINSTON CHURCHILL?

REALLY?

>> YES.

>> Jon: WHY?

>> BECAUSE MARGARET SCRATCHER IS A CAT, JON.

SHE'S A CAT!

AND WE'RE GOING TO PUT A CAT INH||

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