24-Hour Partisan People

  • Aired:  08/05/13
  •  | Views: 35,481

The Super Bowl becomes a political football, and Washington's "corpse flower" smells like Michele Bachmann's congressional career. (5:20)

>> WELCOME BACK IT WAS A

GORGEOUS WEEKEND HERE IN THE

NORTHEAST, SUNNY, NOT TOO

HUMID.

IF ARE YOU ANYTHING LIKE ME

IT WAS A PERFECT TIME TO GET

OUTSIDE, BUY A BAGEL AND

HEAD IMMEDIATELY BACK

INDOORS TO WATCH INTERNET

VIDEOS FOR A SOLID HOUR.

SPECIFICALLY YOU CHOOSE CAT

VIDEOS, LOOK, IT'S A CAT

PLAYING WHAT WATER.

CATS USUALLY DON'T LIKE

WATER.

BUT THIS PARTICULAR CAT

LOVES IT.

YOU SILLY SOGGY CAT!

YOU SILLY CAT.

JUST HARMLESS FUN THAT

EVERYONE CAN ENJOY.

AND THEN I MADE ONE CRUCIAL

MISTAKE.

I SCROLLED DOWN THROUGH THE

COMMENTS AND I SWEAR THIS IS

TRUE, BANG, OBAMA IS A

[BLEEP] IDIOT.

FOR NO REASON.

NOW LOOK, I COUNT STAND NJH

84'S POINT IF THIS CAT WAS

SOMEHOW INVOLVED IN A

BENGHAZI COVER-UP.

BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT

WASN'T.

WE DON'T HAVE THE EVIDENCE

THAT SUGGESTS THAT.

ALSO, IF THE CAT'S NAME WAS

OBAMA IT MIGHT MAKE SOME

SENSE.

ALTHOUGH IT WOULD STILL BE A

LITTLE HARSH, IT'S JUST

PLAYING WITH SOME WATER.

PUT TRUTH IS, PEOPLE NOW TRY

TO CRAM THEIR POLITICS INTO

EVERYTHING.

WE SAW IT JUST RECENTLY.

>> WITH ALL THE ATTENTION

THAT HAS BEEN LAVISHED THIS

WEEK ON THE ROYAL BABY THIS

SEEMS LIKE A GOOD MOMENT TO

TAKE A LOOK AT THE ISSUE OF

INFANT MORTALITY HERE IN THE

UNITED STATES.

>> DOES IT?

DOES IT SEEM LIKE A GOOD

OPPORTUNITY?

(LAUGHTER)

>> BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW T

ACTUALLY SEEMS LIKE AN EVEN

BETTER OPPORTUNITY TO NOT

BRING THAT UP.

BUT LOOK, THAT IS JUST ONE

GUY.

I'M SURE EVERYONE ELSE WAS

RESPECTFUL ON A UNIVERSALLY

HAPPY OCCASION.

>> EVEN THOUGH WE DO NOT

CAST BABIES AS FUTURE FIGURE

HEADS IN THIS COUNTRY, THE

FACT IS THAT THE ACCIDENT OF

WHERE AND TO WHOM WE ARE

BORN DETERMINES A TREMENDOUS

AMOUNT ABOUT OUR LIFE'S

OUTCOMES.

>> WE DON'T KNOW WHO IS

GOING TO BREAK THE BABY THE

NEWS IF HE BECOMES AN

AMERICAN CITIZEN, WHICH

COULD HAPPEN, WHEN OBAMACARE

IS GOING TO MEAN TO HIM.

>> IT'S A BABY!

IT'S A BABY!

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TALKING

POINTS ABOUT A PERSON BEFORE

THAT PERSON CAN TALK.

PLEASE, PLEASE UNDERSTAND,

THE ROYAL BIRTH WAS LIKE

BRITAIN'S SUPER BOWL.

TOTALLY OVERHYPED BUT FOR A

BRIEF MOMENT IT BROUGHT US

TOGETHER.

THINK ABOUT IT, EVERYONE

LOVES THE SUPER BOWL.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE GAME

THERE IS THE HALFTIME SHOW.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT THERE

IS THE COMMERCIALS.

IT TRANSCENDS POLITICS AND

BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER.

>> THIS IS PRESIDENT OBAMA'S

SECOND SUPER BOWL THERE

OFFICE SO WE THOUGHT WE

WOULD LOOK AT WHAT HIS

CHANGED OVER THE LAST FOUR

YEARS.

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO

THE MONEY YOU'RE SPENDING.

>> GOING HAVE A COLD ONE AT

THE SUPER BOWL PAEFERMENT

THE PRICE PER BEER UP 6.5%

FROM FOUR YEARS AGO.

>> CHICKEN LEGS FROM 51

CENTS PER POUND, GAS MORE

THAN 56%.

SINCE SUPER BOWL 43.

>> PLEASE DON'T RUIN SPORTS.

THE WHOLE JOY OF SPORTS IS

THAT IT'S AN ANESTHETIC, AN

ESCAPE FROM CURRENT AFFAIRS.

>> MOVING ON TO DWIGHT

HOWARD, HE'S LEAVING L.A.

HEADING TO HOUSTON.

>> TO PLAY FOR THE HOUSTON

LOCATES IN THE NBA.

>> THERE, THAT'S WHAT I'M

TALKING ABOUT, A SPORT STORY,

A PLAY, MOVING FROM ONE TO

THE OTHER, MILDLY

INTERESTING AND IT HAS NO

WIDER IMPLICATIONS

WHATSOEVER.

>> AMERICANS FOR TAX REFORM

DID THE MATH BEHIND HOWARD'S

DECISION.

THE HIGHER TAX LIABILITY IN

L.A. THAT INCLUDES STATE AND

FEDERAL TAX WAS LEAVE HIM

WITH AN ANNUAL SALARY OF

JUST OVER $10.3 MILLION.

IN TEXAS WHERE THERE IS NO

STATE INCOME TAX HORX WARD

WILL BE RECEIVING $12.4

MILLION EACH YEAR.

AND THAT IS YOUR DIFFERENCE.

>> LOOK, THAT'S NOT HOW FREE

AGENCY WORKS.

PLAYERS NATURALLY

GRAVITATING TOO WHERE TAXES

WERE THE LOWEST EVERY NBA

PLAYER WOULD BE PLAYING FOR

THE CAYMAN ISLAND CONCHES.

SO LOOK, FINE, FINE, IF THE

MEDIA IS GOING TO TAKE ALL

OF OUR INNOCENT PLEASURES

FROM SPORTS TO BABIES TO

KINTS AND SHOVE THEM THROUGH

SOME PARTISAN PRISM, I GUESS

THERE IS NO REFUGE LEFT

EXCEPT NATURE HERSELF, THE

GREAT OUTDOORS, FAR FROM THE

POLITICAL BABBLE.

>> AFTER MONTHS, YEARS

REALLY, OF ANTICIPATION, IT

IS HAPPENED.

WASHINGTON'S CORPS FLOWER

HAS BLOOMED.

A GIANT RAINFOREST PLANT

LIVING IN THE U.S. BOT ANIC

GAERNDS IS A GIANT FLOWER

THAT SMELLS ODDLY LIKE

ROTTING FLESH.

>> LOVELY.

A FLOWER, A LOVELY BLOOMING

MIRACLE OF NATURE.

SURE IT STINKS OF DEATH,

PEOPLE, BUT AT LEAST IT

DOESN'T STINK OF POLITICS.

>> THE CORPS FLOWER IS NOW

AT ITS PEAK SMELL THAT IS A

REAL THING, AN WILL REMAIN

OPEN FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS.

AFTER THAT THE FLOWER WILL

BEGIN TO COLLAPSE IN ON

ITSELF EMBARKING ON A TRA

JECK OTHER VERY SIMILAR TO

MICHELE BACHMANN'S

CONGRESSIONAL CAREER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND THERE YOU GO.

LEAVE IT TO CABLE NEWS TO

TAKE THE SMELL OF ROTTING

FLESH AND SOMEHOW RUIN

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