Space Race 1957

  • Aired:  12/16/13
  •  | Views: 64,939

China touches down on the Moon, finishing a distant third in the decades-long space race marathon. (3:33)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK TO THE

SHOW.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]WE TURN NOW TO THE GREAT CONTEST

AMONG NATIONS FOR DOMINANCE INSPACE.

THE UNITED STATES ON ONE SIDE,THE SOVIET UNION ON THE OTHER.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING,WASN'T THAT LIKE FOUR DECADES

AGO?

WELL, APPARENTLY NOT.

>> CHINA HAS BECOME JUST THETHIRD COUNTRY TO TAKE A SOFT

LANDING ON THE MOON.

BEIJING'S NEWEST SPACE CRAFTLANDED THERE TODAY.

>> Jon: TODAY!

IN 2013, TODAY, IT'S LIKE THENEW YORK CITY MARATHON YOU KNOW

HOW AROUND HOUR EIGHT THERE'SONE INSPIRATIONAL GUY IN A CAST

WHO WOULDN'T GIVE UP AND HEMAKES IT ALL THE WAY AND THEN HE

IS FOLLOWED BY ANOTHER GUY IN ABEAR SUIT FOR SOME REASON

(bleep) NOBODY KNOWS WHY.

IN THE SPACE RACE THAT BEARIS CHINA.

[ LAUGHTER ]THAT MEANS

IT'S TIME TODUST OFF THE

REOCCURRING SEGMENT SPACE RACE1957!

♪ SO WHAT DO WE KNOW KNOW ABOUT

THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLICS NEWMOON ROVER.

>> THE SOLAR POWERED ROVER WILLINSPECT THE MOON'S SURFACE FOR

THE NEXT THREE MONTHS IN SEARCHOF VALUABLE MINERAL DEPOSITS

IT'S CALLED THE JADE RABBIT. ANAME THE ENTIRE NATION VOTED ON.

>> OH, I'VE READ SCIENCE FICTIONSTORIES ABOUT THIS SORT OF

THING.

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE THEDAY THAT PEOPLE IN CHINA WERE

ALLOWED TO VOTE.

BOOM!

COMMUNISTS OLIGARCHY SLAM.

[LAUGHTER]IT'S IMPRESSIVE THOUGH THAT THE

ENTIRE NATION OF CHINA CAME OUTTO VOTE.

AMERICANS WON'T GET OFF THEIRASSES TO VOTE FOR A PRESIDENT.

>> THE NAME WAS DECIDED IN APUBLIC ONLINE POLL.

>> Jon: OH, ONLINE.

IT'S A PRETTY GOOD NAME JADERABBIT. IF AMERICA NAMED ITS

SPACE CRAFT USING WEB POLLS THENEXT SPACE CRAFT WOULD BE U.S.S.

RON PAUL 2012 #MILEY SUCKS.

>> TAKE A LOOK AT THE ASTRONAUTSO CUTE A MONKEY.

>> Jon: SO CUTE HE DOESN'TLOOK TERRIFIED AT ALL.

THAT IS A MONKEY HAVING A REALLYGOOD TIME.

[ LAUGHTER ]MORE FUN THAN A BARREL OF HIM.

[ LAUGHTER ]YES, IRAN SENT A MONKEY INTO

SPACE AND SAFELY BACK TO EARTHWHERE HE WAS GIVEN EITHER A

HERO'S WELCOME OR A JEWISHWEDDING.

[LAUGHTER]IF NOTHING ELSE SOONER OR LATER

IRAN WILL RUN OUT OF MONKEYS BUTCHINA YOU BETTER BACK OFF.

BEING ON THE MOON IS OUR THING.

WHEN WE STARTED OUT AS A YOUNGNATION WE DIDN'T GO, HEY, YOU

KNOW HOW WE CAN MAKE OUR MARK?

LET'S BUILD A GREAT WALL.

THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE THATWOULD LOVE TO BUILD A GREAT

WALL.

[LAUGHTER]SO YOU REALLY WANT TO STEP TO

US, CHINA BECAUSE THE MOON WASCHILD'S PLAY.

WE'RE ALREADY HALF WAY TO MARSMOTHER (bleep).

WHICH REMINDS ME, HEY, CHINA,CAN BE BORROW SOME MONEY TO

FINISH OUR MARS TRIP?

[LAUGHTER][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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