The Lost Channel of Atlanta

  • Aired:  04/04/13
  •  | Views: 3,061

Under the leadership of Jeff Zucker, CNN broadens the definition of news to include more goat holograms and murder dramas. (5:52)

OH, YEAH THAT'S THE MOVIE WHERE SHELLING LEARNED A GOOD LESSON.

I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED BY FOX AND FRIENDS.

THEY REPRESENT THE RIGHT.

MUCH OF THE SAME WAY THAT MSNBC REPRESENTS THE NEAR-SIGHTED.

WHICH BRINGS US TOM OUR MAIN -- BRINGS US TO OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CNN.

AS RECENT YEARS AS NEITHER THE LEFT NOR THE RIGHT BUT RATHER A STEADY SPIRAL DOWNWARD.

THEY TRIED TO FIX THAT STARTING AT THE TOP.

>> JEFF ZUCKER HAS BEEN TAPPED TO BECOME THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF CNN WORLDWIDE.

>> HE BELIEVES CNN PROGRAMS NEED MORE ENERGY AND MORE PASSION.

HE SAID HE WANTS THE DEFINITION OF NEWS TO EVOLVE AND DEFINE NEWS MORE BROADLY.

>> Jon: NO LONGER WILL NEWS BE DEFINED AS THINGS THAT ARE OR HAVE HAPPENED IN THE WORLD.

[LAUGHTER]

FOR INSTANCE, I LOVE THAT SHOW CSI, WHY CAN'T THAT BE NEWS?

I LOVE BRUNCH.

WHO DOESN'T LOVE BRUNCH?

THAT'S NEWS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOUR MONTHS TO CNN 2.0 IT'S TIME MEASURE THE PROGRESS.

>> REMEMBER THE LAUNCH THEY HAD SOMETIME BACK HERE WHERE THEY MANAGED TO PUT A MULTI-STAGED

MISSILE UP TO SPACE?

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: DID THEY HAVE MONITORS WHERE YOU WORK?

[LAUGHTER]

SENOR MIFL.

THEY ARE NOT REHERGS THE STUDIO BLOCKING BUT GETTING USE OF THE ROOM.

>> I'LL BRING THIS OUT, THE GOATS.

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SHOULD BUY GOATS AND THESE SHOULD BECOME GROUNDSKEEPERS.

I KNOW STANDING HERE AMID MY ELECTRONIC GOATS SEEMS SILLY.

>> Jon: NO,, NO, HOW ELSE COULD YOU EXPLAIN THE SEQUESTER THAN STANDING ON THE HOLODECK OF

THE STAR TREK ENTERPRISE WITH VIRTUAL GOATS.

IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE GOATS WHEN THERE'S A GUY NAMED WOLF IN THE BUILDING.

I GUESS THERE ARE WORSE THINGS YOU CAN DO.

>> JOE MORGAN TAKES THEM ON A WALK-THROUGH OF THE STABBING LIKE YOU'VE PERHAPS NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

>> SHE STRANS ADVANCED ON HIM -- SHE ADVANCED ON HIM AND STRUCK.

NINE TIMES SHE STABBED HIM.

HIS HANDS ARE CUT AND FINALLY SHE STABS HIM IN THE CHEST AND THIS ENTRY GOES RIGHT INTO THE

VENA CAVA WHICH IS, IN FACT, A LETHAL BLOW.

>> Jon: TO CNN?

THIS IS HORRIFYING BUT ONLY ON AN ABSTRACT LEVEL SOX FAR I'M ONLY BRAIN SICK.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING MORE VISCERAL, YOU KNOW, FOR MY BELLY.

>> LET'S ASSUME THIS IS TRAVIS RIGHT HERE.

TELL US WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

>> AS YOU CAN SEE TRAVIS IS LAYING IN A LARGE POOL OF BLOOD.

AFTER SHE TAKES THE KNIFE SHE PLACES IT AROUND HIS NECK AND CUTS UPWARD AND STEPS BACK.

>> Jon: OH, MY (bleep) GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT TO ONE OF HOLOGRAMS?

OH, MY GOD!

THIS IS THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.

THAT PIECE COULD HAVE BEEN SEEN BY ANY CHILD TRAVELING THROUGH AN AIRPORT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

PEOPLE DON'T REALLY HAVE IT ON IN THEIR HOMES.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THAT YOU HAVE TO FILL YOUR AIR TIME WITH MORE THAN JUST MURDER

DRAMAS WHICH IS WHY THEY FOLLOWED THE RIVALS BY RIPPING OFF THE VIEW.

MSNBC HAS ITS VERSION.

FOX HAS ITS VERSION.

CNN HOW WILL YOU INO RATE IS ON THE PANEL FORMAT?

>> NOW IT'S TIME TO GET TO THE POINT.

>> Jon: THAT'S THE TITLE OF YOUR SHOW?

I SEE WHAT HAPPENED YOU MISTOOK WHAT PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY YELLING AT THE TELEVISION WHEN

THEY WATCH CNN AS A SHOW PITCH!

GET TO THE POINT!

I LIKE IT.

I GUESS IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.

THE SHOW COULD HAVE BEEN CALLED "WHY IS THIS EVEN ON TELEVISION?

OR "PLEASE GOD HELP ME FIND THE REMOTE THE TV IS STUCK ON CNN AND I CAN'T CHANGE THE CHANNEL."

THAT'S UNFAIR.

I APOLL BUYS.

WHAT DID HE SAY.

>> HE WON THE LUCKY SPERM LOTTERY.

>> A LOT OF PEOPLE BELIEVE AMERICA IS RUN BY LIBERAL PEOPLES.

>> TIPS UP, HOSS DOWN, ASS UP NOSE DOWN --

>> IEWM A VEGETARIAN BUT I EAT BACON.

>> Jon: TO BE FAIR TO THAT WOMAN PERHAPS SHE'S JUST BROADENING THE DEFINITION OF VEGETARIAN.

I'LL GIVE "GET TO THE POINT" THIS IT'S GIVEN US THE SYMBOL OF CNN'S LACK OF DIRECTION IN THE

POINT OF ON-AIR PROMOS FOR THE SHOW WHICH MAKES IT SEEM LIKE THE LOWER THIRD OF THE SCREEN

HAS GONE ROGUE AND IS OFFERING THE OWN OPINION.

>> THE MESSAGE HERE IS WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH SING SHOW TUNES.

>> THAT'S WHAT I DO.

>> ME, TOO, WHY NOT, THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW.

I THINK WHAT THEY ARE TRYING TO DO IS JUST DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE.

>> Jon: YES, GET TO THE POINT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEE

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