Aliens vs. Senators - Bipartisan Support

  • Aired:  06/18/13
  •  | Views: 51,961

Immigration reform is good for Republicans because they think it will win them Hispanic votes and good for Democrats because it will actually win them Hispanic votes. (3:28)

( cheers and applause )

>> John: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW"!

I AM JOHN OLIVER STILL -- STILL

SITTING IN FOR JON STEWART.

JON STEWART WAS OUT HIKING AND

NOW HAS HIS ARM CAUGHT UNDER A

BOULDER.

(LAUGHTER)

DON'T WORRY, WE HAVE SENT A

RESCUE TEAM TO BRING HIM A SWISS

ARMY KNIFE SO HE CAN CUT HIS ARM

OFF.

(LAUGHTER)

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, COMEDIAN AND

AUTHOR JIM GAFFIGAN IS HERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HE HAS A BOOK CALLED DAD IS FAT.

BUT FIRST TONIGHT CONGRESS IN

THE A THREE WAY TIE FOR LEAST

POPULAR BRANCH OF GOVERNMENT.

(LAUGHTER)

HOWEVER THEY MAY BE ABOUT TO

ACCOMPLISH-- AND I KNOW IT

SOUNDS IMPROBABLE-- SOMETHING.

(LAUGHTER)

SPECIFICALLY IMMIGRATION REFORM

WHICH SUDDENLY HAS SUPPORT EVEN

FROM REPUBLICANS AND FOR ALL THE

RIGHT REASONS.

>> WE'RE IN A DEMOGRAPHIC DEATH

SPIRAL AS A PARTY AND THE ONLY

WAY WE CAN GET BACK IN THE GOOD

GRACES WITH THE HISPANIC

COMMUNITY IN MY VIEW IS

COMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION

REFORM.

>> John: AND I, LINDSEY GRAHAM,

SAY TO YOU THE HISPANIC

COMMUNITY, WE CHOOSE TO HELP YOU

NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO BUT

BECAUSE MATHEMATICALLY WE FEEL

WE HAVE TO.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IT'S HOW ALL HISTORIC SEISMIC

CHANGES HAVE HAPPENED IN

AMERICA-- WITH GREAT RELUCTANCE.

SO HOW HAVE THEY MANAGED TO MAKE

THIS BILL BIPARTISAN?

WELL, BECAUSE IT'S A WIN-WIN--

GOOD FOR REPUBLICANS BECAUSE

THEY THINK IT WILL WIN THEM

HISPANIC VOTES AND GOOD FOR

DEMOCRATS BECAUSE IT WILL

ACTUALLY WIN THEM HISPANIC VOTES

(LAUGHTER)

SOT WHAT IS IN THIS INCREDIBLE

PIECE OF LEGISLATION?

>> THE MEASURE CREATES A 13-YEAR

PATH TO CITIZENSHIP, RAISES THE

CAP ON VISAS FOR HIGHLY SKILLED

WORKERS AND STRENGTHENS BORDER

SECURITY.

>> Jon: OKAY, THAT SOUNDS GREAT!

(LAUGHTER)

I'VE GOT TO SAY, AS AN IMMIGRANT

MYSELF, THIS IS ALSO VERY

EXCITING.

ALSO SLIGHTLY ANNOYING BECAUSE

IF THIS LAW HAD BEEN PASSED

YEARS AGO I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO

SMUGGLE MYSELF INTO AMERICA

DRESSED AS AN ORDER OF FISH AND

CHIPS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT THAT MADE FOR A PERILOUS

VINEGARY JOURNEY.

TO GET 60 VOTES YOU'RE GOING TO

NEED PRETTY DEEP SUPPORT.

JUST HOW MUCH DO DO THE

DEMOCRATS WANT THIS?

>> (SPEAKING SPANISH)

>> Jon: OOH, POR DIOS!

(LAUGHTER)

(IN SPANISH ACCENT)

YOU ARE TOO MUCHO.

PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE TO WASH

DOWN YOUR LATINO PANDERING WITH

A MARGARITA.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT THIS ISN'T JUST ABOUT

POLITICAL POSITIONING, THIS IS

ABOUT ASPIRING TO OUR NATION'S

HIGHEST IDEALS, THE PRINCIPLES

THAT DREW OUR ANCESTORS ACROSS

THE SEAS.

>> IN MY CITY, MR. PRESIDENT,

THE CITY IN WHICH I WAS RAISED

AND IN WHICH I LIVE IS THAT

BEAUTIFUL LADY IN THE HARBOR

WITH THAT BRIGHT TORCH.

>> Jon: WE CALL HERON DA THE

DOCK WHORE.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SHE GIVES $5 BLOW JOBS TO

LONGSHOREMEN WHILE HOLDING A

FLASHLIGHT.

A REAL NEW YORK INSTITUTION.

NOW, WHAT WERE YOU TALKING

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