Spray It Forward

  • Aired:  11/28/11
  •  | Views: 144,844

Police pepper spray U.C. Davis student protestors, and a Black Friday shopper pepper sprays other Wal-Mart customers. (8:02)

BUT I HAVE A MIRROR I HAVE TO

LOOK AT NOW.

YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED WE WERE

GONE LAST WEEK.

TOOK A LITTLE BREAK FOR

THANKSGIVING.

HAD A LITTLE RALLY TO RESTORE

OBESITY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING

ABOUT?

HELP ME.

BUT IT'S ALSO TIME FOR

REFLECTION.

THAT WAS A (BEEP) SEGWAY.

I APOLOGIZE.

BUT IT IS A TIME FOR

REFLECTION.

I DIDN'T KNOW I WOULD BE

MAKING MY BELLY TALK AND THEN...

SO IN THE SPIRIT OF THE

HOLIDAY SEASON, I WANT TO

OFFER AN APOLOGY TO SOMEONE.

AS YOU MAY RECALL ABOUT TWO

MONTHS AGO WE TOLD YOU ABOUT

ONE NEW YORK CITY DEPUTY

INSPECTOR ANTHONY BALOGNE.

A.K.A.TONY BALOGNE.

HE GAINED A MEASURE OF INFAMY

FOR HIS WORK IN TESTING THE

TEAR DUCTS AND GAG REFLEXES OF

SEATED SLEEVELESS COLLEGE

GIRLS.

TURNED OUT THAT HIS ORIGINAL

HYPOTHESIS WAS CORRECT,

WEAPONS GRADE PEPPER SPRAY.

OF COURSE FOR MAYOR BO BALOGNE

RECEIVED QUITE A BIT OF

CONDEMNATION FOR HIS RANDOM

PEPPER SPRAYING OF OCCUPY WALL

STREATERS AND SOME HOMAGES

INCLUDING THE CREATION OF

NBC'S NEW HIT DRAMA TONY

BALOGNE, THE VIGIL-OGNE

STARRING CHRISTOPHER MELONI.

THE THEME MUSIC FOR THAT DONE

BY TONY, TONY TONY SPONSORED

BY RICE-A-RONI.

THE LEAD-IN PROGRAM, MY LITTLE

PONY.

WEIRD FIT DEMOGRAPHICALLY BUT

THEY WORK TOGETHER.

MY POINT IS THIS.

BACK IN SEPTEMBER INSPECTOR

BALOGNE SEEMED TO USE

EXCESSIVE FORCE.

AS IT TURNS OUT TONY BALOGNE

IS SOFT ON PROTESTORS.

>> THE POLICE AT U.C.-DAVIS

FIRED PEPPER SPRAY DIRECTLY

INTO THE FACES OF PASSIVE

OCCUPY PROTESTORS WHO REFUSED

TO MOVE AFTER BEING WARNED BY

POLICE.

>> Jim: YOU KNOW, THERE ARE

BETTER WAYS TO GET COLLEGE

KIDS TO MOVE.

HEY, EVERYBODY!

GREEN DAYS IN THE QUAD.

FREE TALK OWES!

WHAT?

THE INFIRMARY AS A HERPES

VACCINE?

LET ME SHOW YOU ANOTHER QUICK

LOOK AT THIS.

I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU THAT

THE SHAPES THAT THE OFFICER

APPEARS TO BE CASUALLY RUST-

PROOFING ARE HUMAN PEOPLE.

WITH EYES AND LUNGS.

THAT IS NOT A TERMITE NEST.

NOW YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING WHO

WERE THOSE THUGS?

WHO WERE THOSE THUGS BEING

DOUSED WITH WHAT CAN ONLY BE

DESCRIBED AS JERSEY SHORE

LEVELS OF ORANGE SPRAY?

IT TURNS OUT THEY ARE

STUDENTS....

( APPLAUSE )

... STUDENTS ENGAGED IN A

NONVIOLENT PROTEST AT THE

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA

DAVIS.

GO, FIGHTIN' PASS SIFT.

PROTESTING RECENT TUITION

HIKES AND THE OCCUPY WALL

STREET MOVEMENT.

THE CHIEF OF POLICE WILL

EXPLAIN.

>> FOR THE SAFETY OF THE

OFFICERS AND THE ARRESTEES SO

THEY COULD GET OUT AND LEAVE.

>> Jon: THE SAFETY OF THE

ARRESTEES.

APPARENTLY THEY WERE SPRAYING

THEM WITH NEOSPORIN.

NOW, THERE ARE SITUATIONS

WHERE POLICE ARE IN DANGER.

IN A CROWD.

AND THEY HAVE A VERY DIFFICULT

JOB.

IN ANY OF THESE SITUATIONS.

BUT IN THOSE SITUATIONS THE

POLICE USUALLY DON'T HAVE TIME

TO LAY DOWN PRIMER AND TWO

COATS OF PEPPER SPRAY AND THEN

STOP, READ THE DIRECTIONS ON

THE CAN AND GET IT NICE AND

MIXED UP.

I'VE SEEN PEOPLE PAINT MURALS

IN LESS TIME.

I DON'T WANT TO TAKE SIDES.

BOTH GREAT ARTISTS.

WE MISS THEM TERRIBLY.

STILL AS EXTREME AS THOSE

COPS' ACTIONS WERE IT'S

IMPORTANT TO KEEP THINGS IN

PERSPECTIVE.

IT'S NOT LIKE U.C.-DAVIS IS A

THIRD WORLD POLICE STATE WHERE

SOMEONE WITH A CRAZY ACCENT IS

WIELDING POWER IRRATIONALLY.

>> TODAY THE CHANCELLOR OF THE

UNIVERSITY APOLOGIZED.

>> I PERSONALLY FEEL REALLY

VERY BAD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED

TO THEM.

THE WHOLE INCIDENT.

>> Jon: THE CHANCELLOR HAS

SPOKEN.

AN APOLOGY HAS BEEN ISSUED

FROM THE CHANCELLOR.

HELLO.

YOU MUST RETURN TO YOUR HOMES.

THE CHANCELLOR HAS SPOKEN.

( APPLAUSE )

IT WOULD BE NICE IF HITLER'S

MOUSTACHE HAD A HANDLE.

THANKFULLY ALL THAT JUNK

HAPPENED BEFORE THANKSGIVING.

BY WEEK'S END ALL THOSE

STUDENTS WERE SAFE AT HOME

WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND MAYBE

GOT TO DO A LITTLE CHRISTMAS

SHOPPING WHERE THEY WERE SAFE.

>> ONE WOMAN WAS TO INTENT ON

GETTING HER HANDS ON A NEW X-BOX

360 AT A DISCOUNTED PRICE SHE

PEPPER SPRAYED HER FELLOW

CUSTOMERS.

>> OFFICIALS CALLED THE

WOMAN'S BEHAVIOR COMPETITIVE

SHOPPING.

>> Jon: MERELY COMPETITIVE

SHOPPING?

WHAT A WEIRD "SEX IN THE CITY"

WAY OF REBRANDING ASSAULT.

I'M NOT A MURDERER.

I'M A GHOST CREATOR.

BY THE WAY IF IT WAS

COMPETITIVE SHOPPING, I GUESS

SHE WON.

>> WHEN ALL THIS MAYHEM AND

CHAOS WAS GOING ON AND PEOPLE

WERE SCRAMBLING, SHE WALKED

OUT AND WENT THROUGH THE

CHECKOUT REGISTERS AND

ACTUALLY PURCHASED THIS X-BOX

360.

>> Jon: WHAT THE HELL!

I THINK THIS MAY SET A

PRECEDENT THAT'S BAD.

TONY BALOGNE USED PEPPER SPRAY

BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WOULD

BRING ORDER.

NOW IN ESSENCE IT IS ORDER

THAT HAS BEEN PEPPER SPRAYED.

WE'VE SUDDENLY BECOME A PEOPLE

THAT USE PEPPER SPRAY TO

ALLEVIATE MINOR

INCONVENIENCES.

PEPPER SPRAY HAS BECOME

AMERICA'S NEW CAR HORN.

PEPPER SPRAY IS OUR NEW (AHEM)

BUT AS LONG AS IT GETS YOU

YOUR X-BOX, THAT'S GREAT NEWS

FOR THAT SHOPPER'S KIDS

BECAUSE NOW THEY CAN PLAY THE

NEW FIRST PERSON SPRAYER GAME

BLACK FRIDAY.

IT'S A GREAT GAME.

LET ME SHOW YOU A LITTLE BIT

OF HERE.

HERE WE GO.

WE'RE GOING TO GO THROUGH IT.

NOW WE WANT TO GO DOWN.

>> THERE'S PLENTY OF STUFF.

(SCREAMING)

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

( APPLAUSE )

I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAD THIS.

FORTUNATELY PERSONALLY I HAD

THE GOOD SENSE TO AVOID THE

BLACK FRIDAY MADNESS.

THIS YEAR AND TODAY ESPECIALLY

CYBER MONDAY, I DO ALL MY

SHOPPING ONLINE WHERE YOU

DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

CRAZY PEOPLE THAT ARE GOING TO

BE DOING IT.

CYBER MONDAY.

LET ME JUST LOG ON.

ANOTHER (BEEP), (SCREAMING)!

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