Keep Calm and Carry to Term

  • Aired:  12/06/12
  •  | Views: 61,360

While morning sickness may be good enough for commoners, royals like pregnant Kate Middleton puke fancy. (6:16)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW, MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

GOING TO BREAK THE BANK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, RIGHT HERE ON THIS STAGE, SHOULD I SAY A CERTAIN BOSS FROM NEW JERSEY?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOT THAT ONE.

GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE.

HUH?

HE'S THE BOSS.

(APPLAUSE) THE OTHER BOSS.

FOLKS, WE'VE BEEN SO WRAPPED UP HERE IN THIS COUNTRY WITH OUR ELECTION, OUR FISCAL

CLIFF, OUR INATTENTION TO EVENTS IN EGYPT AND SYRIA THAT WE FORGET THERE ARE IMPORTANT INTERNATIONAL

STORIES THAT DESERVE OUR FOCUS.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS ONE.

>> YES, EXCITING THE BRITISH ROYALTY IS EXPANDING AM WILL AND KATE WITH PREGGERS.

>> SEE THAT, IT'S A ROYAL BABY BUMP, WHAT A JOY TO BE HERE ON THIS DAY OF CELEBRATION.

>> THERE'S THE PICTURE ON THE TIMES, WE'RE EXPECTING.

AND THEN I LOVE THIS ONE, KATE'S EXPECTATIONS.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: NOT BAD.

KIND OF OBVIOUS, I MEAN IF YOU WANT TO GO WITH PREGNANCY PUNS BASED ON BRITISH LITERATURE.

WHY NOT MacBIRTH OR WHY LIMIT YOURSELF TO ENGLISH LITERATURE Y NOT MADAM'S OVARIS.

(LAUGHTER) THE PRINCE AND THE HOPPER.

PORTRAIT OF THE FETUS AS A YOUNG MAN.

WAIT, WAIT!

PERHAPS DICKENS WAS BEST, A TALE OF SORE TITTIES.

(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

>> IT WAS THE BEST OF-- THE BREAST OF TIMES WHAT AN ERUDITE CROWD.

TITTIES.

>> COME ON, IT'S JUST A BABBEE.

YOU CAN'T TELL ME BRITISH PEOPLE ACTUALLY GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THIS STUFF.

>> I JUST COME AND IT'S REALLY EXCITING BECAUSE-- SORRY.

>> OH, YOU'RE HAPPY FOR THEM.

>> I AM HAPPY.

>> Jon: DON'T GET TOO OVERWHELMED.

THAT WOMAN IS THE ROYAL WEEPER.

FOR RUNS OF YEARS HER FAMILY HAS SERVED AS THE HOUSE OF WINDSOR'S OFFICIAL STRONG

EMOTION SURROGATE.

SO WHAT A COMMONERS THINK.

>> THAT'S JUST ANOTHER ONE, ISN'T IT.

YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT IS NOT THE ACCENT YOU EXPECT FROM APOPADOPOLOUS.

TO ME THE MOST STRIKING THING ABOUT KATE'S PREGNANCY IS HOW MUCH THE MEDIA WANTED

TO LET US KNOW THAT THEY TOTALLY KNEW SHE WAS PREGNANT.

>> TABLOID SPECULATION BEGAN EVEN BEFORE THE WEDDING.

FUELED BY EVERY TOUCH OF THE BELLY, EVERY SIP OF PLAIN WATER, EVERY DRESS WITH A

CHANGING WAISTLINE.

THE SIGNS WERE THERE JUST LAST WEEK DURING A VISIT TO CAMBRIDGE.

KATE WAS SPOTTED TICKLING THE FEET OF A BABY BOY IN THE CROWD.

>> THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHE'S PREGNANT.

THAT JUST MEANS SHE'S HUMAN.

HOW DO YOU NOT TICKLE A BABY'S FEET.

WHAT, BEFORE SHE WAS PREGNANT SHE WAS JUST GIVING BABIES THE HEIGHTSMAN, JUST THAT.

GET OUT OF MY FACE, BABY.

I'M NOT PREGNANT, I TICKLE BABY'S FEET.

THE DRINKING WATER, TICKLING BABY'S FEET, ANY OTHER SUBTLE HINTS.

>> INTRACTABLE VOMITING OR THROWING UP THAT GOING ON SEVERAL TIMEANCE HOUR.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: APPARENTLY THE DUCHESS OF WINDSOR HAS BEEN FLINGING HER BISCUITS, AS

THEY SAY.

SO WHILE MORNING SICKNESS MAY BE ALL RIGHT FOR COMMONERS, THE ROYALS PUKE FANCY.

>> SHE IS IS SUFFERING FROM WHAT IS CALLED HYPEREMESIS.

>> HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARUM.

>> ISN'T THAT THE SPELL THAT US ED TO DEFEAT VOLDEMORT.

>> HYPER, MESIS GRAVIDARUM.

BLAH.

>> HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARUM.

>> NOT COOL, HERMIONE.

>> LUCKILY KATES HAD NOW RECOVERED FROM THE VOMITING AND WITH ALL THE SPECULATION

ABOUT WHETHER SHE'S PREGNANT FINALLY BEHIND US, PERHAPS WE CAN GET DOWN TO MORE

SERIOUS SPECULATION.

>> THE BOOK MAKERS ARE ALREADY RUNNING BETS ON, YOU KNOW, IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL.

>> 8 TO 1 THE HAIR COLOR WILL BE GINGER.

>> WHAT WILL THE ROYAL BABY LOOK LIKE.

>> WHERE WILL IT GO TO SKL.

>> 8 TO 1 IT IS THE BABY IS BORN A GIRL, ELIZABETH.

>> BOY MAYBE, MAYBE CHARLES, MAYBE GEORGE.

>> THE WAGERING BEGINS.

>> A CHILD WILL BE BORN UNTO US.

AND HE SHALL CEASE UPON IT FOR O AMUSEMENT FROM THE GET-GO.

IT DOES RAISE THE PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION DOES LOSS OF PRIVACY AGAIN AT CONCEPTION?

LET'S HOPE.

FOR OUR-- FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT'S SAKE, SHE HAS A LITTER.

>> COULD THE MORNING SICKNESS MEAN TWINS?

>> HEADLINE THIS MORNING S IT TWINS.

>> MAYBE EVEN TWINS.

>> MAYBE.

>> SO IF IT'S TWINS TO CLARIFY THE DOCTOR WILL NEED TO DECIDE WHICH BABY TO PULL

OUT FIRST AND THAT WILL-- THAT'S THE HEIR.

(LAUGHTER) OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT A DOCTOR BUT I'M NOT SURE THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY, SCREW THE DOCTOR, LET THE IMPARTIALALITY OF THE CLAW

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