Denis Leary

  • Aired:  06/19/12
  •  | Views: 27,730

Despite rumors he starred in a previous Spider-Man film, comedian Denis Leary asserts that "The Amazing Spider-Man" is his franchise debut. (6:02)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

GI MIDWEST TONIGHT A VERY,

VERY -- MY GUEST TONIGHT A VERY,

VERY FUNNY ACTOR.

HIS NEW MOVIE IS "THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN."

>> MAKE YOUR POINT QUICKLY.

I KNOW WHO IT IS.

>> DR. CURTIS CONNOR.

WHO IS ALSO MY DAUGHTER'S MENTOR IS THAT WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT?

>> THAT IS THE ONE.

>> HE WROTE A GLOWING COLLEGE RECOMMENDATION.

WHEN I READ IT, I CRIED.

YOU WOULD HAVE ME BELIEVED HE'S RUNNING AROUND DRESSING UP LIKE A DINOSAUR.

>> NOT DRESSING UP.

HE HAS TRANSFORMED HIMSELF INTO A GIANT LIES YARD.

>> LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION: DO I LOOK LIKE THE MAYOR OF TOKYO?

>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE PROGRAM DENIS LEARY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> IT'S LINEN.

>> Jon: IT'S BEAUTIFUL PALE SOMETHING.

IT'S NICE.

>> IT'S SUMMERY.

I'M ALWAYS DARK WHEN I COME ON THE SHOW.

I THOUGHT I'LL BE LIKE A LIGHT SUMMER GUY.

>> Jon: YOU ARE GOING TO (bleep) ON THAT YOU'LL GO TO CARM YIENS AND BE LIKE MY JACKET.

>> HE KNOWS ME.

THIS WILL HAVE PIZZA JUICE ALL OVER IT IN AN HOUR.

>> Jon: SIT DOWN.

>> WAITING FOR YOU.

ASK CAN I SAY A COUPLE OF THINGS.

I'M FILLING IN FOR A GUEST WHO CANCELED SENATOR --

>> Jon: MARCO RUBIO.

>> I'M GOING TO LORD THIS OVER YOUR (bleep) HEAD FOR AS LONG AS WE (bleep).

>> Jon: ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RUBIO OWE OR ME?

>> ME.

I'M DOING YOU A HUGE FAVOR BY BEING HERE RIGHT NOW.

>> Jon: THANK YOU.

YOU OWE ME.

REMEMBER THAT LUNG TRANSPLANT YOU NEEDED?

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHO KILLED THAT VAGUE GRANT,

TOOK THE LUNGS AND STUFFED THEM DOWN YOUR (bleep) THROAT?

WHO DID THAT?

>> IT'S TRUE.

DID HE DO THAT.

>> Jon: YOU OWE ME, SISTER.

>> YES.

CAN I ASK A QUESTION?

>> Jon: PLEASE.

>> WAS THAT A COLOMBO IMPRESSION.

>> Jon: I WATCHED BEFORE THE SHOW STARTED TO TRY TO REMEMBER.

MY FIRST VOICE WAS THIS -- I DON'T KNOW LET ME ASKING A QUESTION.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO IMPRESSIONS.

>> WAS THAT INDIAN GUY YOUR OBAMA IMPRESSION?

BECAUSE IT (bleep).

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: CAN I DO ONE THING QUEENS GUY.

>> DO YOU THE QUEENS GUY GREAT.

>> Jon: AND OLD JEWISH GUY.

>> AND WHINEY JEW.

THAT'S YOUR NORMAL STATE OF BEING.

YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT IT.

>> Jon: THAT'S NOT AN IMPRESSION IT'S MORE OF JUST --

IT'S LIKE OH, RIGHT I'M AWAKE.

>> I GET THAT.

>> Jon: YOU DO WHINEY JEW REALLY WELL.

YEAH, YEAH.

I DO A VARIETY.

TIRED JEW.

>> YES.

>> Jon: YOU --

>> DO YOU ANGRY JEW.

IS HE NOT A GREAT AINGE ANGRY JEW?

>> Jon: I APPRECIATE THAT.

THE ANGRY JEW IS OF COURSE,

ALWAYS WHERE IS MY SANDWICH!

IT'S SANDWICH RELATED ANGER, BY THE WAY.

>> I SPENT MANY TIMES WITH YOU WHEN YOU WERE ANGRY OVER SANDWICHES LATE NIGHT AFTER GIGS.

YOU WERE ALWAYS ANGRY ABOUT A SANDWICH.

BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT PROPORTIONS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU GO TO THESE PLACES WHO MAKES A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH WITH (bleep) THREE INCHES OF BREAD

ON BOTH SIDES AND TWO SLICES OF CHEESE?

>> I UNDERSTAND.

SOMEBODY IS REALLY (bleep) OFF ABOUT THE SANDWICHES.

>> Jon: JUST BECAUSE YOUR PEOPLE HAVE NOT DEVELOPED TASTE

BUDS DOESN'T MEAN THE REST OF US HAVE TO SUFFER.

>> MY PEOPLE CAN TASTE WHISKEY SEVEN BLOCKS AWAY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BY SNIFFING.

>> Jon: THAT'S NOT TASTE.

THAT'S JUST SENSING IT.

>> SNIFFING THE AIR.

>> Jon: LET'S TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE.

>> THERE'S TWO MOVIES.

THERE'S ICE AGE 12.

>> Jon: OH, PLEASE.

THERE'S PAYCHECK 12 AND THEN THERE'S DID.

>> SPIDER -- "THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN".

>> Jon: WHY ARE YOU IN THE FIRST ONE.

YOU WERE ALREADY GREEN GOBLIN IF THE NIRTS SPEEDERMAN?

WHY ARE YOU -- IN THE FIRST SPIDERMAN?

>> YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM SECURITY BECAUSE PEOPLE THINK

I'M DEFOE -- DAFOE FROM SPIDERMAN.

I GET SECURITY BECAUSE OF WHO IS THE MAN?

GREAT HIP-HOP MOVIE.

>> Jon: DR. DRE.

>> I'M IN IT AND PEOPLE IN SECURITY SAY WHO IS THE MAN,

SERGEANT COOPER AND I GET HEY,

MAN, SPIDERMAN BEFORE I'M IN THIS SPIDERMAN MOVIE.

POOR DAFOE BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S GETTING OPERATION DUMB BOW DROP SOMEWHERE.

>> Jon: YOU THINK IN AIRPORTS THEY ARE LIKE YOU ARE NOT GETTING THROUGH HERE.

ARE WE DONE?

I SEE THEM GIVING YOU THE SIGNAL.

I'M FILLING IN FOR A SENATOR.

I SHOULD GET EXTRA -- I SHOULD HAVE -- I SHOULD HAVE LIKE AN EXTRA FIVE MINUTES TO TALK ABOUT

THE FARM BILL.

>> Jon: YOU HAVE TIME TO STICK AROUND AND GO TO THE WEB?

>> I'LL GO TO THE WEB.

>> Jon: THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN IN THEATERS --

>> AND ICE AGE 4 JULY 13.

>> Jon: YOU PLAYS THE WAMBAT AFRAID OF COLD WATER.

DENIS

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