Assume the Physician

  • Aired:  11/12/13
  •  | Views: 24,799

Members of the Fox News "Medical A-Team" appear to be less like doctors and more like shady expert witnesses paid by the defense. (5:34)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

AS WE DISCUSSED EARLIER IN THEPROGRAM, THE ROLLOUT OF THE

PRESIDENT'S HEALTH CAREINITIATIVE HAS NOT BEEN AN EASY

ONE APPARENTLY NOW WITH THE WEBSITE PUNCHING PEOPLE IN THE

DICK.

[ LAUGHTER ]IT'S WHY YOU CAN HARDLY TURN ON

A TV THESE DAYS WITHOUT SEEING AMEDICAL EXPERT PROVIDING

GUIDANCE.

>> NOW FOR PEOPLE WHO GO TO THEMARKETPLACE WHO ALREADY HAVE

INSURANCE THEY SHOULD CHECKAHEAD OF TIME TO FIND OUT

BECAUSE IT COULD INFLUENCE WHATTHEY ARE PAYING IN COPAYS AND

DEDUCTIBLES.

>> AS OF JANUARY 1,COMPREHENSIVE SERVICES WILL BE

AVAILABLE.

THIS IS SOCIALIZED MEDICINE.

>> Jon: WAIT WHAT?

WHAT WAS THAT LAST ONE?

THAT SEEMED LESS LIKE MEDICALTHAT SADVICE AND MORE LIKECAL

THANKSGIVING WITH YOURCRAZY REPUBLICAN UNCLE.

THIS IS SOCIALISM.

THAT'S DR. MANNY ALVAREZ, AVALUED MEMBER OF FOX'S MEDICAL

A-TEAM.

THERE'S NO MR. T THERE.

I SEE ALL GEORGE PAPARRD'S NOMR. T.

PAPARD REFERENCE WHAT IS UP?

ALVAREZ IS THERE BECAUSE HE HASTHE MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE TO MAKE

THE A-TEAM.

>> HEMORRHOIDS, ERECTILEDYSFUNCTION, MAN BOOBS, WHATEVER

YOU CALL THEM, MAN BOOBS ORMOOBS.

>> Jon: MAN BOOBS OR -- I CALLTHEM BROASTS, BOYBIES,

CHESTNUTS, MAN-OR IES.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAINS.

[ LAUGHTER ]REALLY?

THAT'S WHAT PUSHED YOU OVER THEEDGE?

I GUESS MEDICAL ADVICE ISN'TREALLY THE FOCUS OF FOX'S

MEDICAL EXPERTS.

THEY SERVE A MUCH MORE IMPORTANTPURPOSE TO AGREE WITH FOX NEWS

TALKING POINTS.

SAY THE PRESIDENT WANTS EVERYONETO HAVE INSURANCE, WHO BETTER TO

SAY THAT'S A BAD IDEA THAN ADOCTOR?

>> BEFORE THEY STARTED THIS WEWERE ALL IN TROUBLE WITH

INSURANCE TO BEGIN WITH.

THERE'S TOO MUCH HEALTHINSURANCE, IT COVERS TOO MUCH,

TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: CONGRATULATIONS, I'VE

NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE.

[ LAUGHTER ]THERE'S JUST TOO MANY PEOPLE.

HERE IS THE PROBLEM WITH HEALTHCARE, TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE

INSURANCE AND FOOD AND SHELTER.

I JUST DOESN'T FEEL SPECIAL IFEVERYONE HAS IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]BUT THESE DOCTORS DON'T JUST

TAKE ON OBAMACARE, THEY AREMEDICAL EXPERTISE CARRIES OVER

TO ANY FOX TALKING POINT.

>> RIGHT NEW WE FEEL LIKE IT'SUNAMERICAN TO BE A PATRIOTIC

AMERICAN IN THIS COUNTRY.

>> EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY ATEVERY LEVEL IS ABOUT REGULATION.

IT'S VERY SUSPICIOUS THAT APRESIDENT IS NOT COMING FORWARD

WITH HIS COLLEGE RECORDS.

>> MARRIAGE IS BETWEEN A MAN ANDA WOMAN.

NO GROUP BE THEY GAYS, BE THEYNAMBLA, BE THEY PEOPLE WHO

BELIEVE IN BESTIALITY, THEYDON'T GET TO CHANGE THE

DEFINITION.

>> Jon: NO GROUP, BE THEY FOXNEWS DOCTORS OR SERIAL RAPISTS.

I'M NOT SAYING THEY AREEQUIVALENT, I JUST PUT THE TWO

OF THEM IN A SENTENCE TOGETHER.

IT'S NEUROSURGEON BEN CARSON ANDHE WASN'T A FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR

WHEN HE SAID THAT.

IT WAS AFTER THEY HEARD IT THEYITSAID HIRE THAT GUY. YOU KNOWY

VLADIMIR LENIN>> ONE OF FOUNDERS OF COMMUNISM

HE SAID SOCIALIZED MEDICINE ISTHE KEYSTONE OF THE ARCH TO THE

SOCIALIST STATE.

IN OTHER WORDS, YOU HAVE TO GETTHE SOCIALIZED MEDICINE AS THE

FOUNDATION BECAUSE IT GIVES YOUCONTROL OF THE PEOPLE.

>> Jon: I DON'T WANT TO NITPICK THE DOCTOR HERE BUT

HISTORICALLY VLADIMIR LENINNEVER ACTUALLY SAID THAT.

IT'S A MADE UP QUOTE ANDARCHITECTURALLY, THE

KEYSTONE AND THE FOUNDATION AREDIFFERENT THINGS.

ONE IS AT THE TOP AND ONE IS ATTHE BOTTOM.

MY POINT IS THESE GUYS SEEM LESSLIKE EXPERT DOCTORS AND MORE

LIKE THE SHADY EXPERTWITNESSES PAID BY THE DEFENSE

TO SAY THAT THE BULLET WOUND ISMAYBE A THIRD NIPPLE, I DON'T

KNOW. I'M NOT A DOCTOR, BUT'TTHESE DOCTORS SEEM CRAZY.

WHAT FOX REALLY NEEDS IS ANIN-HOUSE PSYCHIATRIST.

>> JOINING US NOW IS FOX NEWSIN-HOUSE PSYCHIATRIST DR. KEITH

ABLOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: THIS ISN'T GOING TO

WORK OUT WELL.

DR. KEITH ABLOW DESPITE THE FACTTHAT HE IS A MENTAL HEALTH

PROFESSIONAL WITH A SEGMENTPRCALLED NORMAL OR NUTS, I CAN

ONLYHOPE HE IS THE VOICE OF SANITY

AND REASON.

>> DO YOU REALLY BELIEVECHILDREN ARE GOING TO TURN

TRANSGENDER FROM WATCHING CHAZBONO?

YES.

THE DEFENSE RESTS.

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