Despicable Memos

  • Aired:  02/21/13
  •  | Views: 41,120

Aasif Mandvi doesn't fear authorized domestic death drones because he definitely did not see the drone memos. (4:49)

COURSE, NAIROBI MEMORIAL.

WAIT, HOLD ON!

SO -- THE REPUBLICANS WANT INFORMATION ON THE BENGHAZI ATTACK WHICH THE WHITE HOUSE

SAYS IS POINTLESS.

THE DEMOCRAT S WAN TO KNOW THE LEGAL JUSTIFICATION FOR THE DRONE KILLING WHICH THE

PRESIDENT SAYS IS TOTALLY LEGITIMATE.

IT'S CLEAR WHAT THE PRESIDENT IS GOING TO DO NEXT.

>> THE NORKTS REPORTS THE -- "NEW YORK TIMES" REPORTS THEY ARE COOPERATING.

RATHER THAN AGREEING WITH DEMOCRATS TO RELEASE CLASSIFIED INFORMATION ON THE LEGAL JUST

FICTIONS INVOLVED IN THE TARGETED KILLING DRONE PROGRAM.

>> Jon: WHAT?

DO YOU REMEMBER THE STATE OF THE UNION WITH THE PROMISE OF TRANSPARENCY ON THE DRONES.

THE STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH PROMISES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SLIGHTLY MORE DURABLE THAN NEW

YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS.

IT'S BEEN TEN DAYS, MY MAN.

I WAS ON ATKINS AFTER JANUARY 1 FOR 12 DAYS.

COME ON.

I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED.

THERE WAS THE TELLTALE CUTAWAY AS HE WAS TALKING ABOUT TRANSPARENCY DURING THE STATE OF

THE UNION.

>> THAT OUR EFFORTS ARE MORE TRANSPARENT TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AND TO THE WORLD.

[ APPLAUSE ]

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: EVEN OBAMA THOUGHT THAT SENTENCE WAS (bleep).

[LAUGHTER]

BY THE MAIN QUESTION THIS RAISES IS: WHAT IS IN THOSE DRONE MEMOS THAT IS SO TERRIBLE THE

WHITE HOUSE WILL GIVE ANYTHING INCLUDING INFORMATION PREVIOUSLY NOT SEEN ABOUT THE BENGHAZI

ATTACKS NOT TO HAVE TO RELEASE THEM?

THE MORE WE GO TO SENIOR INTELLIGENCE CORRESPONDENT ASSIF MANDVI IN WASHINGTON.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

I UNDERSTAND, ASSIF, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU HAVE OBTAINED A COPY OF DRONE MEMOS.

>> WHAT?

UM --

>> Jon: ARE THOSE THE DRONE MEMOS RIGHT THERE ASSIF?

>> RIGHT WHERE?

WHERE?

>> Jon: IN YOUR HAND.

YOU GOT THE --

>> NO, NO, NO MEMOS.

NEVER SAW ANY MEMOS, JON.

I SAW THEM OH, MY GOD.

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING UP FOR?

WHAT IS THE UP THERE?

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING UP FOR?

>> NOT ANY WHITE HOUSE AUTHORIZED DOMESTIC DEATH DRONES.

THAT'S FOR SURE.

>> Jon: IS THAT A BULLET-PROOF VEST.

THERE ARE DRONES HERE IN AMERICA FLYING -- WAIT SHALL WHAT?

>> I WOULD KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THAT.

SO THERE WOULD BE NO POINT IN TAKING ME OUT BECAUSE I DID NOT SEE THE MEMOS.

OH, MY GOD I SAW THEM, JON.

HOLY (bleep) I SAW THEM!

>> Jon: ARE NAMES NAMED?

IS THERE A KILL LIST?

IS IT FUNDED BY FRIENDS OF HAMAS?

>> SORRY, JON.

IT'S GETTING COLD HERE.

ARE YOU COLD?

>> Jon: OH, YES, DID THE MEMOS DESCRIBE HOW THE PRESIDENT GETS JUSTIFICATION FOR THE DRONE

STRIKES, THE PROCESS THROUGH WHICH THE DRONE STRIKES ARE VETTED?

>> IT'S WARMING UP A LITTLE BIT.

>> Jon: YES, YES IT'S A MEMO -- IS IT LIKE A OH, BIDE SEASON A CYBORG KILLING MACHINE?

>> NO, NO A COLD BREEZE JUST CAME THROUGH JON, SO --

>> Jon: OKAY, OKAY.

SO IT'S LIKE SECRET COURTS AND STUFF, YEAH?

>> PLEASE, LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?

IF YOU THINK THAT THE MEMO STATES THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA FROM HIS DESK CAN CURRENTLY OPERATE

DRONES TO KILL ANY ONE ANYWHERE AT ANY TIME WITH NO LEGAL RESTRICTIONS USING A SPECIAL

X-BOX CONTROLLER THEN YOU ARE CRAZY.

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY.

OH, MY GOD I SAW THEM.

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD, ASSIF THAT'S AN AMAZING REPORT.

YOU JUST -- GET HOME SAFE ASSIF.

GET HOME SAFE.

>> THERE IS NO ASSIF.

JUST THE SOUND OF WIND BLOWING THROUGH THE TREES.

[MAKING WIND SOUNDS] ASSIF IS DEAD.

THERE'S NO WAY TO FIND HIM OR DETECT HIS BIOMETRIC HEAT SIGNATURE.

>> Jon: BIOMETRIC HEAT SIGNATURES IS THAT HOW THEY DO IT?

>> I WOULDN'T KNOW I'M JUST A TREE.

>> Jon: RIGHT, RIGHT, A TREE.

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IF A BIOMETRIC HEAT SIGNATURE IS THE THING THAT MAKES DRONES FIND YOU.

THANKS VERY MUCH, TREE.

GET HOME SAFE, TREE AND ASSIF, YOU DO KNOW IN FEBRUARY TREES DON'T HAVE LEAVES, RIGHT?

>> DAMMIT!

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: STAY SAFE,

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