La Douche Vita

  • Aired:  02/17/11
  •  | Views: 110,585

Venice sinks under the weight of Silvio Berlusconi's giant balls as he faces statutory rape charges. (4:03)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW"!

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A GREAT PROGRAM FOR

YOU TONIGHT.

THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING HERE

IN... NO?

IT'S LIKE 60 DEGREES OUTSIDE

TODAY, ISN'T IT?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I THOUGHT IT WAS NICE.

(LAUGHTER)

FORMER R.N.C. CHAIR ED GILLESPIE

IS GOING TO BE JOINING US TODAY

TO ASK WHY WE NEVER MADE A

MUPPET OF HIM.

(LAUGHTER)

WE NEVER THOUGHT OF I IT.

STEELE WAS SO MUCH MORE OF A

COMPELLING FELT FIGURE.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT FIRST, WE'VE ALL BEEN MOVED

BY THE IMAGES FROM THE MIDDLE

EAST, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF

NON-AMERICAN FLAG BURNING

CITIZENS CRY OUT FOR NEW

LEADERSHIP.

PEOPLE DRIVEN INTO THE PUBLIC

SQUARE BY YEARS OF REPRESSIVE

RULE.

AND THEN THERE'S ITALY.

>> A DAY OF PROTEST CALLING FOR

AN ENTRENCHED LEADER TO STEP

DOWN.

>> ONE BANNER READS "RESIGN AND

GET YOUR HEAD CHECKED."

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: FINALLY IT APPEARS THE

ITALIAN PEOPLE HAVE HAD ENOUGH

OF SILVIO BERLUSCONI.

THROUGH THREE TERMS AND ABOUT

NINE YEARS AS ITALY'S PRIME

MINISTER, THROUGH A TAX FRAUD

CASE RELATING TO A SPANISH

TELEVISION COMPANY, THROUGH AN

INFLUENCE PEDDLING SCANDAL

CONCERNING CONSTRUCTION

CONTRACTS ARE.

THROUGH ALLEGATION OF BRIBERY,

EMBEZZLEMENT, TIES TO ORGANIZED

CRIME, USING OLIVE OIL THAT WAS

NOT EXACTLY VIRGIN.

(LAUGHTER)

ALLEGATIONS THAT WERE

DE-EMPHASIZED THANKS TO A NEAR

MONOPOLY BERLUSCONI HOLDS ON

ITALY'S NEWS MEDIA AND RENDERED

MOOT ANYWAY BY A LAW BERLUSCONI

PASSED EXEMPTING HIMSELF FROM

PROSECUTION WHILE IN OFFICE.

NOW I KNOW WHY VENICE IS SINKING

IT'S UNDER THE WEIGHT OF SILVIO

BERLUSCONI'S GIANT BALLS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THEY'RE GIGANTIC.

I WAS IN ONE OF THEM ONCE.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GONDOLA.

(LAUGHTER)

WAIT A MINUTE.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M IN THE PRIME MINISTER'S

PANTS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT APPARENTLY ONLY NOW-- ONLY

NOW-- HAS HE GONE TOO FAR.

>> THE ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER,

SILVIO BERLUSCONI, WHO COMMENTED

TODAY ON CHARGES HE HAD SEX WITH

AN UNDERAGE PROSECUTE AT ONE OF

HIS BUNGA BUNGA SEX PARTIES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: I KNOW MANY OF YOU ARE

PROBABLY FOCUSING ON THE

COMPOUND ADJECTIVE BUNGA-BUNGA.

BUT IF I MAY, I'D LIKE TO DRAW

YOUR ATTENTION TO THE EARLIER

PHRASE "WITH AN UNDERAGE

PROSTITUTE."

WHICH IS ONE OF THE RARE PHRASES

THAT SOUNDS NO MORE ROMANTIC IN

ITS NATURAL ITALIAN.

I BELIEVE THE PHRASE IS

"A-STATUTORIO-RAPE."

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, BERLUSCONI NOW MUST

BE VERY WORRIED.

>> BERLUSCONI DENIES THE CHARGES

IN HIS FIRST PUBLIC COMMENT ON

THE ISSUE SINCE THE JUDGE'S

ORDER.

HE SAID, AMONG OTHER THINGS, "I

AM NOT WORRIED IN THE LEAST."

>> Jon: WOW.

NOTHING STICKS TO THIS GUY.

WHICH IS IMPRESSIVE BECAUSE,

AFTER ALL THE ALLEGATIONS YOU'VE

HEARD ABOUT HIM, IT SEEMS LIKE

HE WOULD BE QUITE STICKY.

(LAUGHTER)

THE GUY'S LIKE CHARLIE SHEEN

WITH DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND INSTEAD OF RAISING HALF A

MAN, HE'S RUNNING ITALY.

LET'S HEAR FROM ONE OF

BERLUSCONI'S LOVE-AGE FRIENDS

WITH BUNGA FITS.

>> HOW MUCH MONEY DID HE GIVE

YOU?

>> IT DOESN'T MATTER.

THAT'S NOT THE MATTER.

>> WELL, SOME PEOPLE SAY IT DOES

MATTER BECAUSE IT WOULD SUGGEST

THAT HE WAS EITHER PAYING FOR

YOUR SERVICES OR PAYING TO KEEP

YOU QUIET.

>> OR HE WAS HELPING ME JUST

BECAUSE HE CARED FOR ME.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: YEAH.

YEAH.

YOU'RE LIKE THE DAUGH

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