Feta Accompli

  • Aired:  06/18/12
  •  | Views: 45,947

Faced with financial ruin, Greece votes to stay within the European Union and enact strict austerity measures -- but no one bothered to tell the drachma. (4:55)

NO... FORGET IT.

ALL RIGHT.

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT THOUGH.

THE EUROPEAN UNION.

IT'S A FEDERATION OF NATION-STATES WITH A SHARED CURRENCY MUCH LIKE OUR UNITED

STATES OF AMERICA.

THE DIFFERENCE BEING OBVIOUSLY OUR AMBULANCES GO (MAKING AN AMBULANCE SOUND) WHEREAS THERE'S

GOES) MAKING SOUND) AND THEIR PHONES ARE LIKE (MAKING DIFFERENT SOUNDS.

ANYWAY THE POINT IS IT'S THE UNITED STATES WITH [BLEEP]

AMBULANCES AND PHONES.

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING AWAY.

EUROPEAN MEMBER-STATE GREECE RACKED BY CRIPPLING DEBT ON THE VERGE OF FINANCIAL COLLAPSE.

LAST MONTH GREEK VOTERS REJECTED PRO AUSTERITY CENTRIST PARTIES AND INSTEAD VOTED FOR BOTH FAR

LEFT AND FAR RIGHT PARTIES IN THEIR PARLIAMENTARY ELECTIONS.

BUT, HEY, THIS IS WHERE CIVILIZATION STARTED MUCH IT'S GREECE.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE INVENTORS OF MATH, PHILOSOPHY,

LESBIANS.

THE OPEN-FACE TURKEY SANDWICH.

IF ANYBODY CAN MAKE A COALITION GOVERNMENT OF NAZIS AND COMMUNISTS WORK, IT'S THE GREEKS.

THE INVENTORS OF THICK,

UNSWALLOWABLE YOGURT.

THE INVENTORS OF BALDNESS.

THE INVENTORS OF SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A PIE YET IS IS FILLED WITH SPINACH.

THE GREEKS CAN MAKE THIS WORK.

>> Jon: SHE MUST HAVE SAID VAGINA.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I EXPECT THAT SORT OF BEHAVIOR FROM THE COMMUNISTS.

BUT THE NAZIS?

THIS REALLY HURTS YOUR REPUTATION.

ALL RIGHT.

SO THAT COALITION ATTEMPT FAILED.

SO THE GREEKS WENT BACK TO THE POLLS YESTERDAY TO TAKE ANOTHER TRY AT PARLIAMENTARY ELECTIONS.

BY THE WAY, I SHOULD ALSO MENTION THE WHOLE [BLEEP]

COUNTRY IS ON FIRE.

THAT'S THE STORY ABOUT THE ELECTION AND THE FIRE AND SMOKE IS THE B-ROLL THEY HAVE TO USE

BECAUSE NOT ONLY IS GREECE FAILING FINANCIALLY, THE WHOLE PLACE IS ON FIRE.

I CAN ONLY PRESUME THAT ZEUS IN ANGER SAW MORTALS, THREW LIGHTNING AND THE WHOLE THING WENT UP.

MY POINT IS THIS, HERE ARE THE RESULTS OF THE ELECTION

>> VOTERS HAVE CHOSEN A NEW LEADER WHO WANTS TO STICK WITH EUROPE AND MOST OF THE ECONOMIC

SACRIFICES THAT REQUIRES

>> Jon: GREECE DID THE RESPONSIBLE THING.

YOU DON'T NORMALLY EXPECT THAT FROM A COUNTRY WHOSE WHOLE BLANK IS WRITTEN IN FRAT SYMBOLS.

THE EURO IS PRESERVED.

FOR MORE ON THE GREEK ELECTION AND ITS MEANING FOR THE EURO AS A WHOLE, WE GO NOW TO GREECE'S

FORMER CURRENCY, THE DRACHMA.

>> THE DRACHMA IS BACK, BABY.

PACK MY EXTRA SPEEDO.

LET'S GET BACK TO WORK

>> Jon: DRACHMA, ACTUALLY, WOW,

THEY VOTED ACTUALLY TO KEEP THE EURO.

>> WHAT?

THE EURO?

IMPOSSIBLE.

I HAVE THE STRENGTH OF A THOUSAND EUROS

>> Jon: ACTUALLY TECHNICALLY I THINK YOU'RE WORTH LIKE 1/100th

>> DRACHMA Jon: LIRA?

HEY, JOHNNY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

DRACHMA, YOU'RE GOING AWAY.

>> LIRA, I'M NOT GOING.

DO YOU BELIEVE IT?

Jon: GUYS, GUYS, GUYS.

YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER.

YOU GUYS ARE PRETTY VOLATILE

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING?

Jon: ISN'T THAT WHY YOUR COUNTRY GOT RID OF YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE.

THEY GOT RID OF YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR VOLATILITY

>> NO , NO, NO.

WE'RE JUST PASSIONATE

>> Jon: ISN'T THAT WHY THE POUND IS REALLY THE ONLY EUROPEAN CURRENCY THAT HAS SURVIVED?

>> NO, NO, NO.

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

NO.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> LIFE IS WORTHLESS PIECES OF COMIC PAPER.

I ONLY ASK BECAUSE I'M STILL IN FULL CIRCULATION.

LEGAL TENDER HERE.

I WOULDN'T-SURPRISED IF ANY MINUTE NOW SOMEONE PLUCKD ME OFF UP THE BEACH TO PURCHASE A

CADBURY CHOCOLATE.

JUBILEEEEE

>> Jon: BRITISH POUND, THIS IS MEAN

>> NEVER MIND.

I MUST BE EXCHANGED FOR GOODS AND SERVICES.

I'M VERY VALUABLE.

JUBILEEEEE.

>> YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO PARTY.

REALLY GOOD.

>> A PARTY?

WILL THERE BE BOATS?

>> WATER BOATS, YES.

Jon: ALL RIGHT.

GUYS, ENJOY YOUR CURRENCY ORGY.

THE DRACHMA, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT

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