Keep Calm and Carry to Term - Kate Middleton's Uterus

  • Aired:  12/06/12
  •  | Views: 99,455

Samantha Bee investigates Kate Middleton's uterus and discovers a royal suckler's paradise. (2:17)

MACHINE DECIDE.

(LAUGHTER) FOR MORE WE'RE JOINED BY SENIOR PRENATAL CORRESPONDENT SAMANTHA BEE.

SAMANTHA, THANKS FOR JOINING US.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: SAM, OBVIOUSLY THERE'S A LOT OF SPECULATION ABOUT THIS BABY, WHAT ARE

YOU HEARING?

>>.

>> JON, I CAN END ALL THE SPECULATION RIGHT NOW.

IT'S A BOY.

HIS NAME IS PHILIP, NOT A GINGER, THANK GOD.

LOVES ADELE, HATES RUSSELL BRAND.

BELIEVES THAT ONE DAY HE WILL GET IN INDIA BACK FOR ENGLAND.

>> Jon: WAIT, NOW THAT-- THAT IS INCREDIBLY DETAILED FOR THE FIRST TRIMESTER.

DID YOU TALK TO ONE OF KATE'S MADES IN WAITING, DID YOU GET AHOLD OF THE MEDICAL RECORDS.

>> JON, I JUST MET HIM.

I'M IN KATE MIDDLETON'S UTERUS.

>> Stephen: .

>> Jon: WHAT SM.

>> IT'S BEAUTIFUL, IT'S SO PRETTY.

>> Jon: REALLY FROM HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

>> JON, IT'S CALLED JOURNALISM.

LISTEN, I DIDN'T SPEND THREE YEARS WORKING FOR MURDOCH AND HACKING THE PHONES OF

DEAD SOLLIER'S FAMILIES TO NOT KNOW HOW TO SNEAK UP A ROYAL VAGINA.

WHOOO!

>> Jon: PRETTY ORNATE.

>> YEAH, WOW.

THIS THING IS A CRAZY UPGRADE FROM YOUR STANDARD BABY BAKER.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> THE EMBRYONIC FLUID IS A 1911 CHATEAU LAFITE THAT WAS RECOVERED FROM THE TITANIC.

THE UMBILICAL CORD, HAND SEWN CUSTOM HERMES ZUBLING AND ARCHIVAL PRINT THEY BROUGHT BACK JUST FOR THIS

LITTLE GUY.

AND OH MY GOD, THE UPSTAIRS MILK BAR THEY'RE PUTTING TOGETHER?

WHOA, THE SELECTION, WHOLE MILK, 1%, SOY, GOAT, MILLING FROM A JAMAICAN WET NURSE.

IT'S AMAZING.

>> Jon: REALLY?

>> YEAH, IT IS A SUCKLER PARADISE.

>> Jon: IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE YOUR WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU I SURE DO.

BUT NOW I'M GOING TO TAKE THE NEXT NUMBER 2 TRAIN OUT OF HERE F YOU KNOW WHAT I

MEAN, YEAH.

>> Jon: YEAH, NO, I-- WE GET IT.

>> I WILL RIDE ONE OF KATE'S ROYAL POOPS INTO THE TOILET.

>> Jon: EXPLANATION WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.

>> OKAY.

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