Catch Me if You Can't

  • Aired:  11/04/13
  •  | Views: 47,186

New York City mayoral candidate Bill de Blasio enjoys a comfortable pre-election lead over Joe Lhota, and John Oliver enjoys a pre-victory victory party at de Blasio HQ. (5:37)

NEW YORK DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY,THE CITY NEVER SLEEPS.

THE BIG APPLE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]BOOM!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]THE CITY SO NICE THEY NAMED IT

TWICE LIKE SIRHAN SIRHAN.

BAD EXAMPLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]AS YOU KNOW FOR THE PAST DOZEN

YEARS WE HERE IN NEW YORK HAVEBEEN UNDER THE

CONTROL OF A SODA HATINGLEPRECHAUN.

[ LAUGHTER ]WHO AS YOU KNOW --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]-- PURCHASED THE CITY WITH HIS

POT OF GOLD.

[LAUGHTER]BUT TOMORROW NEW YORKERS WILL GO

TO THE POLLS TO DECIDE WHO WILLFILL HIS SHOES, HIS TINY, TINY

SHOES.

I BELIEVE WE HAVE A PICTURE OFTHOSE SHOES.

HEY!

HEY, YOU -- STUART LITTLE.

GET OUT OF THOSE.

THOSE ARE THE MAYOR'S SHOES.

GET OUT OF THERE.

PS, THE MAYOR AND I ARE THEEXACT SAME SIZE.

RIGHT NOW THE MAYOR'S RACE ISBETWEEN DEMOCRAT BILL DE BLASIO

AND REPUBLICAN JOE LHOTA.BLASIOALTHOUGH CALLING IT A RACE MAY

BEA WEE BIT OF AN OVERSTATEMENT.

>> DE BLASIO HAS A 45% LEAD INTHE RACE TO BE THE BIG APPLE'S

NEXT MAYOR.

>> Jon: 45% -- THAT'S THE SAMEAMOUNT THAT HOT DOG IS BEATING

RAT ON A STICK AS NEW YORK'SNGFAVORITE STREET FOOD.

JOE LHOTA MAY COME IN THIRD TODRUNK ANTISEMITIC TIMES SQUARE

ELMO. BUT TO HEAR JOE LHOTA TELLIT HIS SECOND PLACE STATUS IS

AN ASSET.

>> HE SAID HE IS THE UNDERDOGBUT ADDED NEW YORKERS LOVE AN

UNDERDOG.

>> Jon: IF YOU WERE TEN POINTSDOWN YOU WOULD BE AN UNDERDOG.

AT 50 POINTS YOU ARE A SAD DOG.

YOU ARE LIKE THE KIND OF DOGTHAT SARAH McLACHLAN SINGS

SONGS OVER THE TOP OF.

♪ THROUGH THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL [LAUGHTER]

WOW.

RIGHT NOW THERE'S A MAYOR INTORONTO GOING I'M SMOKING WAY

TOO MUCH CRACK.

[LAUGHTER]I ALMOST FEEL BAD FOR JOE LHOTA.

HIS OPPONENT HAS A TON OFCHARISMA RIGHT DOWN TO HIS

FAMILY WITHTHEIR OWN SIGNATURE DANCE MOVES.

CHECK THAT OUT.

HOW DO YOU FIGHT THAT?

>> HE TALKS A GOOD GAME BUT BOYHE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO THE FIRST

INNING BECAUSE ONCE YOU ASK ADETAILED QUESTION IT'S BLAH BLAH

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: THAT'S YOUR BEST SHOT

WHEN YOU ASK HIM A QUESTION HEANSWERS IT WITH WORDS.

YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THATESPECIALLY WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN NEW JERSEYGOVERNOR JON CORZINE (bleep)

THE GRUMPY CAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]FOR MORE WE GO TO SENIOR MAYORAL

CORRESPONDENT JOHN OLIVER.

JOHN, WHERE ARE YOU?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> JON I'M AT DE BLASIO

HEADQUARTERS WHERE THE VICTORYPARTY IS WELL UNDER WAY.

>> Jon: THE ELECTION ISN'TUNTIL TOMORROW.

>> DOESN'T MATTER. WITH ANIMBALANCE THIS BIG,

THE OLD RULE OF POLITICS DOESN'TAPPLY.

HE CAN DO ANYTHING. HAVE YOUSEEN

HIS FINAL CAMPAIGNPOSTER IT'S A DICK PIC JON

>> Jon: I THOUGHT IT WAS THEEMPIRE STATE BUILDING.

I DIDN'T REALIZE.

>> DISPLAYING YOUR PENIS INPUBLIC IS USUALLY THE END OF A

NEW YORK POLITICAL CAREER BUTWHEN DE BLASIO RELEASED THOSE

PHOTOS HIS POLL NUMBERSWENT UP BY FIVE POINTS.

YOU MUST HAVE SEEN THECOMMERCIALS.

>> THIS TUESDAY VOTE FOR BILL DEBLASIO OR DON'T.

EITHER WAY HE HAS GOT THIS.

BILL DE BLASIO: ALREADY THEMAYOR.E BLASIO: ALREADY THE

>> ALREADY MAYOR, JON.

>> Jon: WOW.

>> MAYOR DE BLASIO.

HE IS COMING NOW.

>> Jon: WHOA HE IS SO TALL.

CRAZY HOW TALL HE IS.

I HAVE TO SAY WHEN YOU SEE ITLIKE THIS HE IS ENORMOUS.

>> HE IS ALMOST IMPLAUSIBLYTALL.

>> Jon: ALMOST COMICALLY TALL.

>> SO BIG.

SUCH A BIG MAN.

[ LAUGHTER ]THERE WE GO.

>> Jon: DID HE JUST ASK YOUFOR MONEY?

>> OF COURSE HE DID, JON.

WE NO LONGER HAVE MAYOR MONEYBAGS TRICKLING DOWN A GOLDENY

SHOWER OF MONEY ON THE CITY. SOWHEN MAYOR DE BLASIO ASKS YOU

FOR MONEY, YOU'D BETTER GIVE ITTO HIM.

UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEE HIM SCOOPUP A WOMAN IN HIS ENORMOUS PAW

AND TOSS HER FROM THE TOP OFTHE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.

>> Jon: YOU ARE GOING TO TALKABOUT HIM WHILE HE'S

STANDING NEXT TO YOU.

>> HE CAN'T HEAR ME UP THERE.

YOUR LACK OF MANAGEMENTEXPERIENCE WILL BE WOEFULLY

INSUFFICIENT IN THE FACE OF WALLSTREET LOBBYING.

NOTHING, JON.

ONLY HEARS THE BIRDS AND THEOCCASIONAL JET. HE'S VERY TALL.

>> Jon: HE REALLY IS. THANK YOUJOHN OLIVER AND MAYOR DE BLASIO.

Loading...