Barack and the Giant Speech

  • Aired:  02/13/13
  •  | Views: 1,186

President Obama delivers a State of the Union highlighting America's widespread poverty, failing education, and 70,000 structurally deficient bridges. (4:09)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

BOY DO WE HAVE ONE FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

WE'RE HERE LIVE FROM THE GREAT

CITY OF TAMPA.

NO THAT WAS --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GOOD MEMORIES.

JUST GOOD MEMORIES.

WE HAVE A GREAT ONE FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST FAWZIA KOOFI, AN

INCREDIBLE WOMAN, RUNNING TO BE

PRESIDENT OF AFGHANISTAN.

YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, WOMAN,

AFGHANISTAN, PRESIDENCY.

VERY EXCITED TO BE SPEAKING TO

HEMPLE INCREDIBLE STORY.

WE'RE GOING TO TURN TO ONE OF

OUR FAVORITE NIGHTS OF YEAR.

HOT OFF THE PRESSES ONE DAY OLD

EXPANDED COVERAGE OF LAST

NIGHT'S STATE OF THE UNION

ADDRESS.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA HITS THE

FLOOR FOR SOME REASON WITH

REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN ERIC

CANTOR IN TOW IN NO WAY MAKING

THIS SEEM LIKE A CHARISMATIC

STAR PERFORMER WALKING THE RED

CARPET WITH HIS AGENT.

BABY DOLL WE GOTTA MOVE.

MARIO LOPEZ HAS A SATELLITE

WINDOW WE HAVE TO HIM.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M SORE I'M -- SORRY.

JUST SWEAT AGE BIT.

I'M JUST GOING TO, JUST GOING

TO -- GET SOMETHING TO DRINK

HERE.

[LAUGHTER]

JUST SO THIRSTY I CAN'T --

SORRY.

SHOULD HAVE DRANK SOMETHING

BEFORE THE SHOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T THINK

AFTER THIS.

ANYWAY IT'S THE STATE OF UNION

SO AS THE LATE GREAT ED KOCH

WOULD SAY, HOW WE DOING?

>> A FAMILY WITH CHILDREN MAKING

THE MINIMUM WAGE STILLS LIVES

BELOW THE POVERTY.

THERE'S COMMUNITIES WHERE NO

MATTER HOW HARD YOU WORK IT'S

VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET

AHEAD.

>> Jon: I MEAN WHO IS RUNNING

THIS (bleep), RIGHT, PEOPLE?

COME ON.

HE SHOULD GET ON THIS STUFF --

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOR HOW LONG?

BUT UNFORTUNATELY THE PRESIDENT

CONTINUED PAINTEDDING HIS PICK

TURF AN AMERICA THAT SOUNDED

MORE LIKE AN APPLEBEE'S LADEN

DISTOAPIC HEALTH ESCAPE.

>> TODAY FEWER THAN THREE IN TEN

FOUR YEAR OLDS ARE ENROLLED A

HIGH QUALITY PRESCHOOL PROGRAM.

STRUCTURALLY UNSOUND BRIDGES

ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

>> Jon: WAIT, WAIT AS THIRSTY

AS I AM I DON'T KNOW WHY I WOULD

BE EATING SALT YEENS.

THAT IS JUST GOING TO MAKE THE

PROBLEM WORSE.

YOU WERE SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT

BRIDGE?

>> 70,000 STRUCTURAL DEFICIENT

BRIDGES ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

>> Jon: SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE LED

WITH THAT ONE?

70,000 STRUCTURALLY DEFICIENT.

SHOULDN'T YOU JUST OPENED WITH

THAT OR BROKE INTO WHATEVER

PROGRAMMING WAS PLAYING WITH AN

URGENT MESSAGE THE NIGHT YOU

FOUND THAT OUT.

HEY, EVERYBODY, THIS IS

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA THE

BRIDGES ARE DEATH TRAPS.

FOR THE NEXT THREE HOURS I'M

GOING TO STAND HERE AND NAME

BRIDGES.

THE AA AARONSON BRIDGE, DON'T

TAKE THE.

CLOCK WIPE.

ALL THE BRIDGES IN MADISON

COUNTY.

CLOCK WIPE.

THE TAPPAN ZEE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SERIOUSLY THAT THING IS -- WHOO!

GOD I'M SO SORRY, SO THIRSTY I'M

JUST GOING TO -- I'M GOING TO --

OH, NO.

I'M SO THIRSTY AND I ATE

SALTINES AND NOW I'M WORKING

OUT.

IT'S NEVER GOING TO HELP MY

THIRST, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO.

MR. PRESIDENT, YOU LAID OUT THE

LITANY OF WOE THAT FACES THIS

NATION.

I BELIEVE IT'S GOING TO -- THIS

IS GOING TO MAKE A HELL OF A --

SORRY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SORRY.

NOT GOOD.

[LAUGHTER]

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