America's Got Coverage

  • Aired:  04/08/14
  •  | Views: 91,846

The Obama administration somehow manages to meet its ambitious goal for Affordable Care Act enrollment. (4:07)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

GOOD SHOW TONIGHT.

MY GUEST WILL BE DENIS LEARY.

WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THEBENEFITS OF MEDITATION AND OUR

FAVORITE PALESTINIAN POLISHCUISINE.

[LAUGHTER]BUT FIRST -- A LITTLE DISCUSSION

WE WERE HAVING EARLIER IN THEAUDIENCE.

[LAUGHTER]THE END OF MARCH SAW THE

AFFORDABLE CARE ACT ENROLLMENTDEADLINE.

IT WAS A CRUCIAL TEST FOR THEOBAMA ADMINISTRATION THEY SET AN

AMBITIOUS GOAL LAST SEPTEMBER.

>> I THINK SUCCESS LOOKS LIKE ATLEAST 7 MILLION PEOPLE SIGNING

UP BY THE END OF MARCH 2014.

>> Jon: AND FAILURE LOOKS MEME PRETENDING WE NEVER HAD

THIS CONVERSATION. C'MON. 7MILLION ENROLLEES WITH A WEBSITE

YOU COULDN'T LOG ONTO FOR AMONTH,

AND GOVERNMENT MANDATED ABORTIONPANELS FOR PUPPIES.

YOU'LL NEVER GET THERE.

>> IN 5 MONTHS ALLEGEDLY FOURMILLION PEOPLE SIGNED UP.

THEY EXPECT TO GET THREE MOREMILLION IN ONE MONTH. WOW,

THIS IS GOING TO BE A DISASTER.

>> Jon: DISASTER! IT'SA FEVER DREAM. A PREPOSTEROUS

FANTASY FIT MORE BY THEOUTLANDISH RAMBLINGS OF

AN OPIATE FIEND AS HELAYS BABBLING IN A DRUG

INDUCED STUPOR ON ASOILED ALPHABET CITY MATTRESS.

I WATCHED CHINATOWN LAST NIGHT,I'M SORRY.

SO THE DEADLINE PASSED.

GIVE US THE TOTAL.

>> 7.1 MILLION AMERICANS HAVENOW SIGNED UP FOR PRIVATE

INSURANCE PLANS THROUGH THESEMARKETPLACES.

7.1.

>> Jon: WOW.

GOT IT ALMOST EXACTLY.

[LAUGHTER]WITH A HEALTHY 1.4% MARGIN OF

ERROR THAT WILL EASE SUSPICIONS.

QUEUE THE CELEBRATION.

>> HOW REAL ARE THOSE NUMBERS?

>> THIS IS A PHONY NUMBER.

>> I ACTUALLY THINK THE WHITEHOUSE IS STRAIGHT UP LYING ABOUT

THESE NUMBERS.

>> THIS IS A SHAM.

>> I THINK THEY ARE COOKING THEBOOKS ON THIS.

>> Jon: IF I KNOW THISADMINISTRATION THEY ARE PROBABLYSTEAMING

THE BOOKS INSTEAD OF COOING THEMWITH OIL OR BUTTER.

MIGHT GIVE THE BOOKS SOMEFLAVOR, AND THEY'RE PROBABLY

SERVING MACROBIOTIC KALE WITHTHE BOOKS.

AND FOR DESSERT WITH THE BOOKSSOME SORT OF

MIDDLE EASTERN HONEY PASTRY WITHFLAXSEED THAT NOBODY LIKES AND

THEN AFTERWARDS THEY'LL COMPOSTTHEIR STEAMED BOOK (bleep).

[ LAUGHTER ]COMMUNISTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS RATHER

FORTUITOUS INCREASE.

>> 7.1 MILLION FOLKS HAVE HEALTHINSURANCE BECAUSE PEOPLE GOT THE

WORD OUT.

WE DIDN'T MAKE A HARD SELL.

>> Jon: WHAT?

[LAUGHTER]WORD OF MOUTH.

YOU DIDN'T MAKE A HARD SELL.

THE SIGNUP WAS THE CENTER PIECEOF YOUR STATE OF THE UNION

ADDRESS.

YOU TALKED IT UP ON ELLEN, ONRACHEL RAY, ON THE TONIGHT SHOW,

ENLISTED AN ARMY OF PROFESSIONALATHLETES, EVERY ACTOR IN

HOLLYWOOD.

YOU SAT BETWEEN TWO FERNS ANDTHEN THERE WAS WHATEVER THE HELL

THIS IS.

♪ LISTEN TO ME, A TALKING PUGYOU SEE IF YOU GET HEALTH

INSURANCE PREVENTATIVECARE IS NOW FREE ♪

>> Jon: DIDN'T GIVE THE HARD

SELL?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]FOR GOD SAKES YOU TAUGHT A DOG

TO RAP ABOUT HEALTH INSURANCE.

EVEN THE TACO BELL CHIHUAHUA WASLIKE YO QUIERO, WE GET IT.

BUT APPARENTLY, ACCORDING TOBRENT BOZELL OF THE

CONSERVATIVE MEDIA RESEARCH(bleep), I MEAN CENTER.

[ LAUGHTER ]THE GOVERNMENT HAD A SECRET

OBAMACARE ENROLLMENT SELLINGWEAPON.

>> FOR MORE THAN A YEAR THESPANISH LANGUAGE TELEVISION

NETWORK UNIVISION HAS EMBARKEDON THEIR OWN COMPANY WIDE EFFORT

TO GET LATINOS SIGNEDUP FOR THE EXCHANGES.

>> Jon: BASTARDOS! HOW DARE ACABLE NETWORK USE ITS REACH TO

HELP THE AUDIENCE COMPLY WITHTHE LAW.

THAT'S NOT NEWS.

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