Know What, We'll Take It

  • Aired:  06/11/14
  •  | Views: 65,878

While school shootings have become commonplace occurrences, there are still some violent news stories that have relatively happy endings. (6:03)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

NOW, OBVIOUSLY YESTERDAY INOREGON THERE WAS A TERRIBLE

TRAGEDY, ANOTHER SCHOOLSHOOTING, A STUDENT DEAD AND A

TEACHER WOUNDED.

>> BREAKING TONIGHT, A STUNNINGDEVELOPMENT.

>> I... YOU CAN SEE I'MSPEECHLESS.

>> THIS IS SOMETHING A LOT OFPEOPLE NEVER SAW COMING.

>> IT IS A SHOCK.

>> NUMB FROM THE SHOCK.

>> Jon: I'M SORRY THAT

WAS THE MEDIA RESPONDING TO ANINCUMBENT ACTUALLY LOSING AN

ELECTION.

THIS IS HOW THEY REACTED TOANOTHER SCHOOL SHOOTING.

>> ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SCHOOLSHOOTING.

>> ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SCHOOLSHOOTING.

THIS STORY IS GETTING OLD.

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TODO?

IT'S NOT LIKE AN INCUMBENT LOSTAN ELECTION.

I MEAN, THAT... THIS IS HOWINURED WE'VE BECOME TO THE

VIOLENCE. THERE HAVEBEEN 74 SCHOOL

SHOOTINGS IN JUST THE 18 MONTHSSINCE NEWTOWN. 74!

YOU COULD NAME EVERY BASKINROBINS FLAVOR FOR EACH ONE, AND

NOT ONLY WOULD YOU STILL HAVEPLENTY LEFT OVER, YOU WOULD BE

THE OWNER OF THE WORLD'S MOSTDEPRESSING ICE CREAM PARLOR.

NOW, OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NO WAYTO COMPLETELY ESCAPE THIS.

BUT, WE CAN AT LEAST TAKE ASADNESS BREAK, FEATURING STORIES

THAT SOUND LIKE THEY WOULD ENDVIOLENTLY BUT DON'T.

IN OUR NEW SEGMENT, "YEAH, WE'LLTAKE IT."

>> A CONNECTICUT MOTHER IS UNDERARREST, ACCUSED OF ALLOWING HER

CHILD BRING A GRENADE TO SCHOOL.

>> Jon: I SEE YOU TENSING UP.

HANG IN THERE. TRUST ME.

>> LISA MIGUEL'S 12-YEAR-OLDSON BROUGHT HIS GRANDFATHER'S

MILITARY SOUVENIR FORSHOW-AND-TELL AT THE STRATFORD

ACADEMY.

HER MOTHER THOUGHT IT WAS A DUD,BUT THE STATE POLICE SAYS IT WAS

A LIVE SIMULATOR GRENADE,WHICH CAN BLOW UP AND INJURE

PEOPLE WITHIN A 20-FOOT RADIUS.

>> Jon: SEE? HE WASN'TTHREATENING HIS CLASSMATES.

HE JUST HAD A LIVE GRENADE BYACCIDENT.

WE'LL TAKE IT.

[LAUGHTER]PRETTY GOOD SHOW-AND-TELL.

YOU GOT TO ADMIT.

ALL RIGHT.

SO,

WE'LL MOVE ON TO OUR NEXT STORYIN... OH, BOY, HIGH DEGREE OF

NON-SADNESS DIFFICULTY.

FLORIDA.

>> THIS PUBLIX PARKING LOT ONOAKLAND PARK BOULEVARD IS WHERE

THE ROAD RAGE STARTED.

>> Jon: OH, BOY.FLORIDA, ROAD RAGE.

I THINK I SEE WHERE THIS ISGOING, AND IT'S A VERY DARK

PLACE.

>> GALATIS SAID IN THISSTATEMENT THAT HE FELT

THREATENED BY THE DRIVER AND THEPEOPLE INSIDE THE CAR.

>> Jon: OH, BOY. EONSOF NATURAL SELECTION HAVE HONED

MANY SPECIES INTO HYPEREFFICIENTKILLERS, CHIEF AMONG THEM

THE THREATENED FLORIDIAN.

I'M JUST GOING TO WRITE DOWN ABODY COUNT RIGHT HERE AND WE'LL

JUST SEE HOW CLOSE I CAN GET.

>> THE DRIVER STATED THAT SHEWAS UPSET THAT T. GALATIS CALLED

HER AND THE PASSENGERS IN HERVEHICLE THE "N" WORD AND DID NOT

WANT HIM TO GET AWAY WITH IT.

>> Jon: OH, AND THE N-WORD ISINVOLVED.

I'M JUST GOING TO ADD A ZERO TOMY ORIGINAL ESTIMATION.

MAYBE TWO. ALRIGHT, HOW MANYFUNERALS ARE WE PLANNING HERE?

>> WHILE USING RACIAL SLURS ISOBVIOUSLY OFFENSIVE, IT IS

NOT A CRIME, SO NOCHARGES HAVE BEEN FILED.

>> Jon: WHAT?

THIS WHOLE CONTROVERSY ISNOW ONLY ABOUT A RACIAL SLUR?

FLORIDA, ROAD RAGE AND A WHITEGUY FEELING THREATENED ALL GOT

TOGETHER IN A SINGLE STORY ANDNOBODY WAS MURDERED?

FLORIDA, I HAVE NEVER BEENPROUDER OF YOU.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]HOW DID THIS MIRACLE HAPPEN?

YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S...WHY DON'T WE... WHY DON'T WE

HEAR FROM THE WIFE OF THEACCUSED "N" WORD USER.

>> I READ THE POLICE REPORT.

IT SAYS THAT YOUR HUSBAND USEDTHE "N" WORD.

>> AND WHAT DID THEY SAY TO ME?WHITE [BLEEPED], I'LL SLICE YOUUP.

>> SO DID HE USE THE "N" WORD?

DID YOU GUYS AT ANY POINT USETHE "N" WORD?

IS IT OKAY TO USE THE "N" WORD?

>> Jon: ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10,HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE "N" WORD?

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THE "N" WORDTO A FRIEND?

IF THE "N" WORD AND THE "C" WORDWERE BOTH DROWNING IN A LAKE AND

YOU ONLY HAD TIME TO SAVE ONEWORD, WHICH WORD, MA'AM, WHICH

WORD WOULD YOU SAVE, "C" WORDOR... I'M GOING TO PUT YOU DOWN

FOR [BLEEPED].

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT'S NEXT?

I'M ON A ROLL, BABY.

>> THE LARGEST AIRPORT INPAKISTAN WAS BURNING THROUGH THE

NIGHT, A STUNNING ATTACK ON THECARGO TERMINAL OF KARACHI

AIRPORT BY MEN WEARING SUICIDEVESTS, ARMED WITH MACHINE GUNS

AND ROCKET LAUNCHERS.

AT LEAST 23 PEOPLE HAVE BEENKILLED.

>> Jon: WAIT.

THAT'S JUST HORRIBLE IN EVERYWAY.

HOW IS THAT?

NO, NO,, NO TAKE THAT OUT OF.

THERE THERE'S NO WAY.

WE'RE NOT TAKING THAT.

THAT'S A TRAGIC INCIDENT.

I'M NOT GOING TO PUT A POSITIVESPIN ON THAT.

THAT'S APPARENTLY THE JOB OF THEPAKISTANI GOVERNMENT.

>> WE WERE ABLE TO BLOCK THESETERRORISTS AND WERE ABLE TO

MINIMIZE THE DAMAGE DONE TO OURAIRPORT.

>> SO YOUR GOVERNMENT REGARDSTHIS AS A SUCCESS STORY?

>> WHAT I HAVE SHARED WITH YOU,THE INTENT AND THE PLANNING AND

THE AMOUNT OF WEAPONRY THAT WASRECOVERED THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE

UNABLE TO USE AGAINST THEAIRPLANE, THAT SHOWS IT WAS A

SUCCESS.

>> Jon: LET ME GET THISSTRAIGHT BECAUSE THE TALIBAN

DIDN'T GET TO DETONATE ALL OFTHEIR EXPLOSIVES, YOU'RE PUTTING

THIS ONE IN THE WIN COLUMN.

ALL RIGHT.

PRETTY WIDE DEFINITION OFVICTORY.

IT'S LIKE SAYING, SURE, GODZILLADESTROYED SAN FRANCISCO, BUT I

DON'T SEE A GIANT, RADIOACTIVE[BLEEPED] ON THE RUBBLE.

ALRIGHT, THIS HAS GOTTEN WAY TOODARK. LOOK, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO

BE LOOKING AT RELATIVELYGOOD NEWS.

GIVE ME SOMETHING I CAN WORKWITH.

>> ON THE HUNT FOR AN INTRUDER,POLICE IN BRIGHTON ARE LOOKING

FOR A SUSPECT WHO'S BREAKINGINTO HOMES NEAR BOSTON COLLEGE.

>> Jon: I DON'T THINK THIS ISGOING TO GO WELL.

>> POLICE SAY THE SUSPECT BREAKSIN BUT DOESN'T TAKE ANYTHING.

VICTIMS SAY HE JUST TICKLESTHEM, THEN TAKES OFF.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: THANK YOU, BOSTON

WEIRDO, YOU'VE SAVED THEDAY. BECAUSE WHILE

YOU MAY BE TERRORIZING THEPEOPLE OF BOSTON FOR YOUR OWN

CREEPY GRATIFICATION, AT LEASTYOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE

LAUGH.

[LAUGHTER]WE'LL TAKE IT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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