No News Bearers

  • Aired:  04/01/14
  •  | Views: 114,840

As the Flight 370 mystery remains unsolved, CNN considers a zombie-based disappearance theory and learns a lesson in ocean-wide trash trends. (4:19)

Tags:  CNN, oceans, flying, pollution

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A GOOD ONE FOR YOUTONIGHT.

MICHAEL LEWIS IS GONNA BEJOINING US WRITTEN A BOOK ABOUT

HIGH FREQUENCY TRADINGING ONWALL STREET AND JUST HOW

MISUNDERSTOOD AND INCREDIBLYFAIR IT REALLY IS AND HOW IT AND

IT ALONE IS WORKING TO MAKE THISWORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR YOU AND

ME.

[ LAUGHTER ](bleep).

BUT FIRST IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKSSINCE THE DISAPPEARANCE OF

MALAYSIAN FLIGHT 370.

THREE WEEKS FILLED WITH DISPAIRAND ANGER FOR THE FAMILIES.

CONFUSION AND FRUSTRATION FORTHE INVESTIGATORS AND RATINGS

FOR CNN.

YES, IN THESE THREE WEEKS CNNHAS BEEN MUCH LIKE OUR NATIVE

ANCESTORS USING EVERYPART OF THE TRAGEDY.

[LAUGHTER]WITH NON-STOP BREAKING NEWS

REENACTMENT, EXPERT PANELGRAPHIC SIMULATION, WITH

JUST A SOUCIANT OF POPCULTURE RELEVANCE.

>> THERE'S ONE THEORY OUTTHERE WITH A CHILLING SO-CALLED

ZOMBIE PLANE THEORY.

>> Jon: BECAUSE ZOMBIES AREHOT, YO!

OR MAYBE THE PLANE WAS COOKINGMETH IN A NEW MEXICO TRAILER.

[LAUGHTER]BUT THE REAL QUESTION IS HOW DID

THE PLANE MEET YOUR MOTHER?

[LAUGHTER]THE POINT IS WHILE OTHER NEWS

NETWORKS HAVE BEEN SOMEWHATWILLING TO MOVE ON TO OTHER NEWS

CNN HAS STEADFASTLY REMAINED ONTHE RAMPART OCCASIONALLY

POINTING AT (bleep) ANDWONDERING WHAT IT IS.

>> COULD THEY BE CLOSE TOFINALLY FIND A SCRAP, A SCRAP OF

DEBRIS.

>> THIS LOOKS LIKE THE DEBRISFIELD FROM AN AIRPLANE CRASH.

IT MAY NOT BE BUT IT HAS THESIGNATURE LOOK OF IT.

>> PERHAPS IT REALLY WASN'T THEDEBRIS WE THOUGHT IT WAS.

>> BREAKING NEWS, A THAISATELLITE SPOTS 300 OBJECTS.

>> PIECES OF DEBRIS WHETHER THEYARE FROM THE PLANE OR NOT WE

SIMPLY DON'T KNOW.

>> THE OCEAN IS ALSO FILLED WITHA LOT OF TRASH.

SO IT'S HARD TO TELL ONE THINGFROM ANOTHER.

>> POSSIBLE DEBRIS SPOTTED.

THE SEARCH MOVES 700 MILESNORTHEAST.

>> COULD THAT BE A PIECE OF THEMISSING PLANE?

>> SOME OBJECTS FLOATING IN THEWATER.

NO WORD YET ON WHAT THOSE THINGSARE.

>> ANYTHING THAT'S BEENRETRIEVED AND LOOKED AT IN ONE

OF THESE SHIPS HAS TURNED OUTTO BE NOT CONNECTED TO 370.

>> ANOTHER DAY.

NO CONFIRMED PLANE DEBRIS.

[LAUGHTER]>> BASICALLY CNN HAS BECOME THIS

GUY.

[ LAUGHTER ]YEAH, I GOT SOMETHING.

I GOT BREAKING NEWS.

I GOT BREAKING NEWS.

HOLD ON I THINK I FOUNDBLACKBEARD'S TREASURE ALRIGHT

IT'S JUST A POP TOP.

SORRY.

AFTER THREE WEEKS OF NON-STOPCOVERAGE, WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?

>> WE'RE GETTING A LESSON IN THETRASH, ALL OF THE TRASH AND ALL

OF THE OBJECTS FLOATING IN THEINDIAN OCEAN.

>> WHO KNEW THE OCEAN WAS SUCH ABIG MESS?

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: YEAH, WHO KNEW THE

PLACE WHERE WE DUMP A TREMENDOUSAMOUNT OF OUR TRASH --

[LAUGHTER]-- IS FILLED WITH A TREMENDOUS

AMOUNT OF OUR TRASH?

[LAUGHTER]WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN

YOU FLUSH THE TOILET?

[LAUGHTER]WHERE DOES IT GO?

POOP HEAVEN?

SO THE OCEANS ARE SOMEWHATPOLLUTED.

GIVE US ANOTHER SCOOP!

>> WEIGH IN ON HOW -- WHAT WEKNOW ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WITH

GARBAGE AND HOW IT SETTLES.

>> TRADITIONAL FORMS OF MARINEDEBRIS LIKE BUOYANT PLASTICS

MOST COMMON OUT IN THE OCEAN ACERTAIN PERCENTAGE DO FLOAT.

HEAVIER MATERIALS DENSER THANSEA WATER WILL SINK.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: LET'S RECAP CNN'S LAST

WEEK OF MISSING MALAYSIANAIRLINER COVERAGE.

THERE'S A LOT OF NONMALAYSIANAIRLINER GARBAGE IN THE OCEAN.

THE HEAVIER OF WHICH SINKS.

[ LAUGHTER ]THE LIGHTER OF WHICH FLOATS --

[LAUGHTER]-- LET US GO NOW TO WOLF BLITZER

IN THE NEW DUH ROOM.

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