Indecision 2012 - Corn Polled Edition - Rick Perry Announces His Candidacy

  • Aired:  08/15/11
  •  | Views: 104,455

Rick Perry is what happens if Lex Luthor distilled down George W. Bush essence and crossed it with gunpowder and semen from the finest thoroughbred in Lubbock. (2:38)

SO THE REPUBLICANS MOVE INTO

THE FALL WITH MICHELE BACHMANN

THE BIG STORY.

WHAT WAS THAT?

THAT LAUGH, SO FAMILIAR, SO

REGIONAL.

I CAN'T PLACE IT.

IT CAN'T BE.

HE'S NOT ELIGIBLE TO RUN

AGAIN.

>> I DECLARE TO YOU TODAY AS A

CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> SOMETIMES IT KIND OF TAKES

ME A WHILE TO GET INTO

SOMETHING LIKE THIS

PRESIDENTIAL RACE, BUT LET ME

TELL YOU WHEN I'M IN, I'M IN

ALL THE WAY.

>> Jon: WHY WOULD THE JOSH

BROLIN CHARACTER FROM W BE

RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?

WHAT?

THAT'S A REAL GUY?

NO.

I INTERVIEWED HIM?

OH.

THREE-TERM TEXAS GOVERNOR.

I'M SURE I'M OVERREACTING.

TWO TEXAS GOVERNORS WHO SORT

OF SOUND ALIKE.

HOW SIMILAR COULD THEY BE?

>> THEY'RE TWO GUYS FROM WEST

TEXAS.

SAME TEXAS BOOTS.

SAME KIND OF IDEOLOGIES.

SIMILAR MANNERS AND SOME OF

THAT WEST TEXAS SWAGGER.

>> FORMER AIR FORCE PILOT AND

FATHER OF TWO.

>> MET HIS WIFE IN ELEMENTARY

SCHOOL.

HE HOLDS A DAY-PRAYER AND

CARRIES A LASER-FIRED PISTOL.

HE IS GEORGE BUSH ON STEROIDS.

>> Jon: NO.

NO, HE'S NOT!

HE'S NOT GEORGE BUSH ON

STEROIDS.

RICK PERRY IS WHAT HAPPENS IF

LEX LUTHOR DISSTILLED GEORGE

BUSH'S ESSENCE IN A LABORATORY

AND CROSSED IT WITH GUN POWDER

AND SEMEN FROM THE FINEST

THOROUGHBRED AND STRAPPEDED

THAT CONCOCTION ON TO A

NUCLEAR MISSILE AND SHOT IT

INTO THE (BEEP) SUN.

AND THEN WAITED, WAITED,

WAITED, UNTIL ONE DAY ON THE

ANNIVERSARY OF THE ALAMO A

SOLAR FLARE YADA YADA YAD RICK

PERRY.

HOW DO I KNOW THAT THIS

CREATURE IS GEORGE BUSH-PLUS-

PLUS?

OH, I'LL TELL YOU HOW I KNOW.

>> HE'S A MAN OF TRUST IN HIS

FAMILY.

HIS FATHER-IN-LAW ACTUALLY DID

HIS VASECTOMY.

(LAUGHING)

>> Jon: MAY I REMIND YOU, HIS

FATHER-IN-LAW IS NOT A DOCTOR.

(LAUGHING)

JUST ONE OF THESE.

HOLD STILL, RICK.

WHICH WANT DO YOU WANT

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