Absolve and Report - Super Donor Sheldon Adelson

  • Aired:  03/31/14
  •  | Views: 34,595

Senior Zionist Billionaire Correspondent Samantha Bee offers insight into the integrity of politicians looking to win financial support from gambling mogul Sheldon Adelson. (3:03)

>FOR MORE WE TURN TO OUR SENIORZIONIST

BILLIONAIRE CORRESPONDENTSAMANTHA BEE. SAM, THANKS FOR

JOINING US. WE'RE GLAD YOU MADEIT. SAM, LET ME ASK YOU --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]-- THIS IS CRAZY.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: IF SHELDON ADLESONDOESN'T APPROVE AS A TERM AS

WIDELY ACCEPTED AS OCCUPIEDTERRITORIES WHAT DOES HE THINK

IS AN ACCEPTABLE TERM FOR THATAREA?

>> YOU KNOW, SHELDON'S IS NOTPICKY. HE'S OPEN TO A NUMBER OF

DIFFERENT NAMES OUTER ISRAEL,ISRAEL IN

WAITING, PALESTINIAN TERROREMPORIUM.

>> Jon: THOSE ARE NOT THE MOSTOBJECTIVE TERMS.

AND OCCUPIED TERRITORIES ISFAIR?

IT CLEARLY SUGGESTS TERRITORIESTHAT ARE BEING OCCUPIED PERHAPS

BY SOME FOREIGN MILITARY ORCOUNTLESS FOREIGN SETTLEMENTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: YOU JUST DESCRIBED THE

WEST BANK.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT ISHAPPENING IN THE WEST BANK.

>> OKAY "THE DAILY SHOW" WITHYASSER ARAFAT.

I GOT YOU.

I GOT IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: WHEN DID THE GUY WHO

MAKES DONALD TRUMP'S HAIR LOOKNATURAL GET VETO POWER OVER

EVERY WORD REPUBLICANS SAY ABOUTISRAEL?

>> NOT JUST ISRAEL,JON. HE ALSO WANTS UNIONS TO BE

CALLED THUG COLLECTIVES,OFFSHORE TAX HAVENS

ARE NOW MONEY RESORTS AND HEDOES NOT USE A MOTORIZED SCOOTER

HE PRACTICES EXTREME SITTING SORAD, I KNOW.

>> Jon: I'LL GIVE YOU THAT THEMAN IS A CHAMPION SITTER.

LISTEN.

HOW CAN ANYONE CLAIM TO BE ALEADER IF THEY ARE BENDING OVER

BACKWARDS TO PLEASE AN80-YEAR-OLD GAMBLING MOGUL.

>> I'M SORRY HE PREFERS40-YEAR-OLD JACKPOT FACILITATOR.

IF YOU DON'T MIND.

>> Jon: I CAN'T BELIEVE THESESUPPOSED MEN OF INTEGRITY ARE

SO WILLING TO CHANGE THEIRBEHAVIOR FOR MONEY.

>> OH REALLY, JON.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT TACO BELLONE OF "THE DAILY SHOW'S" MAJOR

SPONSORS?

HMMMM.

>> Jon: I THINK IT'S A TASTESENSATION THAT THINKS OUTSIDE

THE BUN TO PROVIDE AMERICA'SFAMILIES WITH A WHOLESOME AND

NUTRITIOUS DINING EXPERIENCE.

[ APPLAUSE ]TACO BELL -- LIVE MAS.

[LAUGHTER][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> YEAH.

YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SAY THAT ANDTHAT IS WHY I SENT SOME OVER FOR

YOU.

>> Jon: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DIDTHAT.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT ATALL.

WHAT?

>> OH, YEAH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: THANK YOU OH ROMAN

CENTURION.

>> YUM.

>> Jon: MMMMM.

[LAUGHTER]I'M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO POOP

ALL NIGHT.

>> YES, EAT UP!

WHORE.

>> Jon: SAMANTHA BEE,EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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