2014 Sochi Homophobic Olympics - Going Backwards for the Gold

  • Aired:  01/21/14
  •  | Views: 81,806

Aasif Mandvi outlines the faltering U.S. team's narrow path to victory in the 2014 Homophobic Olympics. (5:33)

[ LAUGHTER ]NIGERIA ON THEIR WAY BUT STILL

CLEARLY THE GAY PHOBIC COUNTRYTO BEAT THIS YEAR IS MOTHER

RUSSIA.

THEY HAVE HOMEFIELD ADVANTAGEAND A STAR WHO HAS BEEN MAKING A

REAL NAME FOR HIMSELF VLADMIRPUTIN A MAN EQUALLY AT HOME

HORSEBACK RIDING OR HUNTING ORSPEAKING AT A FUNERAL.

[ LAUGHTER ]ANOTHER THING I'LL ALWAYS

REMEMBER ABOUT GRANDPA.

WHAT A CONTRAST IN STYLESYOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE.

THE AFRICAN BRAND OF HOMOPHOBIAAGGRESSIVE, SLASHING.

THE RUSSIANS MORE STRATEGIC,THEY ARE CHESS PLAYERS, SUBTLER,

ALMOST SEEMING TO DISAVOW THEIRANTI-GAY BIAS UNTIL THE LAST

SECOND.

>> WE AREN'T BANNING ANYTHING.

WE HAVE NO CRIMINAL PUNISHMENTFOR SUCH RELATIONS.

>> Jon: THERE'S VLADMIR PUTIN>> GORGEOUS HEAD FAKE TOWARDS

TOLERANCE, AND NOW LET'SWATCH HIM DROP THE HAMMER.

>> ONE CAN FEEL RELAXED AND ATEASE,

BUT PLEASE LEAVE THECHILDREN AT PEACE.

>> Jon: THAT HAS GOT TOGUARANTEE GOLD IN THE GAY

PEOPLE-PEDOPHILE CONFLATIONEVENT.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT PUTIN?

THAT'S LIKE ME SAYING WE HAVE NOPROBLEM WITH RUSSIANS

JUST PLEASE IF YOU COMEHERE DON'T (bleep) OUR BEARS.

[ LAUGHTER ]WE LOVE RUSSIANS THEY ARE VERY

NICE PEOPLE.

[LAUGHTER]JUST WE LIKE OUR BEARS NOT TO BE

PENETRATED BY RUSSIAN PENISES.

[ LAUGHTER ]BUT IT IS -- IT IS A GOOD POINT,

VLADMIR, WHEN YOU SAY PLEASELEAVE THE CHILDREN IN PEACE.

WHAT WOULD BE AN EXAMPLE OFTHAT?

WOULD YOU NOT WANT TO WALK UP TOA SMALL BOY YOU HAVE NEVER MET,

LIFT UP HIS SHIRT AND MAYBE KISSHIS BARE TORSO?

IS THAT THE CREEPY BEHAVIORWE'RE TALKING ABOUT?

WE'RE JOINED BY AASIF MANDVI INSOCHI RIGHT NOW.

AASIF THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

>> THANK YOU, JON.

>> Jon: WOW THAT IS SOMEREALLY IMPRESSIVE HOMOPHOBIA

SHOWCASED OUT THERE.

>> IT LOOKS AS THOUGHMOTHER RUSSIA

IS IN COMPLETE CONTROL OF THISCOMPETITION BUT DON'T COUNT OUT

AMERICA'S HOMOPHOBIA.

TEAM USA HAS BEEN REGRESSING ALLWINTER AND I THINK WE HAVE A

SHOT.

>> Jon: I HAVE TO TELL YOUAASIF IN OTHER YEARS I WOULD

SAY, YES, BUT THIS YEAR WITHTHIS LEVEL OF COMPETITION

THERE'S NO WAY.

THE AFRICAN COUNTRIES, RUSSIA ISTOO STRONG.

>> YE OF LITTLE BIGOTRY.

WE HAVE A STRONG FIELD.

REALITY STAR JUAN PABLO OF THEBACHELOR.

THERE'S A THING ABOUT GAY PEOPLETHAT IT SEEMS TO ME -- WHY

KNOW -- I HAVE FRIENDS LIKE THATBUT THEY ARE

MORE PERVERT IN A SENSE.

>> USA! USA! USA!

>> Jon: YOU STACK THAT UPAGAINST LIFE IMPRISONMENT I

DON'T EVEN SEE THAT GUY MAKINGTHE FINALS.

>> TO BE FAIR THE GLARING GAFFEIS NOT HIS EVENT.

CHECK OUT HIS ENTRY IN THE 100METER BACKTRACK.

>> HE RELEASED A STATEMENT ONHIS FACEBOOK PAGE SAYING THE

WORD PERVERT WAS NOT WHAT IMEANT TO SAY.

I MEANT TO SAY GAY PEOPLE AREMORE AFFECTIONATE AND MORE

INTENSE AND FOR A SEGMENT OFTHIS TV AUDIENCE THIS WOULD BE

TOO RACY TO ACCEPT.

>> Jon: TOO RACY TO ACCEPT.

THE (bleep) GUY IS ON THEBACHELOR.

IS HE SAYING TWO PEOPLE OF SAMEGENDER FALLING IN LOVE IS TOO

RACY?

AMERICANS PREFER SEEING A DUDESERIALLY BANGING 20 GIRLS HE

JUST MET IN A HOT TUB TO WHITTLETHEM DOWN TO THE ONE HE WILL

ULTIMATELY BREAK UP WITH VIATABLOID MAGAZINE.

>> RIGHT, TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

DOES TEAM USA HAVE ANY OTHERSTRONG PROSPECTS?

>> A UTAH MAN IS PROMISING TO GOWITHOUT ANY FOOD UNTIL THE STATE

STOPS ALLOWINGSAME-SEX MARRIAGES. HE

SURVIVED FOR TWO WEEKS ONLY ONWATER AND AN OCCASIONAL VITAMIN.

>> IT'S A LEVEL OF COMMITMENT TOHOMOPHOBIA THAT

WE HAVEN'TSEEN SINCE

GHANDI.

>> Jon: I THOUGHT HE WASPROTESTING THE BRITISH

OCCUPATION OF INDIA?

>> I THINK I WOULD KNOW WHAT HEWAS PROTESTING, OKAY.

>> Jon: RANDOM NUT JOBS AROUNDTHE COUNTRY DISPLAYING

IGNORANCE?

>> THERE'S A LOT OF HATEOUT THERE.

>> Jon: IT'S DISSIPATING ANDRAPIDLY.

I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TOMEDAL THIS YEAR.

>> DON'T YOU COUNT US OUT.

DON'T YOU GIVE UP ON US, PONYBOY.

>> Jon: SORRY PONY BOY?

SUDDENLY IT'S THE OUTSIDERS?

ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME,AASIF.

IT'S GOING TO TAKE A LAKE PLACIDHOCKEY LIKE MIRACLE TO

PULL IT OUT.

>> WAIT, WHAT IS THAT?

OH, JON WE'VE GOT A LATE CALLFROM THE GOVERNOR OF

PENNSYLVANIA.

THIS COULD BE THE ONE, ROLL IT,CHUCK.

>> THERE WAS A CONTROVERSIALREMARK MADE BY A MEMBER OF YOUR

LEGAL TEAM TALKING ABOUT GAYMARRIAGE AND 12 YEAR OLDS --

>> IT WAS INAPPROPRIATE.

I THINK A BETTER ANALOGY WOULDBE BROTHER AND SISTER, DON'T

YOU.

>> DO YOU BELIEVE IN IGNORANCE?

>> Jon: WE CAN DO IT USA!

USA!

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