Keep Calm and Marry On

  • Aired:  02/06/13
  •  | Views: 29,717

British Parliament's calm debate over same-sex marriage avoids the slippery slope of incestuous pedophile orgies that conservative Americans bring to the conversation. (5:09)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: BOOM!

WELCOME BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BIG NEWS FROM ACROSS THE UPON THE, THE COUNTRY THAT WE HAVE A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JUST

HAD AN HISTORIC VOTE IN SPECIAL RELATIONS.

>> NOW TO GAY MARRIAGE, AN ISSUE HAS FUELED CONTROVERSY IN MANY COUNTRIES.

TODAY IT WAS BRITISH LAWMAKERS WHO ENTERED THE DEBATE.

THE HOUSE OF COMMONS VOTED OVERWHELMINGLY IN FAVOR OF LEGALIZATION.

>> THE AYES TO THE RIGHT 400, THE NOS TO THE LEFT 175.

THE AYES HAVE IT.

THE AYES HAVE IT.

>> Jon: 50 POINTS TO GRIFFINDOR.

EVEN WHEN THE UK IS EXTENDING CIVIL RIGHTS BEYOND THE WHAT WE DO IN THIS COUNTRY THEY DO IT BY

YELLING A GOLDEN SCENTER.

LOSING THE 18th CENTURY WIG, TOO SOON, GAY MARRIAGE, BRING IT ON.

THE VOTE WASN'T EVEN SPLIT ALONG PARTY LINES.

>> BEHIND THAT BIG MAJORITY A BIG TORREY SPLIT.

126 SUPPORTED PROPOSAL BUT MORE 136 WERE AGAINST AND 41 MORE COULDN'T BE PERSUADED TO VOTE

WITH THE GOVERNMENT AND AND TAINED.

>> Jon: ABSTINENCE IS THE ONLY 100% EFFECTIVE METHOD OF NOT GETTING BLAMED FOR (bleep).

IT WENT ON FOR FIVE YEARS.

LET'S FLARE A SUPPORTER.

>> IT'S ALSO TIME TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP FOR EQUALITY, ALLOW GAY AND LESBIANS THE CHANCE TO

MAR YEAH IF THEY CHOOSE TO DO.

>> Jon: NO YOU DIDN'T.

EQUALITY (bleep) YOU JUST THREW DOWN.

YOU BROUGHT A STEAMG TEA POT OF EARL TEA ON YOUR HEAD.

LET'S HEAR THE OPPOSITION.

>> THERE ARE MANY ISSUES THIS COUNTRY NEEDS TO DEAL WITH.

IT'S IRRELEVANT AND SHOULD NOT BE PURSUED THROUGH THE HOUSE.

>> Jon: THAT'S IT THEN?

WE'RE BUSY AT THE MOMENT, NO?

MY BROTHER THAT IS NOT HOW THE STEM THE RISING TIED OF CIVIL RIGHTS.

THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE HAS BEEN WEAKENED IN THIS COUNTRY.

IT'S HARMFUL TO THE END OF THE REPUBLIC.

>> Jon: THAT'S THE END OF WORLD VIBE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.

GIVE IT ANOTHER AGO.

>> MIXED SEX MARRIAGED HAVE DECREASED CONSIDERABLY IN THE NETHERLANDS.

>> Jon: THAT'S YOUR ARGUMENT.

WHO GIVES A (bleep) EXCEPT FOR FANS OF MY BIG FAT DUTCH WEDDING.

YOU KNOW WHAT IS MISS SOMETHING IN YOU NEED AN ALL-POWER BEING INVOKED.

>> SEVERAL MILLENNIA AGO THE WORDS WERE WRITTEN A MAN SHOULD CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE.

I WASN'T OUR IDEA, IT WAS GOD'S IDEA.

>> Jon: YEAH, YOU GOTTA LOVE CLEAVING, MAN.

THERE WAS A GIRL I WANT TO CLEAVE THE (bleep) OUT OF IT.

SHE ENDED UP CLEAVING THE CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM AND I ENDED UP CLEAVING MYSELF.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT AGAIN?

OH, RIGHT.

LOOK TORREYS I KNOW THE STAKES ARE LOWER OVER THERE BECAUSE BRITAIN DOESN'T HAVE HURRICANES

EVERY TIME TWO DUDES KISS BUT TRY IT ONCE MORE.

THIS TIME PUT SOME FEELING INTO IT.

>> I'M GOING TO OPPOSE THE BILL ALTHOUGH ON BALANCE I ACCEPT THE FACT THAT EVIDENCE FROM THE

POLLS PROBABLY INDICATE THERE'S A MAJORITY IN THE COUNTRY WHO FAVOR THE CHANGE.

>> Jon: 100 POINTS FROM HUFFLEPUFF.

YOU CALL YOURSELVES CONSERVATIVE.

NOT ONE MENTION OF THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF THE PEDOPHILE ORGIES.

>> IT COULD BE BETWEEN ANY TEN PEOPLE.

>> IF IT'S BASED ON LOVE, IT OKAY TO HAVE THREE PEOPLE MARY.

>> WHY NOT ALLOW AN URCHG TOLL MARRY HIS NIECE.

>> IF YOU HAD A SECTION FOR YOUR HORSE, I GUESS COULD YOU BURY YOUR HORSE.

>> Jon: AND THEN YOU AND YOUR HORSE COULD MAKE A SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL TOGETHER.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LOOK, WASN'T ANYONE IN PARLIAMENT WILLING TO TAKE THEM TO CRAZYTOWN.

>> YOU ARE A MISERABLE [YELLING]

>> Jon: THANK YOU!

THAT'S WHAT WE -- WHAT'S THAT?

THAT'S NOT FROM THE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE DEBATE.

THAT'S THE DEBATE OVER A MISHANDLING OF A CLASSROOM BUILDING.

IT'S ALMOST AS IF BRITISH CONSERVATIVES WANTED GAY MARRIAGE TO PASS.

I KNOW WHY THE ONLY THING MORE FABULOUS THAN A ROYAL WE HADDING IS A GAY ROYAL WEDDING.

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