David Spade

  • Aired:  05/01/14
  •  | Views: 25,467

David Spade shares his motivation for doing his new Comedy Central stand-up special, David Spade: My Fake Problems. (6:33)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT.

FUNNY MAN. NEW STANDUPSPECIAL FOR COMEDY CENTRAL

IS CALLED "DAVID SPADE: MY FAKEPROBLEMS."

>> I SAW THE 99 CENTS STORE ONTHE WAY IN HERE.

I ALMOST WENT IN BECAUSE MYSHOW IS NOT ON RIGHT NOW,

I WAS GOING TO CHECK IT OUT. ANDTHEN, I HELD OUT.

A MILE LATER 98 CENTS STORE,.YEAH! BRING IT HOME.

BY THE WAY, NOT TO BE A SNOB, IJUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IS IN THOSE

STORES. BECAUSE I DON'T KNOWWHAT COSTS THAT MUCH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?WHAT IS THERE?

THUMB TACKS AND YARN.

FULL STORE, FULL.

EVERYTHING.

AND THE ONLY THING I THOUGHT WASWEIRD WAS THE HOME PREGNANCY

TEST. [ LAUGHTER ]

IS THIS FOR THE GIRL IN THEREGULAR PHARMACY

GOING, YOU KNOW, I WANT TO FINDOUT IF I'M PREGNANT BUT I'M NOT

SPENDING MORE THAN A BUCK TOFIND OUT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO

THE PROGRAM DAVID SPADE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]WHAT IS UP?

>> I'VE HAD SO MUCH WORK DONE.

>> Jon: HOW HAVE BEEN BEEN?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> GOT SOME OVER HERE.

>> Jon: THE PICTURE OF HEALTH.

THE PICTURE OF HEALTH.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

>> I KNOW. YOU GOT PEOPLE ON THESIDE,

I LIKE IT.

GOT IT ALL COVERED.

>> Jon: WHAT IF YOU DIDN'TLIKE IT?

>> I JUST PUSH THROUGH.

I LIKE IT.

I SAW YOUR DOG.

YOU'VE GOT A NICE DOG BACKSTAGE.

>> Jon: WHAT IS SHE? DIP?

>> DIP. AND IT REMINDED MEBECAUSE

MY MOM, QUICK STORY, BORING.

[LAUGHTER]MY MOM HAS TWO DOGS AND SHE'S

LIKE OBSESSED NOW.

SHE TAKES THEM EVERYWHERE.

SO, WHEN I GO BACK HOME I GO HEYMOM, WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIE?

OH DAVEY, I CAN'T LEAVE THOSEDOG FOR TWO HOURS. AND I GO OH,

THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE WHEN I WASA KID YOU USED TO LEAVE US FOR

EIGHT HOURS A DAY AND WENT TOWORK.

NO ONE HAD A PROBLEM WITH THATAND I'M PEOPLE.

WHATEVER. IT'S A NEW AGE.THAT'S NOT WHY I'M HERE, JON.

>> Jon: NO, I UNDERSTAND.

AND, AT THAT TIME YOU PROBABLYKNEW HOW TO LET YOURSELF

OUT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. THEDOGS ARE A DIFFERENT STORY.

>> YOU STILL DO STANDUP OR YOUDO NOT?

>> Jon: I DO DO STAND UP. NOT ASMUCH AS I WOULD LIKE TO.

I WOULD VERY MUCH -- I MISS IT.

>> YOU KNOW, IT'S FUN. IT'S LIKEA PLAY. BUT I WAS SAYING TODAY

TO SOMEONE THAT IF YOU DON'T DOIT

>> Jon: YEAH.

LIKE, I STILL DO IT. AND SOMEPEOPLE DON'T KNOW I STILL DO

IT. AND THAT'S WHY I WASDOING THAT SPECIAL.

>> Jon: TO LET PEOPLE KNOW?

>> WELL, JUST BECAUSE I DO IT.

AND IT'S FUN.

[ LAUGHTER ]AND I JUST WANT TO LIKE HAVE IT

MARKED DOWN LIKE EVEN FORMYSELF.

LIKE, THERE'S AN HOUR OF STUFFIF I NEED IT.

>> Jon: BUT, YOU'VE DONE THESESPECIALS BEFORE?

>> I DID BUT THE HBO ONE WAS TENYEARS AGO.

>> Jon: HOLY (bleep).

IS THAT TRUE?

IT'S WEIRD TO ME BECAUSE IT'SFRESHER IN MY MIND THAN THAT.

>> (bleep) MAYBE MORE.

>> Jon: BECAUSE I WATCH IT STILLEVERY WEEK.

>> I'M SURE.

>> Jon: SPUDLEY.

>> YEAH, WE DID SOME GIGS.

>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH WE WORKED, WEOPENED -- DAVID AND I OPENED FOR

DENNIS IN ATLANTA.

>> DENNIS SO, FUNNY DENNIS.

HE WAS GREAT.

I STILL TALK TO HIM.

I DID RIVIERA, DID YOU EVER DOTHE RIVIERA WHEN YOU STARTED?

>> Jon: NO DID YOU DO THATWITH DENNIS?

>> I DID, NO, DENNIS WAS TOOBIG.

I DID THREE SHOWS A NIGHT.

SO IT WAS 21 SHOWS A WEEKFOR $500.

OH, IT WAS ROUGH.

I LOVED IT.

I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET THAT 500.

BUT, YOU HAD TO WALK THROUGH THECASINO ALL THE WAY IN AND IT WAS

LIKE CHING CHING CHING. AND, YOUWANTED TO SPEND THE MONEY.

AND, I WAS LIKE I CAN'T. ICAN'T. AND THE LAST DAY THEY GO,

HERE IS YOUR MONEY OR DO YOUWANT TO BE PAID IN THESE CHIPS?

FIVE DINKY LITTLE HUNDRED DOLLARCHIPS.

BECAUSE I WOULD BLOW IT ON THEWAY OUT,

AND THEY KNEW IT.

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I DID WHEN IWORKED AT BALLY'S.

I DID A TWO WEEK GIG AT BALLY'S.BUT, THEY GAVE YOU A CHECK

BEFORE HAND AND THEY ALSOGAVE YOU, WHAT THEY GAVE

YOU WAS A CARD THAT LET YOU EATIN THE CAFETERIA IN THE HOTEL.

BECUASE THEY THOUGHT LIKE HE'SGOING TO BLOW THIS ON THE WAY

BACK UP TO HIS ROOM.TRUE TO FORM,

THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, I JUST SATDOWN THERE EATING.

>> OH YEAH. I ATE THERE SO MUCHTHE DATES HATED IT.

>> Jon: YOU WOULD BRING DATES TOTHE CASINO CAFETERIA?

I'D BE LIKE, YOU KNOW JIMMY THEBELLMAN.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL DONE THERE.

YEAH, YEAH.

I WAS THE HELP.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: DO YOU REMEMBER -- SO

WE WERE WORKING WITH DENNIS INATLANTA.

YOU AND I WERE YOUNG, WEWERE VERILE AT THE TIME.

HARD TO BELIEVE. SO WE WEREHEADING OUT, AND BEFORE WE WENT,

YOU SAID HEY LET'S GO AND CHECKAND SEE IF DENNY WANTS TO GO.

AND DENNIS WAS A HUGE HEADLINER.WE DIDN'T REALLY SEE HIM WHEN WE

WERE WORKING TOGETHER. AND DOYOU REMEMBER?

WE CAME DOWN INTO HIS AREA, THISREGAL WHATEVER IT WAS,

A LUXURIOUS AREA WHERE MISTINGWAS OCCURRING.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: AND, YOU SAID DENNIS,JOHNNY AND I ARE GOING TO THE

CHEETAH CLUB. DO YOU WANT TO GO?

AND HERE'S DENNIS MILLER JUSTDID THIS, HE'S LOOKING DOWN, AND

HE GOES SPUDLEY,HE LOOKS INTO THE

TEA LEAFS ALL HE COMES UPWITH IS TITTY BAR.

>> OH, I USED TO BE INTO ALLTHAT, JON.

>> Jon: NO, NO, NOW I KNOWOBVIOUSLY YOU WORK WITH THE

CHURCH. HOW IS THAT GOING?

>> I'M SORT OF EXACT SAMEPERSON.

IT'S SO HORRIBLE.

>> Jon: OH, IS THAT TRUE? NO.

>> PEOPLE SAY YOU SEEM LIKE YOUARE ON TV, AND I GO I KNOW,

IT'S 2% DIFFERENT. NO, I'VEREALLY GOT IT TOGETHER.

LOOK AT MY TIMBER-LIZZLE HAIRCUTI GOT GOING ON.

>> Jon: THAT IS, THAT ISSOMEWHAT HIP.

>> HEY SIDE VIEW. YEAH, I'MGETTING SOME NEW HEAD SHOTS

RIGHT AFTER THIS. [ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, I GO, THEY COMBED IT.

LET'S DO IT.

>> Jon: NO, I THINK THAT'SRIGHT.

YOU STILL HAVE, THOUGH, THATLEVEL OF ENTHUSIASM THAT I

REMEMBER YOU HAVING.

>> DO I OR ARE YOU KIDDING?

>> Jon: I'M KIDDING.

>> I THINK I'M REALLY DOING CARTWHEELS. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE THIS

JONBENET RAMSEY ATTITUDE.LIKE, I'M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY.

I'M NOT. I THINK IT'S MORESUBTLE THAN THAT.

>> IT IS MORE SUBTLE THAN THAT.AND I LOVE IT. SO, IS THIS NOW

GOING TO KICK OFF A BIG TOUR?ARE YOU GOING ON A BIG TOUR?

>> I DON'T THINK SO. I THINKI'M JUST GOING TO LIMP ALONG AND

JUST DO IT. I DO, I MEAN, I'VEGOT THOSE 21 SHOWS NEXT WEEK AT

THE RIV. I DO THEVENETIAN STILL IN

VEGAS.

THAT'S FUN.

BUT, I LOVE STILL -- IKNOW YOU DO IT.

IF YOU DO IT SOMETIMES IT'S ALOT HARDER.

>> Jon: OH IT'S THE WORST.

>> IF YOU JUST POP UP, YOU HAVETHE NOTES OUT.

>> Jon: OH, I KNOW. AND THEN YOUFORGET AND THE PEOPLE ARE LIKE,

BUT WE PAID ACTUALLY. LIKE, OHYEAH.

>> YOU'RE LIKE THIS, EH. IKNOW. SPACE SHUTTLE EXPLODING.

>> Jon: SORRY ABOUT THAT. NO,BUT I LIKE THE IDEA THOUGH. YOU

ARE DOING THE SPECIAL. YOUWANT TO GET IT OUT THERE

THAT YOU ARE STILL DOING STANDUPAND THEN NOT DO STAND UP.

I THINK THAT'S SMART.

SMART STRATEGY.

DAVID SPADE! MY FAKE PROBLEMS.

COMEDY CENTRAL SUNDAY MAY 4.

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