Horrible Bosses

  • Aired:  07/19/11
  •  | Views: 100,941

Scotland Yard doesn't consider the death of the News of the World whistleblower suspicious, and Rupert Murdoch and his son appear before Parliament. (4:28)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW," MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

BIG SHOW.

BIG, BIG, BIG, BIG, BIG SHOW.

OUR GUESTS TONIGHT, WE HAVE ON

TONIGHT'S PROGRAM PAKISTAN'S

FORMER PRESIDENT PERVEZ

MUSHARRAF.

MY GUESS IS WE'LL HAVE A

DELIGHTFUL BEVERAGE AND A LOVELY

CONVERSATION.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SO LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT WITH THE

ON GOING "NEWS OF THE WORLD"

PHONE HACKING SCANDAL.

TO GET YOU CAUGHT UP, A

SEEMINGLY SIMPLE STORY.

MA AND PA OWNED NEWSPAPER

HACKING INTO A MURDERED LITTLE

GIRL'S PHONE AND...

(LAUGHTER).

... PAYING THE POLICE TO COVER

IT UP.

HAS UNFORTUNATELY TURNED UGLY.

(LAUGHTER)

AS OF NOW, LONDON'S TWO TOP

POLICEMEN AT SCOTLAND YARD LET'S

CALL THEM OFFICER BLU ROTTON HAS

RESIGNED.

ANDREW COLTON HAS BEEN ARRESTED

AND SUNDAY TRAGICALLY

AUTHORITIES ARRESTED POOR

MRS. WEASLEY.

(LAUGHTER)

WAIT, NO THAT'S NOT

MRS. WEASLEY.

SORRY, TRAGICALLY, AUTHORITIES

ARRESTED THE GUY FROM SIMPLY

RED.

YEAH, THAT'S IT.

ACTUALLY, ARRESTED WAS REBEKAH

BROOKS, THE WOMAN WHO RAN "NEWS

OF THE WORLD" DURING THE WORST

OF-- AS THE BRITISH CALL THEM--

THE TROUBLES.

(LAUGHTER)

BROOKS HAD ALREADY RESIGNED HER

POST FRIDAY, OSTENSIBLY TO SPEND

MORE TIME WITH HER RABBIT HAIR

DRESSER.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT WAS A DEEP CUT.

I APPRECIATE THAT THAT WAS A

DEEP CUT.

HONESTLY, IT IS HARD TO IMAGINE

THIS STORY...

(LAUGHTER).

ALL RIGHT.

IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE THIS STORY

GETTING MORE OUT OF CONTROL.

>> BREAKING NEWS.

>> ON THE BRITISH HACKING

SCANDAL, JUST A SHORT TIME AGO,

POLICE SAY SEAN HOARE-- THAT'S

THE REPORTER WHO FIRST ALLEGED

WIDESPREAD HACKING AT THE NOW

ENDED NEWS OF NATION-- HE'S BEEN

FOUND DEAD IN HIS HOME.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: DO YOU THINK HE DIED

OF NATURAL CAUSES OR WAS IT

MURDOCH?

(OMINOUS MUSIC).

(APPLAUSE)

WELL, I'M SURE SCOTLAND YARD'S

ON THIS CASE LIKE CREAM ON A...

>> RIGHT NOW POLICE SAY THE

DEATH IS NOT CONSIDERED

SUSPICIOUS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WELL, I GUESS THE GUYS

WHO WERE BRIBED DON'T THINK

THERE'S ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS IN

THE DEATH OF THE GUY WHO BLEW

THE WHISTLE ON THE COMPANY

PROVIDING THE BRIBES, I'M

SATISFIED.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, THE WHOLE BUSINESS

WAS PRELUDE TO TODAY'S MAIN

EVENT.

RUPERT MURDOCH AND HIS SON JAMES

APPEARING BEFORE PARLIAMENT'S

COMMITTEE ON CULTURE, MEDIA,

SPORT, AND VOWEL-SHAPED

FURNITURE.

(LAUGHTER)

CONFESS BEFORE THE U-SHAPED DESK

OF CONTRITION!

DON'T MAKE US BRING IN THE E!

(LAUGHTER)

THE WHOLE DAY OF TESTIMONY WAS

AMAZING BUT PERHAPS NO MOMENT

MORE REMARKABLE THAN MURDOCH

INTERRUPTING HIS SON'S OPENING

STATEMENT.

>> OF THE "NEWS OF THE WORLD"

NEWSPAPER...

>> BEFORE YOU GET TO THAT, I

WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY ONE

SENTENCE.

THIS IS THE MOST HUMBLE DAY OF

MY LIFE.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: NOT SO HUMBLE YOU

COULDN'T WAIT FOR YOUR TURN TO

TALK!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BY THE WAY, THAT WAS BEFORE SOME

IDIOT TRIED TO PIE MURDOCH.

THE YOUNG WOMAN IN PINK, WHOSE

LIGHTNING REFLEX AND

DEVASTATING... HER LIGHTNING

REFLEX AND DEVASTATING CHUCK

NORRIS-ESQUE HAND SPEED SUBDUED

THE MISCREANT.

THAT WOMAN IS, IN FACT, RUPERT

MURDOCH'S WIFE WENDY.

NOW, I AM NOT A BIG PROPONENT OF

THE FOUR DECADE MARRIAGE AGE

GAP.

BUT...

(LAUGHTER).

... IF EVER THERE WAS A

SITUATION WHERE IT WOULD PAY

DIVIDENDS...

(LAUGHTER).

... IT WOULD BE AN AMBUSH LIKE

THAT.

OF COURSE, THE ATTACK OCCURRED

AFTER A PERIOD OF THE TESTIMONY

WHERE MURDOCH MAY HAVE APPEARED

SOMEWHAT VULNERABLE.

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT OF IT?

CRIKEY, IS IT OVER?

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