Jason Jones Live From Sochi-ish - Commie Dearest

  • Aired:  02/10/14
  •  | Views: 114,762

Jason Jones remembers the good old days of drunken nuclear hooliganism between the United States and Soviet Union. (6:28)

[ LAUGHTER ]BUT OF COURSE, WHILE THE

CONDITIONS IN SOCHI ARE QUITECONTROVERSIAL APPARENTLY MOSCOW

IS BEAUTIFUL THIS TIME OF YEAROR SO JASON JONES FOUND OUT IN

THE "THE DAILY SHOW"'S EXCLUSIVEOLYMPIC COVERAGE JASON JONES

LIVE FROM SOCHI-ISH.

♪ >> FORGET THE MEDIA CIRCUS IN

SOCHI, IF YOU REALLY WANT TOUNDERSTAND RUSSIA YOU HAVE TO

COME TO MOSCOW, SO I DID.

AND THE LINGERING EFFECTS OFCOMMUNISM WERE EVERYWHERE RIGHT

DOWN TO THE ENDLESS LINES FORBASIC NECESSITIES. WHAT ARE WE

WAITING FOR, GUYS? BREAD, TOILETPAPER?

>> SHAKE SHACK.

>> WHAT THE (bleep).

YOU HAVE A SHAKE SHACK HERE?

IT TURNS OUT IT LOOKS A LOT LIKEAMERICA WITH A (bleep) UPALPHABET.

BUT IS RUSSIA REALLY RUNNING ONDACHNA?

I SPOKE WITH A PROMINENT MEMBEROF THE RUSSIAN DUMA WHO SERVED

IN THE ADMINSTRATIONS OFGORBACHEV, YELTSIN AND PUTIN ANDWAS THE

GRANDSON TO THE RIGHT HANDOF STALIN.

USUALLY AMERICA THINKS OF RUSSIAAS A WILD, UNDERDEVELOPED,

UNDEMOCRATIC, IMPERIAL -- EVIL.

>> M-HMM AND THOSE STEREOTYPESARE WRONG BECAUSE?

>> RUSSIA IS NOT VICIOUS, NOTWILD, NOT IMPERIAL OR

DICTATORIAL.

SO YOU ARE WRONG.

>> BUT AVERAGE RUSSIANS WOULDKNOW I WAS RIGHT.

WHO IS GOOD GUY?

WHO IS THE BAD GUY?

>> BAD GUY, BAD RUSSIANSTEREOTYPE.

>> THAT'S A GREAT RUSSIANSTEREOTYPE.

>> THESE GUYS SHOULD BE BAD GUYSBUT ACTUALLY THIS IS AMERICAN

(bleep) I THINK.

>> THEY MAY HAVE BEENSTEREOTYPES, BUT NOONE CAN

ARGUE WITH THE GREATESTPRESIDENT WHO CALLED THE

RUSSIANS AN EVIL EMPIRE.

>> I NEVER CONSIDERED MYSELF TOBE EVIL OR PART OF AN EVIL

EMPIRE.

>> BUT YOU SOUND EVIL.

>> ME?

>> YES.

>> WHY?

>> BECAUSE BAD GUYS LIKE THIS.GOOD GUYS TALK LIKE ME.

NO I DON'T THINK SO.

>> NO BAD GUYS

TALK LIKE THIS.

NO BAD GUYS TALK LIKE THIS.

ARE YOU DOING AN AMERICANACCENT?

>> UH -->> HE COULD JOKE ALL HE WANTEDBUT HE

COULDN'T HIDE FROM HIS EVILHISTORY.

>> A GOOD GUY WOULD PROBABLYDEFEAT THE NAZIS.

>> WHICH WE DID.

>> AND YOU KNOW, WHAT WAS THECASUALTY LIST OF AMERICANS IN

WORLD WAR II?

>> A LOT LESS THAN RUSSIANSBECAUSE WE'RE BETTER FIGHTERS.

>> 90% OF THE GERMAN DIVISIONSWERE DEFEATED BY

THE SOVIET UNION. YOU AREREWRITING HISTORY RIGHT NOW. THEGOOD GUYS ARE ALSO LAUNCHING THEFIRST MAN IN SPACE.

>> YOU STOLE TECHNOLOGY FROM US.

>> YOU STOLE TECHNOLOGY FROM US.YOU WERE WAGING A WAR INVIETNAM THAT'S NOT

WHAT THE GOOD GUYS WERE DOING.

>> WHAT ABOUT ATTACKINGAFGHANISTAN?

>> THAT WAS A BAD IDEA,ABSOLUTELY.

>> TERRIBLE.

>> YOU ATTACKED AFGHANISTAN.

>> YOU ATTACKED AFGHANISTAN.

>> BUT YOU ALSO ATTACKEDAFGHANISTAN.

>> BUT DID YOU IT FIRST.

>> BUT YOU PREVENTED US FROMDOING THE JOB.

WHO CREATED AL QAEDA?

>> YOU DID.

>> US?

>> AL QAEDA WAS EXACTLY THECREATION OF AMERICAN SPECIAL

SERVICES.

>> WOULD FREEDOM FIGHTERS NEEDTO EXIST IF RUSSIA DIDN'T ATTACK

THEM NEARBY?

>> WHO CREATED THE FREEDOMFIGHTER MOVEMENT YOU REALLY

CREATED FRANKENSTEIN, THEMONSTER.

>> AS I ARGUED WITH HIM IREALIZED HOW MUCH I MISSED OUR

OLD ENEMY, A WORLD ON THE BRINKDUCKING AND COVERING BECAUSE RED

SQUARE WAS FILLED WITH ANOVERWHELMING DISPLAY OF

UNNECESSARY MILITARY MIGHT.

NOW IT JUST HAS A (bleep) ICESKATING RINK.

USED TO HANG PEOPLE IN THISSQUARE NOW THERE'S AN ICE RINK.

I DON'T GET IT.

THEY HELPED US KEEP THE WORLD INCHECK.

NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THESE(bleep) AND THEY DON'T KNOW

HOW TO PLAY HOCKEY.

COMRADE, YOU HAVE TO MISS THEOLD DAYS.

>> I DON'T MISS THE COLD WAR.

>> IT WAS SO GOOD!

>> WE WERE LIKE HOOLIGANS IN ABAR.

>> WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS.

>> RUSSIAN ROULETTEIS NOT MY GAME. YOU INVENTEDTHAT GAME.

>> YOU CHANGED, MAN.

I DON'T LIKE THIS NEW YOU.

>> WELL, I LIKE MYSELF.

>> IF ONLY RONALD REAGAN HADN'TENDED THE COLD WAR BY TEARING

DOWN THAT -->> ACTUALLY GORBACHEV WAS THE

ONE WHO UNILATERALLY ENDED THECOLD WAR.

>> FOR (bleep) SAKE FINE IF ITWAS GORBACHEV WE'LL TALK TO HIM.

>> WHO ASKED FOR THIS MEETINGWAS IT YOU OR THE COLLEAGUE?

>> IT WAS ME, I WANTED TO COMESEE HIM.

>> IF YOU BRING CAMERAS IN HEREAGAIN, I WILL PUT YOU AGAINST

THE WALL.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> YOU ARE GOING TO PUT ME

AGAINST THE WALL?

>> YES.

>> AFTER MR. GORBACHEV WAS DONETHREATENING ME I FINALLY GOT TO

ASK MY QUESTION.

MR. GORBACHEV CAN YOU PUT BACKTHAT WALL?

>> THE WALL CAME DOWN AND IT'S AGREAT THING IT HAPPENED AND WE

NEED TO KEEP GOING ALONG THEPATH WE CHOSE.

>> SO I'M TAKING THAT AS A NO.

>> OKAY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OFTHIS.

LET'S WRAP IT UP.

>> SADLY THE COLD WAR IS OVERBUT THERE'S ONE PLACE WHERE YOU

CAN RELIVE THE GLORIOUS PAST,STALIN'S BUNKER COMPLEX 18

STORIES BELOW GROUND WHERE THEYREENACT THE NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION

OF AMERICA.

IT'S ARMAGEDDON EVERY 15MINUTES.

WHOO.

>> AMERICA, AND IF YOU HAVE ANYQUESTIONS?

>> I HAVE A QUESTION, YOU DON'TMISS BEING THAT KICK ASS

SUPERPOWER, US COWERING UNDEROUR DESKS.

>> WHY DESKS?

>> BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE HIDINGFROM THE RUSKIES WHO WERE GOING

TO BOMB US.

>> BOMB COME, YOU DIE.

>> WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY,YEAH, IT WAS A STUPID PLAN.

ONE I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACKTO.

>> DUCK AND COVER.

>> Jon: JASON JONES FROMRUSSIA.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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