Bank Yankers

  • Aired:  06/14/12
  •  | Views: 51,867

After reportedly losing $7 billion on risky investments, JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon travels to Capitol Hill to face the mighty Senate Banking Committee. (4:04)

( THEME SONG PLAYING )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW, MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE GOT A REAL GOOD PROGRAM FOR YOU TONIGHT.

ACTRESS CATHERINE ZETA-JONES IS GOING TO BE JOINING US IN A LITTLE BIT ON THE PROGRAM.

I'M EXCITED TONIGHT.

I'M EXCITED TONIGHT.

I JUST RECEIVED TERRIFIC NEWS.

I'M APPARENTLY THE NEWLY ELECTED PRESIDENT OF VAGINISTAN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: IT'S JUST RECEIVED THE VOTES TONIGHT FROM-- (LAUGHTER) I GUESS THE EMMISSARY.

ANYWAY, AS YOU REMEMBER, I WANT TO TAKE YOU BACK A LITTLE BIT.

SOMEWHERE AROUND FOUR YEARS AGO OUR ECONOMY EXPERIENCED A CYCLICAL FISCAL PHENOMENON

KNOWN AS A CATASTROPHE

[BLEEP] WHEN OUR LARGEST FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS BEGAN TO COLLAPSE AFTER MAKING

INCREDIBLY RISKY BETS BASICALLY USING OUR PENSION MONEY TO GAMBLE ON THE VALUE OF OUR HOUSES.

BECAUSE APPARENTLY THE BUSINESS IS JUST TAKING YOUR MONEY AND THEN LOANING IT

OUT TO OTHER PEOPLE AT SLIGHTLY HIGHER INTEREST RATES IS JUST TOO --

>> BANK AFTER BANK SWALLOWED IN THE AFTERMATH, LEHMAN AND BEAR STERN, DONE, MERRILL,

DEAD, SOLD FOR PARTS, WHAT MU AND GOLDMAN, YOU GET THE IDEA.

NOBODY DID WELL.

JPMORGAN CHASE-- (LAUGHTER)

>> AND THEIR FEARLESS LEADER JAMENY DIAMON.

>> JAME ME DIE UPON SEEMS TO BE THE ONE GUY YOU TRUST AND BELIEVE IN.

>> JAY ME DIAMON THE NEAR COLLAPSE OF THE BANKING INDUSTRY GOOD FOR THE

JPMORGAN CHIEF BURNISHING HIS REPUTATION AS A SUPERHERO C.E.O..

>> WE DIDN'T MAKE HUGE BETS.

>> Jon: IN THE FINANCIAL WORLD, YOU DON'T NORMALLY HEAR PRAISE LIKE THAT UNLESS

IT'S DONALD TRUMP TALKING ABOUT-- YOU KNOW.

(LAUGHTER) PEOPLE DON'T EXPECT SO SOMEONE THIS HANDSOME TO BE THIS SMART AND RICH.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, ANYWAY, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED LAST MONTH.

>> LAWMAKERS ARE TAKING A CLOSER LOOK AT JPMORGAN'S STAGGERING LOSSES AND THE

SHUDDER IT SENT THROUGH WALL STREET.

THE LARGEST BANK FIRST ESTIMATED IT LOST ABOUT $2 BILLION ON RISKY INVESTMENTS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: $2 BILLION ON RISKY INVESTMENTS.

WE DON'T MAKES TO BETS THAX IS AN ABSURD AMOUNT OF MONEY.

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN SAY THAT MAKES THAT LOOK GOOD.

>> EXEXPERTS NOW SAY THE LOSSES COULD BE CLOSER TO $7 BILLION.

>> Jon: OKAY, THE $2 BILLION ISING LAING PRETTY GOOD NOW.

APOLOGIZE.

I WAS INCORRECT ABOUT THE 2.

WHAT GIVES, JAY ME DIAMON,

YOU WERE THE BANKER.

>> YOU WERE THE ONE.

WHO DIDN'T MAKE THESE BIG,

RISKY BETS.

>> THE PORTFOLIO HAS PROVEN TO BE RISKIER, MORE VOLATILE AND LESS EFFECTIVE THAN

ECONOMIC HEDGE THAN WE THOUGHT.

>> Jon: THAT IS THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE [BLEEP] I HAVE EVER HEARD.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: I DIDN'T MAKE A BET,

IT'S A HEDGE.

I DIDN'T GET WIPED OUT AND LOSE ALL MY MONEY, IT'S JUST THAT HARD WAY IS PROVEN A

MORE RISKY VOLATILE-- VOLATILE ECONOMIC HEDGE THAN I THOUGHT.

WELL, NO SURPRISE THAT DIAMON WAS CALLED DOWN TO CAPITOL HILL TO FACE THE MIGHTY SENATE BANKING COMMITTEE.

>> YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY RENOWNED,

LIKELY SO, I THINK, AS BEING ONE OF THE MOST, YOU KNOW,

ONE OF THE BEST C.E.O.s IN THE COUNTRY.

>> YOU'VE GOT VERY BIG PROFITS.

YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF FIREPOWER.

YOU'RE JUST HUGE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: I DON'T MEAN TO EMBARRASS YOU BUT IT'S STAGGERING.

(LAUGHTER) IS THERE A MRS. DIAMON OR

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