Democalypse 2012 - We Missed NLCS Game 7 for This - Mitt Romney's Leadership

  • Aired:  10/23/12
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The third debate concludes a successful trilogy between two candidates and their mutual acceptance of remote-controlled hellfire drones to achieve world peace. (3:48)

>> Jon: GET A HAIR CUT, HIPPY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

GOVERNOR ROMNEY APPEARS --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

GOVERNOR ROMNEY APPEARS TO HAVE

MADE THE CALCULATED DECISION

THAT HIS BELLICOSE AND HAWKISH

PERFORMANCES IN THE REPUBLICAN

PRIMARIES WOULD BE LESS

APPRECIATED BY THE NORMALS.

BUT HERE'S THE CRAZY PART.

AFTER BASICALLY CASTING OFF WHAT

WERE MONTHS AND WEEKS AGO HIS

BEDROCK PRINCIPLES AND BELIEFS

TO COPY OBAMA'S POLICY POSITION

IN A TRANSPARENTLY CYNICAL

APPEAL TO UNDECIDED, GUESS WHICH

QUALITY ROMNEY CHOSE TO

HIGHLIGHT AS THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN THE TWO MEN?

>> LEADERSHIP.

WE SHOULD BE PLAYING THE

LEADERSHIP ROLE.

AMERICA MUST LEAD.

WE NEED STRONG LEADERSHIP.

REAL LEADERSHIP.

I'D LIKE TO BE THAT LEADER.

>> FOLLOW ME!

I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND THE

PRESIDENT!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I'VE GOT TO SAY, BY THE END OF

LAST NIGHT I WAS BEGINNING TO

WORRY WE WERE IN SOME KIND OF

"FREAKY FRIDAY" SITUATION WHERE

BARACK OBAMA -- THEY SOMEHOW

PEED IN THE SAME FOUNTAIN AND

SWITCHED BODIES OR JUST --

(LAUGHTER).

REMEMBER TWO WEEKS AGO WHEN

ROMNEY WAS THE ONE WHO WAS ALL

CONFIDENT AND STARING DAGGERS AT

OBAMA AND THE PRESIDENT WAS

LOOKING AT SOME RAPTUROUS

DREAMLAND THAT ONLY HE COULD

SEE?

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, LAST NIGHT IT WAS OBAMA

DELIVERING THE DEATH STARE WHILE

ROMNEY SUDDENLY FOUND SOMETHING

ON HIS PODIUM INCREDIBLY

FASCINATING.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THAT'S NOT ALL.

OBAMA WHO, AS WE ALL REMEMBER,

WAS (BLEEP)ING ASLEEP DURING THE

FIRST DEBATE WAS HITTING ROMNEY

LEFT AND RIGHT WITH THE ZINGERS.

>> WELL, GOVERNOR ROMNEY IS

RIGHT, YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH

JOBS BEING SHIPPED OVERSEAS

BECAUSE YOU INVESTED IN

COMPANIES THAT WERE SHIPPING

JOBS OVERSEAS.

>> Jon: BOOM!

>> YOU MENTIONED THE NAVY, FOR

EXAMPLE, AND THAT WE HAVE FEWER

SHIPS THAN WE DID IN 1916.

WELL, GOVERNOR, WE ALSO HAVE

FEWER HORSES AND BAYONETS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: BAM!

>> THE BIGGEST GEOPOLITICAL

THREAT FACING AMERICA YOU SAID

RUSSIA.

NOT AL QAEDA, YOU SAID RUSSIA.

AND THE 1980s ARE CALLING TO

ASK FOR THEIR FOREIGN POLICY

BACK.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: WELL, THAT WAS A

LITTLE HACKIE.

I MEAN THAT WAS -- THAT WAS A IT

WILL ROASTY.

I WOULDN'T (BLEEP) YOUR FOREIGN

POLICY WITH MARGARET THATCHER'S

(BLEEP), COME ON!

HICKORY DICKORY DOCK, YOUR

GEOPOLITICAL UNDERSTANDING CAN

SUCK MY --

(LAUGHTER)

SORRY.

THAT'S -- NO, PLEASE DON'T

BECAUSE THEN I'LL DO IT AGAIN

SOME NIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

SO THE PRESIDENT HAD A GOOD

NIGHT.

MUST HAVE FELT PRETTY CONFIDENT

BECAUSE HE WAS LETTING HIS

PROFESSOR OR Y'ALL SIDE SHINE

THROUGH.

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT CAME TO ONE

COUNTRY.

>> WE'VE CREATED PARTNERSHIPS

THROUGHOUT THE REGION TO DEAL

WITH EXTREMISM.

IN SOMALIA, IN YEMEN, IN

PAKISTAN.

>> Jon: WHAT?

REALLY?

(LAUGHTER)

PAH-KEE-STAHN?

REALLY?

SUDDENLY YOU'RE A GUY WHO'S

DESPERATE TO PROVE YOU ONCE

ROOMED WITH A FOREIGN EXCHANGE

STUDENT?

(LAUGHTER)

LOOK, THIS IS AMERICA, WE DON'T

USE THE PRONUNCIATION LOCALLY.

WE DON'T SAY MAY-HEE-CO OR

FRAHNCE.

MEXICO, FRANCE.

PAKISTAN.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL IN ALL LAST NIGHT MADE A

FINE CONCLUSION, THOUGH, TO THE

ILOGY OF DEBATES BETWEEN THETR

TWO CANDIDATES EAGER ACCEPTANCE

OF REMOTE CONTROLLED HELLFIRE

DRONES TO ACHIEVE THAT END.

WE LEARNED MITT ROMNEY HAS

BASICALLY COME AROUND TO BARACK

OBAMA'S POSITION ON FOREIGN

POLICY AND BARACK OBAMA'S COME

AROUND TO THE BUSH

ADMINISTRATION'S POLICY ON

AGGRESSION OVERSEAS BUT DON'T

WORRY, PEOPLE.

>> THE FOREIGN POLICY DEBATE OF

THE THREE DEBATES I ASSUME THIS

WILL BE THE LEAST WATCHED OF THE

THREE.

>> SO MANY VOTERS IN RECENT

POLLS HAVE SAID THEY DON'T CARE

ANYTHING ABOUT FOREIGN POLICY.

>> YES OR NO, THIS DEBATE

MATTER?

>> I

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