The Giving Spree

  • Aired:  08/07/14
  •  | Views: 103,072

Former Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell and his wife go on trial for a corruption scandal involving a tobacco-based wonder drug. (8:22)

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME TO "THEDAILY SHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE GOT A NICE PROGRAM FOR YOU.MY GUEST TONIGHT,

TRACY DROZ TRAGOS, SHE IS THEDIRECTOR OF THE

DOCUMENTARY "RICH HILL," WHICH

IS, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL WORK. IT'SVERY POWERFUL.

YOU SHOULD SEE IT.

OBVIOUSLY NOT RIGHT NOW.

[LAUGHTER]DO IT IN A HALF HOUR.

BUT FIRST, THE OFFICIAL RESPONSEGENERALLY TO THE PRESIDENT'S

STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH HASALWAYS BEEN A PRESTIGE SLOT FOR

POLITICIANS WHO WISH TO DESTROYTHEIR OWN PRESIDENTIAL

AMBITIONS.

[LAUGHTER]FROM RISING STAR LOUISIANA

GOVERNOR BOBBY JINDAL TO MITCHDANIELS'S DISQUALIFYING HAUNTED

HOUSE APPARITION IMPRESSIONTO MARCO RUBIO'S WHY DID I

EAT THE SILICA GEL DESICCANTI FOUND IN MY SUIT POCKET?

I'M SO THIRSTY!

IT'S CLEARLY MARKED DO NOTEAT.

NOT EVERYONE FACES SUCHIMMEDIATE DESTRUCTION.

VIRGINIA GOVERNOR BOBMCDONNELL'S STATE OF THE UNION

REBUTTAL WAS WELL RECEIVED ANDWELL DELIVERED, BUT DON'T THINK

THAT WILL ALLOW HIM TO ESCAPETHE CURSE.

[MANIACAL LAUGHING]>> THE FORMER GOVERNOR OF

VIRGINIA AND HIS WIFE ON TRIALFOR CORRUPTION.

>> FOR INFLUENCE PEDDLING.

EXCHANGING $165,000 INGIFTS FOR POLITICAL FAVORS.

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.

VIRGINIA IS FOR LOVERS OF MONEY.

BUT YOU KNOW COLD HARD CASHCAN'T HOLD YOU AT NIGHT, AND

A BLANK CHECK CAN'T WIPE AWAYYOUR TEARS.

YOU CAN'T LAY A SACAGAWEA COINON A BED OF ROSE PEDALS AND

SOFTLY -- I'M SORRY.

I'M WORKING ON OUR ROMANCENOVEL.

IT'S IN THE SUBGENRE OF THEPARANORMAL SUBGENRE OF THE TEEN

ROMANCE NOVEL SUBGENRE.

THE FEDS SAY MCDONNELL AND HISWIFE WERE SHOWERED WITH GIFTS

FROM MILLIONAIRE BUSINESSMANJOHNNIE WILLIAMS IN EXCHANGE FOR

SPECIAL TREATMENT.

BUT THAT'S JUST ONE SIDE OF THESTORY.

WHAT DOES MILLIONAIREBUSINESSMAN JOHNNIE WILLIAMS

SAY?

>> WILLIAMS SAYS HE SHOWEREDFORMER VIRGINIA GOVERNOR BOB

MCDONNELL AND HIS WIFE WITHGIFTS IN EXCHANGE FOR THEIR HELP

PROMOTING THE TOBACCO-BASED PILLHE'D INVENTED AND WAS PITCHING

AS A WONDER DRUG OF SORTS.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: I GUESS THERE IS ONLY

ONE SIDE OF THE STORY. BY THEWAY, THE WONDER DRUG THAT HE

WAS PITCHING IS CALLEDANATABOLIC OR ANTABLOC.

I'M SORRY. AND YOUMAY BE WONDERING HOW SOMEONE

COULD TURN A TOBACCO-BASED PILL

INTO A WONDER DRUG, BECAUSETHAT'S WHAT IT IS, SEEING AS

MOST TOBACCO-BASED THINGS ARE,ARE WONDER CARCINOGENS.

YOU'RE GOING TO KICK YOURSELFFOR NOT THINKING OF THIS FIRST.

HE NUKED THE TOBACCO IN 200WAL-MART MICROWAVES.

[LAUGHTER]TIRED OF FEELING BAD?

TRY SOME OF OUR HIGHLYIRRADIATED CIGARETTE PILLS.

[LAUGHTER]APPARENTLY IT TURNS OUT WHEN YOU

PUT TWO TERRIBLE THINGSTOGETHER, IT MAKES SOMETHING

GREAT.

GONORRHEA IS TERRIBLE, BUT WHENYOU MIX IT IN A CROCK POT WITH

DOG VOMIT, IT TRANSFORMS INTO AHEALTHY PART OF ANY CHILD'S

BREAKFAST.

MMM.

MMM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]THAT REALLY DOES LOOK LIKE COUNT

DRIPULA.

ALL RIGHT.

SO THE GOVERNOR AND HIS WIFEACCEPTED A FEW HUNDRED THOUSAND

DOLLARS WORTH OF GIFTS.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF THEYACTUALLY TRIED TO PROMOTE THIS

CRAZY DRUG.

>> THE GOVERNOR SET UP MEETINGSFOR MR. WILLIAMS WITH TOP STATE

OFFICIALS.

THE GOVERNOR AND FIRST LADYHOSTED AN EVENT AT THE

GOVERNOR'S MANSION.

ALSO APPEARED TO SHOW SOMEINTEREST IN ENCOURAGING PUBLIC

UNIVERSITIES TO CONDUCT CLINICALSTUDIES OF A CHEMICAL FOUND IN

THE SUPPLEMENT.

>> Jon: AND, OF COURSE,GOVERNOR MCDONNELL PERSONALLY

PUSHED THROUGH THE BILL CHANGINGVIRGINIA'S STATE FOOD TO

MARLBORO HOT POCKETS.

SOME SOLID EXAMPLES OF ANAPPARENT QUID PRO QUO.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING WEIRDER?

>> ON THE SAME DAY MCDONNELLENDORSED MITT ROMNEY FOR

PRESIDENT, MAUREEN McDONNELLALLEGEDLY PITCHED ROMNEY'S WIFE

ANN, CLAIMING WILLIAM'SPRODUCT COULD POTENTIALLY

CURE HER MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS.

[AUDIENCE REACTS]>> Jon: K, THAT... THAT'S

[BLEEPED] UP.

HOW DO THOSE TWO LIVE WITHTHEMSELVES?

WELL, I GUESS IT'S EASY THANKSTO FORGETULEX, FROM THE MAKERS

OF ANTABLOC, THE HERBALSUPPLEMENT GUARANTEED TO WIPE

OUT THE MEMORY OF A TIME YOUTRIVIALIZED A WOMAN'S

DIBILITATING AND INCURABLEDISEASE SO THAT A WHACKED OUT

SUPPLEMENT HUCKSTER WOULD BUYYOU A WATCH.

FORGETULEX, IT'S MADE OF CRUSHEDUP HEROIN NEEDLES AND BEDBUGS.

SO THIS SEEMS LIKE ANOPEN-AND-SHUT AWFUL THING.

WHAT DO THE MCDONNELLS HAVE TOSAY IN THEIR DEFENSE?

>> ATTORNEYS FOR THEMCDONNELLS SAY THE COUPLE IS

INNOCENT.

THAT THEY COULDN'T HAVE BEENCONSPIRING TO ABUSE THE OFFICE

BECAUSE THEIR MARRIAGE HADBROKEN DOWN AND THEY WERE BARELY

ON SPEAKING TERMS.

>> Jon: WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE TOBE HAPPILY MARRIED TO BE

CORRUPT, ALTHOUGH IT HELPS,LIKE INFAMOUSLY CORRUPT ITALIAN

PM SILVIO BERLUSCONIAND HIS WIFE OF 20 YEARS,

A LADY-SHAPED PILE OFCOCAINE AND GOLD.

OH, OH, THAT'S SOME GOOD BUNGABUNGA.

WHAT EVIDENCE IS THERE THATMCDONNELL'S MARRIAGE WAS EVEN

SOUR?

>> DEFENSE ATTORNEYS SAY THESTATE'S FIRST LADY HAD A CRUSH

ON JOHNNIE WILLIAMS.

>> JURORS SAW 1,200 PHONE CALLSAND TEXT MESSAGES BETWEEN

MAUREEN AND WILLIAMS.

ON THE DAY OF THE 2011VIRGINIA EARTHQUAKE, SHE TEXTED

HIM, "I JUST FELT THE EARTHMOVE, AND I WASN'T HAVING SEX."

>> Jon: ALL CAPITALS.

SO WAS THE FIRST LADY OFVIRGINIA HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH

BUSINESSMAN JOHNNIE WILLIAMS?

>> JOHNNIE WILLIAMS SAIDTHAT THERE WAS NO ROMANTIC

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HIMAND MAUREEN MCDONNELL.

HE SAID, "I DIDN'T KNOW SHEEVEN HAD ANY INTEREST IN ME

UNTIL THIS PAST WEEK."

>> Jon: WHAT, ARE THEY IN[BLEEPED] FOURTH GRADE?

WHAT IS THIS?

WILLIAMS DIDN'T PICK UP ON THESIGNALS, I GUESS BECAUSE HE'S A

CRAZY-EYED INVENTOR, GOT HISHEAD FILLED WITH SO MANY IDEAS

DOESN'T KNOW WHEN THE LADIES ARETRYING TO HIT HIM UP.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED ME.

I WAS JUST THINKING IF I PUT MYFARTS INTO A GEORGE FOREMAN

GRILL, MAYBE I CAN CURE LUPUS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M AN INVENTOR!

[LAUGHTER]PLEASE DON'T TRY DOING THAT AT

HOME.

[LAUGHTER]WHY WOULD MRS. MCDONNELL LIE

ABOUT THIS?

>> MAUREEN MCDONNELL'S CHIEFOF STAFF TOLD F.B.I.

INVESTIGATORS MAUREENMCDONNELL WAS "A NUT BAG."

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: SOMEONE'S NOT GETTING

A REFERENCE LETTER.

HERE'S WHAT I REALLY DON'TUNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT, WHY IS

"NUT BAG" A TERM FOR CRAZY?

YOU GOT TO CARRY YOUR NUTS INSOMETHING, AND A BAG SEEMS AS

SENSIBLE A CONVEYANCE OBJECT ASANYTHING. YOU KNOW WHAT

WOULD BE CRAZY? EATING NUTSOUT OF A DIAPER, BUT YOU DON'T

HEAR PEOPLE SAYING ABOUT CRAZYPEOPLE, THAT GUY'S NUT DIAPER.

APPARENTLY I'M ALONE.

EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE ISLIKE, I EAT NUTS OUT OF A

DIAPER.

I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITHTHAT.

THE POINT IS THIS: CLEARLY THEREAL VICTIM HERE IS BOB

McDONNELL BECAUSE IF THERE'SONE THING HE CARES ABOUT IS

FAMILY VALUES.

>> 34-YEAR-OLD McDONNELL WROTEHIS MASTERS THESIS ON FAMILY

VALUES.

HE SUGGESTED WORKING WOMEN ANDFEMINISTS WERE "DETRIMENTAL TO

THE FAMILY."

>> WE BELIEVE IN THE SANCTITY OFLIFE AND FAMILY AND MARRIAGE.

I THINK THESE ISSUES OF LIFE ANDFAMILY AND MARRIAGE KIND

OF DEFINE WHO YOU ARE ASA PEOPLE.

>> Jon: WOW, SO I GUESS BY YOUROWN DEFINITION YOU'RE A TERRIBLE

PERSON.

DON'T WORRY, THERE'S A CURE,LESSADOUCHE.

[LAUGHTER]IF YOU FIND YOURSELF DENOUNCING

YOUR OWN MARRIAGE IN AN ATTEMPTTO ESCAPE THE MASSIVE CORRUPTION

CHARGES FILED AGAINST YOU, YOUMAY HAVE NATURAL ETHICS

DEFICIENCY.

TREATED WITH LESSADOUCHE,IT'S MADE WITH ASBESTOS AND YOUR

PARENTS' DIVORCE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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