We're Here, We're Queer, Get Newsed to It - NY Marriage Equality & Gay Blogger Hoax

  • Aired:  06/15/11
  •  | Views: 72,080

Marriage equality in New York rests on a Staten Island Republican, and an American man pretends to be a Syrian lesbian blogger. (5:30)

FROM TIME TO TIME, WE HERE ON

THE SHOW LIKE TO CHECK IN WITH

THE GAY COMMUNITY IN A SEGMENT

WE FOR SOME REASON DECIDED TO

CALL "WE'RE HERE, WE'RE CLEAR,

GET NEWSED TO IT.

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IN CALIFORNIA

CONTINUES ITS LONG PATH THROUGH

THE COURT SYSTEM.

NEW YORK SEEMS POISED TO BECOME

THE MOST POPULATED AREA YET TO

CODIFY MARRIAGE EQUALITY.

>> GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO

ANNOUNCES HIS MARRIAGE EQUALITY

BILL, WHICH WOULD ALLOW GAY

COUPLES TO TIE THE FALMOUTH.

>> ONE VOTE IN THE STATE SENATE

IS ALL THAT'S NEEDED TO MAKE

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE THE LAW IN NEW

YORK.

>> Jon: ONE VOTE.

ONE, DO YOU HEAR THAT,

CALIFORNIA?

EAT OUR DUST.

[LAUGHTER]

WE WERE A GAY MECCA WAY BEFORE

YOU CAME ALONG, LET ME TELL YOU

THAT.

IN NEW YORK CITY, WALT WHITMAN

WAS BANGING DUDES IN BROOKLYN

WHEN YOU FOLKS WERE STILL

SQUATTING IN A RIVER BITING GOLD

NUGGETS, HUH.

IF ANYONE'S GETTING MARRIAGE

EQUALITY, IT'S GOING TO BE NEW

YORK.

CAPISCE, CALIFORNIA?

ENJOY YOUR COURT CASES.

WE'RE JUST GOING TO PUSH THIS

THROUGH THE LEGISLATURE.

WE'LL HAVE IT DONE QUICK.

>> THE BATTLE WILL GO THROUGH

THE HANDS OF NEW YORK REPUBLICAN

ANDREW LANZA.

>> Jon: THIS COULD TAKE A

WHILE.

STATEN ISLAND REPUBLICAN, HUH.

I GUESS MARRIAGE EQUALITY RESTS

ON THE HANDS OF WHETHER THIS GUY

IS WILLING TO BE CALLED THE

STATEN ISLAND FERRY FOR THE REST

OF HIS LIFE.

IT'S GOOD NEWS.

MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

THE GAY NEWS IN A PLACE LIKE

SYRIA A LITTLE MORE SOMBER.

>> A WELL-KNOWN FEMALE BLOGGER

HAS ALLEGEDLY BEEN ABDUCTED IN

SEARA.

RELATIVES OF AMEENA ABDULLAH HAS

NOT BEEN SEEN SINCE SHE WAS

BUNDZLED INTO A CAR YESTERDAY.

HER BLOG "GAY GIRL IN DAMASCUS"

HAS MADE HER A HERO OF THE

UPRISING.

>> Jon: WOW, AN OPENLY GAY

BLOGGER GIVING PRESIDENT ASAAD

THE FINGER RIGHT UNDER HIS NOSE.

THIS AMINA ABDULLAH HAS REAL

BOLS.

>> OVER THE WEEKEND, 40-YEAR-OLD

TOM McMASTER, AN AMERICAN

BASED IN SCOTLAND, ADMITTED HE

WAS THE MAN BEHIND THE POPULAR

BLOG "A GAY GIRL IN DAMASCUS."

>> THE WORDS OF A 40-YEAR-OLD

MARRIED AMERICAN MAN WHO CLAIMS

HE JUST WANTED A WESTERN

AUDIENCE TO CARE ABOUT THE STORY

IN SYRIA.

>> Jon: LITERALLY, LITERALLY

HAS BALLS.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT THE HELL?

THIS BRAVE, GAY, MISSING SYRIAN

FREEDOM FIGHTER IS NONE OF THOSE

THINGS.

AND BY THE WAY, GAY GIRL IN

DAMASCUS.

THAT MAKES AMERICANS CARE NOR

ABOUT THE STORY?

HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN OUT OF OUR

COUNTRY?

TRY BLURRY PHOTO OF

CONGRESSIONAL GENITALS IN

DAMASCUS.

NOW YOU HAVE OUR ATTENTION.

[LAUGHTER]

STILL, IT RAISES THE QUESTION,

WHY CLAIM THAT THIS FAKE PERSON

AMINA WAS KIDNAPPED, A STUNT

THAT PUT REAL NON-MAIDUP SYRIANS

IN DANGER.

>> HE WAS GOING ON VACATION TO

ISTANBUL AND SORT OF AS AN AWAY

NOTICE, HE HAS HER KIDNAPPED IN

THE BLOG.

>> BECAUSE HE WAS GOING ON

VACATION AND HE WANTED TO PUT IT

ON HOLD FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

>> Jon: VACATION FROM WHAT?

ARE YOU WORN OUT FROM SITTING IN

YOUR APARTMENT ALL DAY

PRETENDING TO BE A LESBIAN ON

THE INTERNET?

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO HAVE A

COUPLE QUIET DAYS TO MYSELF IN

MY APARTMENT LEZ BLOGGING.

THOUGH THE HOAX FOOLED ALMOST

EVERYONE IN THE MEDIA A FEW HAD

THEIR SUSPICIONS.

>> THE JOURNALIST WHO REALLY

HELPED UNCOVER THIS WHOLE THING

IS THIS GUY, ANDY CARVIN.

HE'S A SENIOR STRATEGIST OVER AT

NPR

>> Jon: THIS IS GOING TO BE AN

INTERESTING INTERVIEW ABOUT

FOLLOWING SOCIAL MEDIA.

>> WHEN DID YOU START

"SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE" FISHY?

WHEN DID YOU START SMELLING

SOMETHING FISHY?

[LAUGHTER]

JANUARY

>> Jon: THAT ONE PHYSICALLY

HURT.

NOW I'M NOT GOING TO HEAR THE

REST OF THE INTERVIEW OVER THE

LOUD SOUND OF MY OWN CHILDISH

SNICKERING.

ACTUALLY, ONE CLUE TO AMINA'S

TRUE IDENTITY WAS THE I.P.

ADDRESS THAT SHE POSTED ON THE

AMERICAN NEWS WEB SITE LEZ GET

REAL, EDITED BY PAULA BROOKS, A

WIDOWED DEAF LESBIAN MOTHER OF

TWO WHO TURNS OUT TO BE A DUDE,

AS WELL.

THIS GUY, 58-YEAR-OLD BILL

GRAVER, A RETIRED OHIO MILITARY

MAN AND CONSTRUCTION WORKER.

SO NOW I'M COMPLETELY [BLEEPED]

FREAKED OUT BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT

THAT THE LESBIANS WE CARED THE

MOST ABOUT IN THE WORLD ARE

DUDES.

IF ELLEN DeGENERES TURNS OUT

TO BE A LONELY 61-YEAR-OLD

CATTLE RANCHER FROM WYOMING

NAMED DIRK CANYON, I AM NO

LONGER DANCING ALONG WITH HER AT

HOME.

BECAUSE I DO.

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