Oh My God, Rick Perry Is Going to Be Our Next President - Second Installment

  • Aired:  09/08/11
  •  | Views: 205,540

Republicans have a choice between a guy with a multipoint fact-based plan that he thinks will get the economy going and a guy who will punch cancer in the face. (5:55)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

AS YOU KNOW, LAST NIGHT'S

REPUBLICAN DEBATE WAS RICK PERRY

V MITT ROMNEY AS YOU KNOW WHEN

THERE IS CONFLICT, THERE IS A

WINNER AND A LOSER.

>> THE REAL HEADLINE TONIGHT IS

ROMNEY LIVES BECAUSE -- BECAUSE

PERRY FAILED.

>> INTELLECTUALLY MITT ROMNEY

GOT THE BETTER OF HIM.

>> ROMNEY WAS MORE STATESMAN

LIKE.

>> RICK PERRY IS ASKING FOR

TROUBLE WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT

SOCIAL SECURITY THE WAY HE DID.

>> BY EMBRACING THE PONZI IDEA

HE DESTROYED HIS CANDIDACY.

>> CALLING SOCIAL SECURITY A

PONZI SCHEME USING OTHER WORDS.

I THINK THAT'S THE LEAD IN THE

"NEW YORK TIMES" TOMORROW, I

WOULD BET.

>> Jon: OH, "THE NEW YORK

TIMES".

MY GUEST IS RICK PERRY WILL BE

SERIOUS WILL THEIR -- FURIOUS

WITH THEIR EDITORIAL BOARD AS HE

PER RUSES IT OVER --

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE DESTROYED HIS CANDIDACY IN

THE PONZI SCHEME COMMENT AND THE

PART WHERE HE SAYS SOCIAL

SECURITY IS BROKEN AND MUST BE

FIXED EVEN THOUGH MOST PEOPLE

VOTING IN THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY

AGREE WITH HIM.

THIS IS NOT A RACE FOR THE

PRESIDENCY OF PUBDITYTOWN.

MEDIA YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT

THIS WITH THE WRONG PART OF YOUR

BRAIN, THE BRAIN PART.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THEY WERE SURE THAT PERRY MADE A

DEVASTATING CONCEPTUAL ERROR AND

THE AUDIENCE WOULD REBUKE HIM

FOR HIS GAFFE.

REAGAN LIBRARY AIN'T A READING

LIBRARY.

>> A QUESTION ABOUT TEXAS, YOUR

STATE HAS EXECUTED 234 DEATH ROW

INMATES MORE THAN ANY OTHER

GOVERNOR IN MODERN TIMES.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Jon: THE BIGGEST APPLAUSE

LINE OF THE NIGHT WAS THE MERE

MENTION THAT RICK PERRY HAD

EXECUTED 234 PEOPLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HOLY (bleep) BALL!

BY THE WAY, LIKE SOME OF THEM

MAY BE INNOCENT BUT LOOK AT THE

CROWD.

THEY ARE NOT YAHOOS.

THIS IS NOT YOUR TORTURED PITCH

FORK ANGRY -- THESE ARE PEOPLE

WITH FIRM OPINIONS ON WHICH IS

THE BEST BRAND OF RIDING MOWER.

THE AUDIENCE OF THIS DEBATE WERE

THE PEOPLE WHO GIVE OUT RAISINS

ON HALLOWEEN.

THEY OWN THE BLIND SIDE ON DVD

AND YET -- WILLIAMS DOESN'T EVEN

KNOW WHAT TO DO OF THIS?

>> WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS

DYNAMIC THAT JUST HAPPENED HERE?

THE MENTION OF EXECUTIONS OF 234

PEOPLE DRAW APPLAUSE.

>> IN TEXAS OUR PEOPLE MADE IT

CLEAR.

THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO COMMIT

THOSE CRIMES AGAINST OUR

CITIZENS AND IF YOU DO, YOU WILL

FACE THE ULTIMATE JUSTICE.

>> Jon: I'M FROM JERSEY, WE

DON'T WANT PEOPLE KILLING US

EITHER.

WE DON'T KILL EVERYBODY WHO

MIGHT.

I HAVE THE WORDS ULTIMATE AND

JUSTICE TATTOOED ACROSS MY

KNUCKLES.

SURE I HAD TO DOUBLE UP ON SOME

OF THE LETTERS BECAUSE THE

NUMBER TOLL LETTER RATIO IT

DOESN'T -- BECAUSE THE KNUCKLE

TO LETTER RATIO DOESN'T WORK OUT

PERFECT.

I CAN'T PROMISE YOU THAT JUSTICE

IS SPELLED 100% CORRECT BUT I

STAND BY THE SENTIMENT.

RAV LAUGH A SOPHISTICATED AND

PRESIDENTIAL ROMNEY HAS NO IDEA

HOW TO CONNECT WITH THESE

PEOPLE.

IN THE TEA PARTY.

I BELIEVE IN A LOT OF WHAT THE

TEA PARTY BELIEVES IN.

I PUT TOGETHER A PLAN OF HOW TO

GET THE ECONOMY GOING AGAIN.

TEA PARTY PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: NOW, HERE IS PERRY.

>> I HATE CANCER.

>> Jon: OH, (bleep).

I HATE CANCER, ROMNEY YOU JUST

GOT RICK ROLLED (bleep).

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

THIS IS WHY THIS MAN IS

FORMIDABLE.

REPUBLICANS HAVE A CHOICE

BETWEEN A GUY WITH A MULTIPOINT

FACT BASED PLAN THAT HE THINKS

CAN GET THE ECONOMY GOING OR A

GUY THAT CAN PUNCH (bleep) IN

THE FACE.

YOU ARE UP AGAINST SOMETHING YOU

ARE TOO SMART TO UNDERSTAND.

LET ME BREAK IT DOWN SO YOU CAN

GUT IT.

HE ACTIVATES A NEURO IND CRIN

REACTION AS A HOT WAVE OF

IMPULSES STIMULATING THE LIMB

LIMBLYMBIC SYSTEM.

YOU DON'T GET RICK PERRY HERE.

YOU GET HIM HERE!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MITT ROMNEY --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I HAVE TO DO THAT MORE OFTEN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S QUITE PLEASANT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

MITT ROMNEY IS RALPH LAUREN,

RICK PERRY IS THE PHEROMONE OF

THE SRI LANKAN TIGER SEEM YEN.

GET READY DEMOCRATS BECAUSE THAT

IS THE HOMBRE YOU ARE UP

AGAINST.

>> I THINK THE DNC SHOULD TAKE

THE SOCIAL SECURITY LINE OF MR.

PERRY AND ATTACK ON SOCIAL

SECURITY AND THE PONZI SCHEME

AND PUT OUT BUMPER STICKERS

SAYING IT'S NOT OBAMA IT'S ABOUT

YOUR MAMA AND WE'LL WIN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: WHAT?

WE CONCLUDE OUR SECOND

INSTALLMENT OF

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