Indecision 2012 - Corn Polled Edition - Ames Entertainment Preview

  • Aired:  08/11/11
  •  | Views: 97,516

The key to winning the Iowa straw poll isn't having the best platform and message, but having the most kick-ass tent. (6:14)

WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW,

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT A MAN NAME

MICHAEL WALLIS, AUTHOR OF A

NEW BOOK CALLED DAVID

CROCKETT, THAT'S RIGHT,

DAVID.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WHAT MR. CROCKETT

PREFERRED AND ACTUALLY HE

DIDN'T WEAR A RACOON TAILED

HAT, HE WORE A CA RON PELT

CHAPPEAU.

THEY GAVE ME THE SEN

TEN-- SENTENCED UTTERED

EVERY FOUR YEARS.

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT IS IN

A MARK ES, EYE WATCH.

THE IOWA STRAW POLL WHICH IS

THE SUBJECT OF INDECISION

2012, CORN POLL EDITION.

THE IOWA STRAW POLL IS, OF

COURSE, THE EARLY AUGUST TO

THE VERY PREDICTIVE

PRECURSOR TO JANUARY'S

WILDLY NONPREDICTIVE IOWA

CAUCUS.

(LAUGHTER)

THE IDEA IS PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDATES SET UP TENTS.

IN THOSE TENTS THE CANDIDATE

OFFERS TO PAY AN INDIVIDUAL

$30 STRAW POLL ENTRANCE FEE.

IN RETURN, THE INDIVIDUAL

PROMISES TO CAST THEIR VOTE

FOR SAID CANDIDATE ALL WHILE

BOTH PARTIES PRETEND THIS

CORRUPT TRANSACTION IN NO

WAY AFFECTS EITHER PARTY'S

INHERENT HEARTLAND FOXINESS.

IT'S JUST GOOD OLD PARKED

DOWN HOME COUNTRY VOTE

BUYING.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL THE FUN OF A POLL TAX

WITH NONE OF THE

CONSEQUENCES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> SO CLEARLY THE KEY TO

INING WITH THE IOWA STRAW

POLL IS NOT SOME OF HAVING

THE BEST PLATFORM AND

MESSAGE BUT THE MOST

KICK-ASS TENT.

AND DARE I SAY NO ONE CAN

PITCH A TENT--

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

LIKE MICHELE BACHMANN.

>> COME FROM 9 TO 5, WE HAVE

AN AIR CONDITIONED TENT.

WE'VE GOT CHAIRS.

WE'VE GOT LIVE, WE'VE GOT

COUNTRY LEGEND SUPERSTAR

RANDY TRAVIS LIVE.

WE'RE ALSO GOING TO HAVE A

PETTING ZOO FOR THE KIDS AND

FOOD.

I MEAN IT IS FUN AND

ENTERTAINMENT.

>> THE RANDY TRAVIS THING IS

UNDER BELIEVABLE.

YOU HAVE RANDY TRAVIS, I

CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GAVE RANDY

TRAVIS SECOND BILLING TO

CHAIRS.

WE GOT CHAIRS AND RANDY

TRAVIS.

(LAUGHTER)

SO THE PIMPED OUT

TENT-BIDDING STANDS AT

CHAIRS, PETTING ZOO AND

RANDY TRAVIS.

WHO CAN TOP IT.

>> I WILL SAY THAT TIM

PAWLENTY HAS MIKE HUCKABEE

PERFORMING IN A STRAW POLL

CONCERT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SO NOBODY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: NOBODY'S GOT

ANYTHING ELSE.

LOOK, HUCK A KBEE, MUSIC

FROM HUCKABEE BUT IT'S NOT A

GREAT SIGN FOR YOU WHEN YOUR

MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENT COULD

PROBABLY DO BETTER THAN YOU

IN THE STRAW POLL IN IOWA.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SO HUCKABEE HAS THE

CONSTITUENCY AND IF HE'S

THROWING HIS FULL SUPPORT

BEHIND PAWLENTY, THAT IS

MEANINGFUL.

>> FORMER ARKANSAS GOVERNOR

MIKE HUCKABEE IS GOING TO

JOIN GOSPEL SINGER AND

PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

HERMAN CAIN ON STAGE AT THE

IOWA STRAW POLL IN AMES THIS

WEEKEND.

WHAT?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: HUCKABEE YOU DOUBLE

BOOKED THE AMES IOWA STRAW

POLL?

FOR RICK SANTORUM WILL BE

THERE.

HIS TENT BOASTS RICK

SANTORUM SUMMER DANCE PARTY

WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS THE

LOWEST TESTING BET PILOT

EVER.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: HI, EVERYBODY, WHO

HERE LIKES TO CHA-CHA.

REMEMBER LEAVE ROOM FOR

JESUS.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, IF SUMMER DANCE

PARTIES ARE NOT YOUR THING,

PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE SOME

OF RICK SANTORUM'S HOMEMADE

PEACH JELLY.

THEY'RE HANDING OUT SAMPLES

OF THEIR PEACH JELLY.

WOW.

RICK SANTORUM MUST REALLY BE

TRYING TO CHANGE THE SEARCH

RESULTS THAT COME UP WHEN

PEOPLE GOOGLE SANTORUM AND

JELLY.

NOW RICK--

(APPLAUSE)

RICK, IT'S THE AMES STRAW

POLL.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE TENT.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU'VE GOT

SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAT'S

GOING TO BRING PEOPLE TO

YOUR TENT.

>> HOW ABOUT MIKE HUCKABEE,

REMEMBER HIM THE FORMER

GOVERNOR OF ARKANSAS, WILL

ALSO GOING TO PERFORM AT

RICK SANTORUM'S TENT.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: MIKE HUCK A BEE, I

NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE

TO SAY THIS TO YOU, YOU ARE

A SHUT.

(LAUGHTER)

-- SLUT.

SO WHETHER THE STRAW POLL IS

PREDICTIVE OR NOT, THE MEDIA

EYES OF THE COUNTRY WILL BE

FOCUSED ON AMES, IOWA THIS

WEEKEND, WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN

ONE THING.

>> PACK IT IN, BOYS.

JUST THIS MORNING WE'VE

LEARNED THAT SARAH PALIN IS

ACTUALLY GOING TO BE IN IOWA

TODAY.

>> Jon: YUP, FOX NEWS

CONTRIBUTOR SARAH PALIN'S

PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT SUSPENDED

GREYHOUND OF FREEDOM TOUR

HAS MIRACULOUSLY

RECONSTITUTED IN THE HAWKEYE

STATE THIS WEEKEND.

WHY?

>> SARAH PALIN IS NOT ON THE

BALLOT IN THE IOWA STRAW

POLL.

SHE'S NOT A DECLARED

CONDITION DATA FOR

PRESIDENT.

BUT GUESS WHAT, SHE

ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT SHE

IS TAKING HER ONE NATION BUS

TOUR HERE TO IOWA.

THAT IS RIGHT.

SHE WANTS TO BE PART OF THE

DEBATE, CLEARLY.

>> Jon: WELL, NOT PART OF

THE DEBATE.

JUST CLOSE ENOUGH TO THE

DEBATE THAT HER PRESENCE

DROWNS IT OUT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: I SWEAR TO GOD, SHE

IS NOT RUNNING FOR

PRESIDENT.

SHE'S RUNNING TO BE THE

MAYOR OF [BLEEP] BLOCKINGTON.

OTHER THAN PALIN THERE IS

ONLY ONE OTHER THING THAT

COULD DISTRACT THE PRESS

CORPS.

>> THE HOT NEW DISH AT THE

IOWA STATE FAIR IS DEEP

FRIED BUTTER ON A STICK.

>> DEEP FRIED BUTTER.

>> FRIED PUT CERTIFICATE THE

NEW BIG THING.

>> THAT NOT A CORN DOG, IT

LOOKS LIKE A CORN DOG T SAY

FRIED BUTTER LOG.

YOU HEARD ME, A FRIED BUTTER

LOG.

THAT WILL COST YOU FOUR

BUCKS AT THE IOWA STATE

FAIR.

>> Jon: FOUR BUCKS!

OF COURSE IF THAT'S TOO RICH

FOR YOUR CLEARLY STRUGGLING

BLOOD, FOR $2 THERE IS A

GENTLEMEN TOW FAIR WHO WILL

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