Gotham Pity

  • Aired:  04/24/12
  •  | Views: 35,640

Jason Jones and The Best F#@king News Team Ever help a frustrated voter feel as though his vote actually matters. (4:53)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

HEY IT'S A NEW YORK�"ePRIMARY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU KNOW WHY -- BECAUSE DOESN'T MATTER.

JASON JONES HAS MORE.

>> THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY HAS BEEN A 24 HOUR NEWS EXTRAVAGANZA FOR STATES LIKE NEW HAMPSHIRE

AND IOWA.

CANDIDATES AND REPORTERS FLOCKED TO LOCAL DINERS, NEWSSTANDS,

LUNCH COUNTERS, CAFES, DINER AND GREASY SPOONS DROWNING THEM WITH ATTENTION AND PA LRNT I CHEESE.

IT WAS ON TO NEW YORK BUT WITH THE EARLY STATES MAKING MITT ROMNEY THE PRESUMPTIVE NOMINEE

NO ONE IS HERE.

THERE WERE NO TV CAMERAS NEW YORK SUPPORTERS.

>> OFF TO VOTE?

NO.

>> VOTERS LIKE KEVIN HARDWICK WERE DISAPPOINTED.

THOSE PEOPLE IN IOWA AND NEW HAMPSHIRE.

ON MY BUCKET LIST JUST ONCE I WANT TO CAST A VOTE THAT MATTERS.

>> I KNEW I WHAT I HAD TO DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY WE'RE GOING TO

TICK SOMETHING OFF THAT LIST AND GET YOU THAT MUCH CLOSER TO DEATH.

>> IT WAS TIME FOR "THE DAILY SHOW"'S SHOW NEW YORK PRIMARY

DAY FANTASY-DREAM MACHINE THING.

YOU SAY YOU ARE FRUSTRATED BY THIS PROCESS.

YOU SAY YOUR VOTE DOESN'T MATTER.

TODAY I WANT YOU TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

ALL RIGHT?

BUS DRIVER MOVE THIS BUS.

>> WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?

(bleep) AH!

THERE THEY ARE THE� MEDIA.

WE| WERE GOING TO MAKE KEVIN FEEL LIKE A VOTER THAT ACTUALLY MATTERED.

FIRST STOP HIS OWN CABLE NEWS PANEL.

WE GOT HIM A RED NECK, A MUSLIM,

A SOCCER MOM, A NONTHREATENING BLACK COUPLE AND SOLE DAD O'BRIEN CHNCH CANDIDATE DO YOU

THINK REPRESENTS A ROW PROLIFE VOICE AND WHY?

LET'S HEAR FROM KEVIN.

>> MITT ROMNEY SAYS.

>> IF I COULD MAKE TWO POINTS,

GREAT POINT AND LETTER B I AGREE WITH WHATEVER KEVIN SAYS.

>> SOCCER MOM?

>> A DEGREE, THE CHILDREN ARE OUR CHILDREN.

>> OKAY.

>> LET'S MOVE TO A HOT BUTTON ON GAY MARRIAGE.

WHICH CANDIDATE SPEAKS TO YOUR CONCERNS ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE THE BEST.

KEVIN?

WELL, SOLE DAD, I'M OPPOSED TO TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE.

I GRAVITATE BACK TO A GUY LIKE RICK SANTORUM.

>> YES, AN ANTIHOMO LIKE US.

>> THAT'S A GOOD PLACE TO LEAVE IT.

>> HE DOESN'T REFLECT YOUR OPINION, DOES HE?

>> NO.

>> HE TAKES IT TO THE NEXT LOGICAL CONCLUSION.

LET'S GO.

>> AND ALTHOUGH IOWA HAS HAD ADS TAILORED TO THEM.

NEW YORK VOTERS HAD TO BE CONTENT WITH SATANIC CAR SERVICE SIGNALS.

THAT ALL CHANGES TODAY.

>> MITT ROMNEY SAYS HE WON'T DEPORT YOUR CHILDREN BUT CAN WE REALLY TRUST A MAN WITH 15 HOUSES.

THAT'S A LOT OF HOUSES.

>> BUT RICK SANTORUM IS A MAN THAT AMERICANS -- AMERICANS LIKE WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

>> KEVIN.

>> AMERICANS LIKE KEVIN, RICK SANTORUM 2012.

>> WOW.

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF IOWA HERE.

LET'S GO VOTE.

>> IT WAS GO TIME AND WITH THE SUPPORTERS CHEERING HIM ON -- MOMENT OF TRUTH.

>> GET IN THERE AND MAKE US PROUD.

>> YOU GO GET THEM, KEVIN.

>> VOTE YOUR ASS OFF, KEVIN.

♪ ♪

[ APPLAUSE ]

♪ ♪

>> UNREAL.

>> IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY A GREAT DAY BUT IN THE END I KNOW IT'S

STILL FANTASY AND NOTHING HAPPENS.

>> IT WAS OFF TO THE INDIANA PRIMARY ON MAY 8 TO GIVE THE FOLKS THERE WHO DON'T MATTER A

CHANCE TO MATTER.

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