The German Love Boat & Halal in the Family

  • Aired:  02/14/13
  •  | Views: 41,693

CNN gives a cruise ship crisis wall-to s**t-covered-wall coverage, and the Organisation of Islamic Cooperation meets in Cairo. (3:15)

["THE COLBERT REPORT" THEME MUSIC["DAILY SHOW" THEME SONG PLAYING]

DHAWZ.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A VERY NICE PROGRAM FOR YOU TONIGHT.

MY GUEST AMBASSADOR TO TO UNITED TO THE UNITED NATIONS SUSAN RICE IS HERE.

WE DON'T KNOW HOW WE GOT HER ON THE PROGRAM BUT PERHAPS IT'S A VALENTINE'S WISH.

WANT TO GIVE A QUICK SHOUT OUT TO THE LOVERS OUT THERE SOME OF WHOM ARE CLEARLY LYING.

ALL THE LOVERS THAT THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA TO TAKE THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER ON THE

CRUISE FOR THE HOLIDAY AND ENDED UP STRANDED AT SEA SPENDING SIX DAYS CRAPPING INTO A PLASTIC BAG

OR AS THE GERMANS CALL THAT, THE LOVE BOAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

CNN HAS BEEN ON THE CASE FOR SOME REASON GIVING THIS BOAT CRISIS WALL TO (bleep) COVERED

WALL COVERAGE TREATING A STALLED CRUISE SHIP LIKE IT'S THE SHACKLETON EXPEDITION.

>> IT'S A GREAT MOMENT TO VISUALLY CONNECT YOU TO THE DAUGHTER YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IN

SEVEN DAYS.

>> Jon: YEAH, YOU ARE NOT HEROS, GUYS.

IT'S NOT A HOSTAGE SITUATION OR A BABY IN A WELL.

YOU RECONNECTED THEM.

THEY WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE EACH OTHER.

SHE'S ON A CRUISE FOR A FEW DAYS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

MEANWHILE, THE SHIP OF STOOL ENJOYS 24/7 COVERAGE AND A SLOW TUG JOB BACK TO MOBILE, ALABAMA,

WHILE OTHER STORIES REMAIN REMARKABLY UNDER THE RADAR.

>> HEADS OF STATE AND LEADERS FROM 57 ISLAMIC COUNTRIES EXCLUDING SYRIA ARE IN THE TWO

DAY CAPITAL FOR THE MEETING.

>> Jon: INTERESTING BUT ARE THEY (bleep) IN BAGS?

IF THEY ARE NOT -- I SEE IT'S THE OIC.

NOT AS CATCHY AS ISLAMAPALOOZA BUT IT WILL DO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ARE YOU GETTING THAT?

ALL RIGHT.

THE OIC LED BY SECRETARY GENERAL EKMELEDDIN IHSANOGLU OR AS HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM -- YEAH.

THEY SAY HOW WALKING OFF PRIVATE PLAN PLANES IS FOR CHUMPS.

CHECK THAT BAD BOY OUT.

ESCALATORS OUT OF PLANES.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU THINK THAT'S COOL?

NOBODY OUTLAZIES AMERICA.

THAT'S HOW YOU GET OFF A PLANE IN THE MUSLIM WORLD.

GUESS HOW WE'RE GOING TO GET OFF PLANES FROM NOW ON?

WHAT IS UP BITCHES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT IS

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