Indecision 2012 - Saturday Right Fever

  • Aired:  11/14/11
  •  | Views: 96,285

The 3,000th Republican debate provided an opportunity to follow compelling GOP story lines, such as whether or not Mitt Romney's study of humans has paid off. (4:30)

COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: HEY, EVERYBODY.

WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A GOOD GUEST TONIGHT.

NOBEL PAEZ PRIZE WINNER LEYMAH

GBOWEE GOING TO BE JOINING US

ON THE PROGRAM TONIGHT.

THE PRESSING QUESTION IS HOW

DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'VE HAD TOO

MANY DEBATES?

HERE'S A CLUE.

SATURDAY NIGHT'S,000th

REPUBLICAN DEBATE WAS AN

HOUR-AND-A-HALF.

BUT CBS ONLY AIRED ONE HOUR OF

IT SO THEY COULD STILL BRING

YOU, THE VIEWER, A FRESH

N.C.I.S. RERUN.

CBS WANTED PEOPLE TO LEARN

SOMETHING.

ABOUT HOW THE GOVERNMENT CAN

WORK.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT THE FIRST HOUR STILL

PROVIDED AN OPPORTUNITY TO

FOLLOW COMPELLING STORY LINES.

WOULD GINGRICH'S RECENT POLL

SURGE CONTINUE.

DOES ME SAYING POLL SURGE MAKE

YOU THINK OF HERMAN CAIN?

WOULD RICK PERRY FINALLY THINK

OF THAT THIRD THING?

IF YOU BET RON PAUL WAS OVER

90 SECONDS OF SPEAKING TIME,

WOULD YOU LOSE THAT BET?

THE ANSWER IS YES, YES, AND...

MOST IMPORTANTLY HAS MITT

ROMNEY'S STUDY OF HUMANS PAID

OFF.

COULD HE MANIPULATE HIS FACIAL

STRUCTURE IN SUCH A WAY AS TO

AAPPEAR TO BE LISTENING TO HIS

OPPONENTS INTENTLY YET

SKEPTICALLY.

NO, THAT SAYS MORE LIKE I'M

PRETENDING I'M WATCHING A

PUPPY PLAY WITH A BALL.

ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS I BELIEVE WHAT I SMELL

IS POPCORN.

THAT ONE SAYS I'M CURRENTLY

WATCHING A WOMAN CRUSH A SMALL

ANIMAL WITH HER HEEL.

OR RICK PERRY.

IT'S CALLED MITT FACE.

IT'S SWEEPING THE NATION.

OR AT LEAST IT WAS UNTIL HIS

CAMPAIGN GOT AN INJUNCTION

FROM THE PRODUCERS OF THE

INDIE HORROR FILM MITT FACE.

A BASEBALL PLAYER INVOLVED IN

A HEAD-ON COLLISION AT THE

PLAY AT THE PLATE ENDED UP

WITH MITT FACE.

I'M NOT SURE WHY I HAD TO YELL

THAT AT YOU.

ON THE TO THE ACTUAL SUBSTANCE

OF THE DEB.

THE SUBJECT WAS FOREIGN

POLICY.

ALL THE CANDIDATES SEEMED TO

AGREE AMERICA TO NEEDS TO

START KICKING THE WORLD'S ASS

AND TAKE SOME FUNNY SOUNDING

NAMES.

>> WE HAVE TO HAVE CHINA

UNDERSTAND THAT LIKE EVERYBODY

ELSE ON THE WORLD STAGE THEY

HAVE TO PLAY BY THE RULES.

>> THE CORRECT THING IN AN ACT

OF WAR IS TO KILL PEOPLE WHO

ARE TRYING TO KILL YOU.

>> FOR EVERY COUNTRY THE

FOREIGN BUDGET WILL START AT

ZERO DOLLARS.

>> Jim: I THINK I HAVE THE

REPUBLICAN TAKE ON FOREIGN

POLICY.

IT'S, OH, WHAT IS IT?

BOOM, B AND-BOOM.

CHINA, IRAN, PAKISTAN.

BA-BOOM.

WE'RE BACK, BABY.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, CRAZY GAZER SATAN LADY.

YOU WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING.

>> I WOULD NOT AGREE WITH THAT

ASSESSMENT TO PULL ALL FOREIGN

AID FROM PAKISTAN.

>> Jon: LADY WHO BELIEVES HP-

VACCINES CALLED RETARDATION.

WHAT?

>> PAKISTAN HAS A NUCLEAR

WEAPON.

THE NEXT COMMANDER IN CHIEF

HAS TO UNDERSTAND FROM DAY ONE

THE INTRICACYS THAT ARE

HAPPENING IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES

BECAUSE ALL THE CRAZY (BEEP)

YOU SAY, IT'S EASY TO FOR GET

YOU SIT ON THE COMMITTEE ON

INTELLIGENCE.

YOU ACTUALLY KNOW SOMETHING

ABOUT PAKISTAN.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'LL BE REASONABLE.

LET'S GO TO THIS GUY RICK

SANTORUM.

GIVE US FOREIGN POLICY RED

MEAT, BROTHER.

>> YOU DON'T COW BOY THIS ONE.

YOU DON'T FLY INTO PAKISTAN

AND TRY TO INTERDICT A NUCLEAR

WEAPON.

YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH THE

PEOPLE IN POWER IN THE

GOVERNMENT.

>> Jon: (BEEP)?

ALL RIGHT.

YOU WERE ON THE SENATE ARMED

SERVICES COMMITTEE SO YOU KNOW

PAKISTAN AND IRAN ARE

COMPLICATED ISSUES.

IF ONLY EVERYTHING WAS AS

SIMPLE AS GAY PEOPLE ARE

ANIMALS.

YOU KNOW, THAT KIND OF THING.

AT LEAST NO ONE IS GOING TO

CHALLENGE MITT ROMNEY'S CHINA

BETTER WISE THE (BEEP) UP,

RIGHT?

>> I DON'T KNOW THAT THIS

COUNTRY NEEDS A TRADE WAR WITH

CHINA.

>> Jon: UNLESS YOU SEE BECAUSE

WE NEED A REAL WAR WITH CHINA.

>> WHO DOES IT HURT?

OUR SMALL BUSINESSES.

>> Jon: WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT

CHINA?

FORMER AM

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