Me Talk Reluctantly One Day

  • Aired:  05/14/13
  •  | Views: 248,528

President Obama learns about government scandals involving his administration the same way most other Americans do. (4:52)

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME TO THE

DAILY SHOW, THIS IS JON

STEWART.

BIG SHOW TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT TONY

NOMINEE NATHAN LANE WILL BE

JOINING US NOW ON BROADWAY

IN A PHENOMENAL PLAY, "THE

NANCE"

IT IS THE STORY OF CBS

SPORTSCASTER JIM NANCE AND

IT IS--

(LAUGHTER)

THAT JUST KILLED IN THE

PRESS BOX AT PATRIOT STADIUM

BUT OTHER THAN THAT-- WE

BEGIN TONIGHT IN WASHINGTON.

WHERE PRESIDENT OBAMA FINDS

HIMSELF IN A VERITABLE SLUM

OF SCANDALS WHERE WITH THE

IRS TARGETING POLITICAL O

POINTS.

THE THE STATE DEPARTMENT

MANIPULATING POINT, THE POST

OFFICE SENDING PORNOGRAPHY

TO PEOPLE'S HOMES ADDRESSED

TO SOMEBODY WHO DIDN'T EVEN

ORDER IT.

WHY WOULD I ORDER

PORNOGRAPHY, I MEANS

THAT'S-- THE LAST ONE IS

PROBABLY NOT AN

ADMINISTRATION SCANDAL, I

JUST FIND IT FRUSTRATING.

ALL RIGHT.

THE PRESIDENT WAS FORTUNATE

YESTERDAY THAT WHEN HE

APPEARED BEFORE THE PRESS,

HE WAS KPD BY BRITISH PRIME

MINISTER CAMERON.

AND A QUESTION LIMIT OF ONE.

TOTAL FROM THE ENTIRE

AMERICAN PRESS CORP. GIVE IT

YOUR BEST SHOT, GUYS.

>> WHEN DID YOU FIRST LEARN

THAT THE IRS WAS TARGETING

CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL GROUPS?

DO YOU FEEL THAT THE IRS

BETRAYED THE PUBLIC A TRUST

AND WHAT DO YOU THINK THE

REPERCUSSIONS FOR THESE

ACTIONS SHOULD BE?

>> Jon: TECHNICALLY THAT WAS

THREE QUESTIONS.

BUT OBVIOUSLY ONE GENERAL

MILL LIKE TOOTHPASTE THAT

INCLUDES FLUORIDE AND WHITENER,

COMES OUT OF THE SAME TUBE

BUT PROVIDES TRIPLE

PROTECTION.

AQUAFRESH.

IT'S LIKE BRUSHING YOUR

TEETH WITH A COLOURFUL

ZEBRA.

(LAUGHTER)

ANYWAY, GREAT JOB.

WE'RE ON BASIC CABLE.

WE'RE TRYING TO RAISE MONEY.

GREAT JOB BY THAT INTREPID

REPORTER GETTING AN IRS

THREE-FER FOR THE ONE

QUESTION.

>> AND ON BENGHAZI-- .

>> Jon: HOLY [BLEEP]

SOMEBODY JUST ADDED TARTAR

CONTROL!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: TARTAR CONTROL,

BECAUSE APPARENTLY THIS ONE

DOESN'T CONTROL TARTAR.

LET'S TARTAR RUN ALL OVER

YOUR MOUTH.

>> FROM I WAS ALWAYS TOLD

THE WHOLE POINT OF

TOOTHPASTE WAS TO CONTROL

TARTAR BUT IN THE WORLD OF

AQUAFRESH IT IS A BON IS

STRIPE.

(LAUGHTER)

MY IMPRESSION OF THE

AQUAFRESH MARKETING

DEPARTMENT, SEND STEWART A

CARTON OF AQUAFRESH-- WAIT

WAIT-- ANYWAY.

THE POINT IS THE WHITE HOUSE

WAS NOT QUITE SO SUCCESSFUL

IN RESTRICTING THE FREEDOM

OF THIS PARTICULAR PRESS.

LET'S START WITH THE FIRST

QUERY, MR. PRESIDENT, WHEN

DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THE

IRS TARGETING CONSERVATIVE

GROUPS?

>> I FIRST LEARNED ABOUT IT

FROM THE SAME NEWS REPORTS

THAT I THINK MOST PEOPLE

LEARNED ABOUT THIS.

I THINK IT WAS ON FRIDAY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: NOTICE HE THOUGHT TO

RUN THAT UP THE FLAG POLE

LET'S SAY THE HEAD OF THE

IRS WHO HAS KNOWN ABOUT IT

AN YEAR.

THE FAVORITE PART WAS I

THINK IT WAS-- ON FRIDAY, I

THINK.

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT WAS THAT DAY THAT I

FOUND OUT THAT THE IRS MAY

BE USING ITS POWER FOR

POLITICAL PURPOSES LET'S SEE

THAT WAS-- WELL, OH, THE

BEER SUMMIT WAS ON WEDNESDAY

AND THEN THURSDAY WAS

LISTENING TO AMERICAN PHONE

CALLS AND RANDOMLY FIRING

DRONE MISSILES WHERE.

WAS I WHEN I HEARD THE IRS

NEWS I WAS AT THE MOSQUE

PRAYING, SO YES, FRIDAY, I

THINK IT WAS FRIDAY.

(APPLAUSE)

BUT I GUESS I CAN BUY THAT

NOBODY IN THE ADMINISTRATION

THOUGHT TO MENTION THIS

ISSUE TO THE PRESIDENT,

SLIGHT OVERSIGHT IT NEVER

HAPPENED BEFORE.

>> I HEARD ON THE NEWS ABOUT

THIS STORY THAT FAST AND

FURIOUS RZ IT HAPPENED ONE

OTHER TIME WITH THE FAST AND

FURIOUS, FAILED GUN TRACKING

OPERATION WHERE SOMEBODY

ALLOWED PEOPLE TO BRING DK --

INTO MEXICO TO SEE WHERE

THEY ENDED UP WHILE

FORGETTING TO FIND OUT WHERE

THEY ENDED UP.

>> IT WAS SOMETHING WE FOUND

OUT ABOUT A LONG WITH ALL OF

YOU RZ AND THAT OTHER TIME

WHEN AIR FORCE ONE DID AN

UNANNOUNCED POST 9/11 LOWER

MANHATTAN STATUE OF LIBERTY

FLY OVER FOR THIS SWEET OT

OWE-- PHOTO OP THAT IN NO

WAY COULD HAVE BEEN PHOTO

SHOPPED SAVE LOWER

MANHATTANITES TRAUMA RELATED

DIARRHEA.

>> WE DON'T HAVE ANY

INDEPENDENT KNOWLEDGE OF

THAT.

HE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT WITH

THE NEWS REPORTS YESTERDAY

ON THE ROAD RZ AND

YESTERDAY'S NEWS OF THE

DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE HAD

SEEN TWO MONTHS OF PHONE

RECORDS FROM AP REPORTERS.

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF

PRESIDENT OBAMA LEARNED

OSAMA BIN LADEN HAD BEEN

KILLED WHEN HE SAW HIMSELF

ANNOUNCING IT ON TELEVISION.

(APPLAUSE)

OH, WOW, WE DID THAT.

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE TELL ME

THESE THINGS.

THE POINT S I THINK THE

WHITE HOUSE IS GOING TO

START R

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