Indecision 2012 - Endless Suffrage 2012 - Last Bland Standing

  • Aired:  04/04/12
  •  | Views: 70,956

After losing another round of primaries, Rick Santorum sells himself short by comparing himself to Ronald Reagan. (6:45)

( THEME SONG PLAYING )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW"!

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

BIG ONE TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST JACK GOLDSMITH, THE AUTHOR OF A NEW BOOK ON THE LIMITS OF PRESIDENTIAL POWER.

I'M SORRY, THAT MUST BE A TYPOMENT I THOUGHT THAT SAID "LIMITS." (LAUGHS)

LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT WITH LAST NIGHT'S TRIO OF PRIMARY NIGHTS

FOR... VICTORIES, MITT ROMNEY.

HE BEAT SANTORUM IN WISCONSIN,

HE BEAT RICK SANTORUM IN WASHINGTON, D.C., BEAT HIM 70%

TO "WASN'T EVEN ON THE BALLOT." (LAUGHTER) IT WAS WITHOUT QUESTION ONE OF

THE BEST PRIMARY SHOWINGS FOR RICK SANTORUM YET.

OR TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY...

>> EVERYBODY KNOWS HE'S GOING TO BE THE NOMINEE.

>> GAME OVER.

>> RICK SANTORUM IS DONE.

>> YOU LOSE!

GOOD DAY SIR!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: HOW OVER IS THIS RACE?

CANDIDATE NEWT GINGRICH DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER GIVING A SPEECH LAST NIGHT.

FOX TOOK TIME OUT TO COVER THE RAZZIES AND CNN ACTUALLY LET THE SACRED MAGIC SCREEN DUTY BE

HANDLED BY JOHN KING'S UNDERSTUDY.

>> LET'S BRING IN CNN'S TOM FOREMAN.

TOM, I GUESS THEY'RE LETTING YOU PLAY AT THE MAGIC WALL TONIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

DURING TONIGHT'S PERFORMANCE THE ROLE OF MAGIC SCREEN FINGER BANGER WILL BE PLAYED BY TOM FOREMAN.

YOU KNOW HOW LONG FOREMAN HAS BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT?

(LAUGHTER) EVERY PRIMARY NIGHT FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS HE'S BEEN SITTING IN

HIS DRESSING ROOM STAYING READY.

ZOOM OUT, ZOOM IN.

ZOOM OUT, ZOOM IN.

IS JOHN KING HERE YET?

HOW'S HE FEELING?

DID HE COME IN?

OH, HE CAME IN.

I'LL CALL MY FOLKS AND TELL THEM NOT TO WATCH.

THE POINT IS EVERYBODY KNOW IT IS PRIMARY IS OVER.

>> WE HAVE NOW REACHED THE POINT WHERE IT'S HALF TIME.

>> Jon: ALMOST EVERYBODY.

(LAUGHTER) EVERYBODY BUT SANTORUM.

THIS IS GOING TO GET UGLY.

>> HALF THE DELEGATES IN THE THIS PROCESS HAVE BEEN SELECTED

AND WHO'S READY TO CHARGE OUT OF THE LOCKER ROOM IN PENNSYLVANIA FOR A STRONG SECOND HALF?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: GAME'S OVER, KID.

IT'S OVER.

YOU'RE DONE.

THIS IS THIS ISN'T THE SCENE IN THE SPORT DRAS MA WHERE THE COACH GIVES THE INSPIRING SPEECH

AND THE TEAM COMES BACK TO WIN THE PLAYOFF.

THIS IS THE SCENE WITH HILARY SWANK HITS HER HEAD ON A STOOL AND NEVER BOXES AGAIN.

(AUDIENCE REACTS) (LAUGHTER) YOU PREFERRED THE QUILLLY WONKA (BLEEP), HUH,?

IS THAT WHAT IT IS?

PERHAPS SANTORUM IS DRAWING INSPIRATION FROM THE STIRRING TALE OF ANOTHER MAN WHO DIDN'T

QUIT WHEN THINGS LOOKED HOPE

>> HE LOST ALMOST EVERY EARLY PRIMARY.

ONLY WON ONE UNTIL MAY.

THEY SAID "GET OUT OF THE RACE,

WE NEED A MODERATE." IN 1976 RONALD REAGAN DIDN'T GET OUT OF THE RACE.

HE TOOK THAT RACE THE ENTIRE WAY TO THE CONVENTION.

AND HE FELL SHORT, AND IN THE FALL REPUBLICANS FELL SHORT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING IS I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT THIS ANECDOTE THROUGH.

(LAUGHTER) BECAUSE NOW THAT I'M AT THE END OF IT I REALIZE THAT MY POINT

HERE IS TO BE IF I STAY IN THIS THING LONG ENOUGH I'LL LOSE.

BUT AT LEAST I WILL ALSO DIVIDE MY PARTY.

(LAUGHTER) SANTORUM 2012 IS WHAT I'M... OH,

WAIT.

ARE YOU PLAYING THE LONG GAME HERE, SANTORUM?

>> THEN FOUR YEARS LATER THEY FOUGHT HIM AGAIN.

WE NEED ANOTHER MODERATE.

WE HAVE TO DEFEAT THIS DEMOCRATIC INCUMBENT AND THIS TIME A THE REPUBLICAN ESTABLISHMENT LOST.

>> I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS.

SANTORUM 2016, THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GOING!

I THINK THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

>> LET'S NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF 1976 AGAIN.

LET'S BYPASS THAT ERROR AND MOVE STRAIGHT TO 1980.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SO SANTORUM 1980!

NO!

REAGAN 2012.

NO (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER) I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHO TO VOTE FOR NOW.

I'M INSPIRED AND CONFUSED.

COMPARING YOURSELF TO REAGAN AREN'T YOU SELLING YOURSELF A LITTLE SNORT

>> GENERAL WASHINGTON UNDERSTOOD.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: AND YOUR SITUATION AND GEORGE WASHINGTON'S IS ANALOGOUS HOW?

>> GENERAL WASHINGTON UNDERSTOOD: SOME OF THE BEST IDEAS AND SOME OF THE BEST PLANS.

IN FACT, WHAT HAS MADE THIS COUNTRY GREAT IS THAT WE HAVE LISTENED TO REAL SIGNIFICANT

VOICES OF EVERYDAY AMERICANS AND HE DID, THAT'S WHY HE CROSSED THE DELAWARE, SURPRISED THE

HESSIANS AND TURNED THE TIDE OF THE REVOLUTION.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, SENATOR SANTORUM YOUR CAMPAIGN IS ON A

BOAT BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S WASHINGTON'S BOAT, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) HERE'S THE THING, RICK, WHILE YOU'RE THROWING AROUND

COMPARISON TO GEORGE WASHINGTON,

HERE'S THE OTHER ANALOGY PEOPLE ARE THROWING AT YOU.

>> IF I WERE MITT ROMNEY I WOULD PUT UP MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF ADS IN PENNSYLVANIA TODAY AND

LET HIM KNOW IF YOU SAY IN THIS RACE YOU MAKE ME SWEAT THIS OUT AND YOU STOP ME FROM FOCUSING ON

BARACK OBAMA.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO?

I'M GOING TO REDUCE YOU TO RUBBLE IN YOUR HOME STATE AND THEN JUST LIKE ROME I'M GOING TO

GO TO CARTHAGE AND I'M GOING SALT THE EARTH TO MAKE SURE NOTHING EVER GROWS BACK THERE AGAIN.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Jon: DO NOT ANGER JOE SCARBOROUGH.

(LAUGHTER) OR HE WILL, LIKE GENERAL SHERMAN MARCH THROUGH YOUR HOMETOWN AND

BURN THE (BLEEP)ING PLACE TO THE GROUND.

(LAUGHTER) ROMNEY WILL CRUSH HIS ENEMIES,

SEE THEM DELIVERED BEFORE HIM AND HERE THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR WOMEN.

BY THE WAY, THE PHRASE "SALTING THE EARTH" REFERS TO AN ANCIENT

PRACTICE OF CONQUERING ARMIES SABOTAGING FARMLAND TO PREVENT IT FROM GROWING CROPS.

THAT FACT BROUGHT TO YOU BY SALT.

(LAUGHTER) TURN YOUR FRENCH FRIES INTO

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