Tower Record

  • Aired:  11/13/13
  •  | Views: 429,317

One World Trade Center is named the tallest building in the United States, igniting a rivalry between New York and Chicago. (6:56)

>> Jon: I HAVE VERY GOODNEWS.

AS OF TODAY NEW YORK'S NEWMAYOR ISN'T THE ONLY THING

ABOUT NEW YORK CITY THAT ISFREAKISHLY TALL.

>> IT'S OFFICIAL NOW.

THE NEW WORLD TRADE CENTERBUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY IS

NOW THE TALLEST SKYSCRAPERIN THE COUNTRY.

NOW THE TALLEST SKYSCRAPERIN THE COUNTRY.

>> Jon: WHOOO!

WHEN WE DO IT, WE DO IT BIGIN CELEBRATION.

OF COURSE, WITH THE-- BUTSTILL TALLEST BUILDING IN

AMERICA.

AND WE WEREN'T ALWAYS SUREIT WOULD HAPPEN.

>> AN INTERNATIONAL PANEL OFARCHITECTS RULED THAT THE

NEEDLE ATOP ONE WORLD TRADECENTER IS A SPIRE, NOT JUST

AN ANTENNA AND IS THUS APERMANENT PART OF THE

BUILDING.

>> IT'S THE SPIRE ON TOPTHAT MAKES IT THE TALLEST

BUILDING IN THE UNITEDSTATES.

>> Jon: OH YEAH!

(LAUGHTER)SPIRE ON TOP.

OF COURSE OBVIOUSLY THE ONLYCONCERN WITH HAVING A SPIRE

LIKE THAT ON TOP OF A NEWYORK SKYSCRAPER IS KEEPING

STRIPPER KING KONG OFF OFIT.

(LAUGHTER)PUTTING HIMSELF THROUGH

GIANT APE COLLEGE.

NOW I SUPPOSE THAT BECAUSEWE'RE NOW NUMBER ONE,

UNFORTUNATELY,SOMEBODY ELSE HAS TO BE

NUMBER TWO.

>> IT TOPPED CHICAGO'S WILLISTOWER WHICH HELD THE TITLE

FOR FOUR DECADES.

>> I THINK THIS IS LESSABOUT THE COMPETITION OF THE

CITIES THIS TIME BECAUSE OFTHE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS

BUILDING.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, POPI, ICOULDN'T AGREE MORE.

THE WORLD TRADE CENTERBRINGS ALL AMERICANS

TOGETHER.

WHAT KIND OF AN [BLEEP]WOULD SEE THIS AS A

COMPETITION.

>> TO ALL THE EXPERTS AREGATHERED IN ONE ROOM.

IF IT LOOKS LIKE AN ANTENNA,ACTS LIKE AN ANTENNA, THEN

GUESS WHAT IT IS AN ANTENNA.

>> TODAY ON THIS WONDERFUL SUNNYDAY IN CHICAGO YOU ARE

STANDING IN THE TALLESTOCCUPIED SPOT IN A BUILDING

THAT YOU CAN STAND IN NORTHAMERICA.

AND THAT WILL CONTINUE TO BETHE CASE REGARDLESS OF THE

DECISION MADE BY THECOUNCIL.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: WHAT YOU TALKING

ABOUT-- WILLIS TOWER.

WHAT YOU-- (APPLAUSE)

FINE, FINE!

WE'LL TAKE TALLEST BUILDINGIN THE UNITED STATES AND YOU

CAN HAVE TALLEST OCCUPIEDSPOT IN A BUILDING YOU CAN

STAND IN NORTH AMERICA.

(LAUGHTER)YOU KNOW WHAT, CHICAGO, WHAT

ARE YOU SO MAD ABOUT.

WE ALREADY GAVE YOU GUYSMURDER CAPITOL OF THE UNITED

STATES.

YOU REALLY THINK WE CAN'T KILL

MORE PEOPLE THAN YOU?

(LAUGHTER)PLEASE.

WE LET YOU WIN.

COME ON.

LET'S NOT DO THIS.

THEY'RE BOTH GREAT BUILDINGS,BOTH GREAT CITIES, I LOVE

CHICAGO, YOU KNOW WHAT, LET'S HAVE A

TOAST.

A LITTLE TOAST TO NEW YORKAND CHICAGO.

WE'LL HAVE-- OH, A LITTLEGER TRUDE BERTRAM-- DID WE

REALLY-- IS THIS REAL?

OH.

I THINK IT WOULD BE GINGERALE BUT IT'S NOT.

A TOAST TO PEACE BETWEEN NEWYORK AND CHICAGO.

>> WHILE NEW YORK CITY WONTODAY, IT'S NO CONTEST WHICH

CITY TAKES THE CAKE WHEN ITCOMES TO, WELL, JUST ABOUT

EVERYTHING ELSE.

>> DEEP DISH PIZZA IS QUITEGOOD

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: OKAY.

I WAS GONNA BE NICE.

BUT NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR.

LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING.

DEEP DISH PIZZA IS NOT ONLYNOT BETTER THAN NEW YORK

PIZZA, IT'S NOT PIZZA.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: IT'S A [BLEEP]

CASSEROLE.

(LAUGHTER)I'M SURPRISED YOU HAVEN'T

THOUGHT TO COMPLETE YOURDEEP DISH PIZZA BY PUTTING

SOME CANNED ONION RINGS ONTOP OF IT.

IT'S A CORN BREAD BISQUITWHICH YOU

MELTED CHEESE ON AND THEN INDEFIANCE OF GOD AND MAN AND

ALL THINGS HOLY YOU POUREDUNCOOKED

MARINARA SAUCE ATOP THECHEESE, ATOP, THE CHEESE, ON

TOP, THE SAUCE, NAKED, ONDISPLAY LIKE SOME SORT OF

SAUCE WHORE.

YOU KNOW THE EXPRESSIONTHERE IS NO SUCH THING AS

BAD SEX OR BAD PIZZA.

YOUR PIZZA IS LIKE SEX WITHA CORPSE MADE OF SAND PAPER.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHINGTHIS IS NOT PIZZA!

THIS IS TOMATO SOUP IN ABREAD BOWL.

THIS IS AN ABOVEGROUNDMARINARA SWIMMING POOL FOR A

RAT.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHINGABOUT YOUR [BLEEP] NOT

PIZZA!

I WANT TO KNOW WHEN I GETDRUNK AND PASS OUT ON MY

PIZZA THAT I AM NOT GOING TODROWN.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING-- ILOOK AT THIS --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: I LOOK AT THIS, YOU

SON OF A BITCH, I LOOK ATTHIS -- -- ALL RIGHT, WHEN I

LOOK AT YOUR DEEP DISH PIZZA,I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO EAT

IT OR THROW A COIN IN IT ANDMAKE A WISH.

AND IF I MADE A WISH ITWOULD BE THAT I WISH FOR

SOME REAL [BLEEP] PIZZA!

NOW, NOW!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WITH ALL DUE RESPECT I

REALIZE IT'S VERY COLD INCHICAGO, VERY COLD.

IT'S WINDY, YOU NEED TO BEABLE TO I DON'T KNOW, HAVE A

PIZZA AND MAYBE CUT IT OPENAND CLIMB INSIDE IT TO KEEP

WARM.

SERIOUSLY, WHO ARE YOUKIDDING?

WHO USES AN IRON SKILLET TOMAKE A PIZZA?

YOU DON'T USE AN IRON SKILLETTO MAKE A PIZZA.

YOU USE IT TO FEND OFFSOMEONE WHO TRIES TO SERVE

YOU A [BLEEP] PIZZA MADEWITH AN IRON SKILLET.

HERE'S HOW I KNOW I'M RIGHT.

YOU CALL IT CHICAGO STYLEPIZZA.

YOU CALL IT DEEP DISH PIZZA,STUFFED PIZZA.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE CALL IT,UH?

YOU KNOW WHAT WE CALL THIS?

YOU KNOW WHAT WE CALL THIS?

PIZZA!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)OH, THAT'S NICE.

AND BY THE WAY, YOU DON'TPUT TOMATO AND CELERY ON HOT

DOGS EITHER.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THERE ARETHREE ACCEPTABLE CONDIMENTS,

ONIONS, MUSTARD AND STAGNANTCART WATER.

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