Watchman

  • Aired:  01/20/14
  •  | Views: 194,191

President Obama puts the N.S.A. controversy in context by pointing out other historical instances of American spycraft. (4:26)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A GOOD ONE TONIGHT.

AUTHOR MARILYNNE ROACH.

SHE HAS A NEW BOOK ON THE SALEMWITCH TRIALS AND HER SEARCH

FOR THE REAL KILLER.

[LAUGHTER]BEFORE WE

GET STARTED,IF YOUR SCHOOL IS CURRENTLY

LOOKING FOR A CHEMISTRY TEACHER,I WANT TO YOU TO CALL US.

[LAUGHTER]I GOT A GUY HERE.

BOSTON UNIVERSITY.

HE SEEMS SMART -- COULD HAVESHAVED.

[LAUGHTER]CHEMISTRY MAJOR LOOKING FOR A

JOB TEACHING CHEMISTRY.

I'M LIKE HOW CAN YOU NOT GET AJOB TEACHING CHEMISTRY.

IF YOU NEED A CHEMISTRY TEACHERCONTACT US AND I WILL FINALLY

GET THIS (bleep) KID OUT OFHIS PARENTS' HOUSE.

THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

LEAVE YOUR NAME.

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]YES, HEALING AMERICA!

[LAUGHTER]NOTHING, HUH?

OF COURSE, EVEN NOW IN THISCOUNTRY WHILE WE'VE MOSTLY RULED

OUT BURNING PEOPLE LIKE WITCHESWE STILL DEBATE WHAT TO DO

WITH OUR MOST SUSPICIOUSCITIZENS.

THANKS SO OLD GOODY SNOWDENHERE. EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST 8

MONTHSWE'VE LEARNED SOMETHING NEW

ABOUT THE AMERICANSURVEILLANCE STATE AND THE NSA.

THEY SAID THEY WEREN'T SPYING ONAMERICANS.

[ LAUGHTER ]THEY SAID THEY WEREN'T ABUSING

THEIR POWER.

[LAUGHTER]THEY SAID THEY WEREN'T CUTTING

HOLES IN THE GIRLS SHOWER HOUSETO SEE BOOBIES BUT WE KNOW THE

TRUTH.

[ LAUGHTER ]WELL LAST FRIDAY IT WAS FINALLY

TIME FOR PRESIDENT OBAMA TOADDRESS THE ISSUES AT THE NSA

WITH A VERY DIFFICULT NEEDLE TOTHREAD.

HOW TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEAMERICAN PEOPLE'S CONCERNS ABOUT

PRIVACY WHILE NOT UPSETTINGPEOPLE WHO APPARENTLY KNOW

EVERYTHING ABOUT US.

HOW TO MAKE SUBSTANTIAL POLICYCHANGES WHILE ALSO NOT REALLY

DOING THAT.

HOW WOULD HE ACCOMPLISH THISDELICATE DANCE?

>> AT THE DAWN OF OURREPUBLIC --

>> Jon: OH, GOD.

[LAUGHTER]ALL RIGHT.

GONNA BE ONE OF THESE.

LET'S DO IT.

>> AT THE DAWN OF OUR REPUBLIC,A SMALL SECRET SURVEILLANCE

COMMITTEE BORN OUT OF THE SONSOF LIBERTY WAS ESTABLISHED IN

BOSTON.

IN THE CIVIL WAR UNION BALLOONS,RECONNAISSANCE TRACKED THE SIZE

OF CONFEDERATE ARMIES.

IN WORLD WAR II CODE BREAKERSGAVE US INSIGHTS INTO JAPANESE

WAR PLANS. IN THE COLD WAR,PRESIDENT TRUMAN CREATED THE

NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY OR NSA.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: I LIKE IT.

I LIKE IT WHEN YOU TICKLE.

I LIKE IT WHEN YOU TICKLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]I WASN'T SLEEPING THROUGH THE

PRESIDENT'S NEW A&E SPECIAL, THEHISTORY OF SURVEILLANCE.

I WAS JUST SITTING HERE.

[LAUGHTER]WELL, IT'S A GREAT STRATEGY.

OBAMA HAS A RELATIVELYIMPOSSIBLE TASK SO HE THOUGHT

RATHER THAN ATTEMPT IT WHY NOTTALK SO LONG AND BORINGLY THAT

PEOPLE STOP LISTENING.

IT'S THE OLD HOPE A DOPE.

THOUGH HE DID GET TO HIS POINT.

THE DANGER IS REAL.

>> WE CANNOT UNILATERALLY DISARMOUR INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES

THERE'S A REASON WHYBLACKBERRIES AND iPHONES ARE

NOT ALLOWED IN THE WHITE HOUSESITUATION ROOM.

>> Jon: I KNOW IT'S BIDEN,ISN'T IT?

[LAUGHTER]WON'T STOP INTERRUPTING

EVERYBODY WITH HIS SNAPCHATTING.

[ LAUGHTER ]HE'S GOT THE --

[LAUGHTER][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S NICE.

I HAVE FOUND THE LEVEL OF THEAUDIENCE.

[ LAUGHTER ]DID NOTHING.

GOT ALL THESE CLEVER LITTLETHINS WORKED OUT.

YOU HAVE TO DRAW A COUPLE DICKSON A PICTURE.

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