Murder, So Rote

  • Aired:  06/02/14
  •  | Views: 265,705

As news of another mass shooting rocks the country, The Best F#@king News Team Ever advises the media on how best to report on these ongoing tragedies. (5:23)

EGYPT'S CONTINUING SLIDE

INTO DICTATORSHIP ISN'T ALL THATHAPPENED WHILE WE WERE ON BREAK.

WHAT ELSE HAPPENED?HEAD OF THE V.A. RESIGNED THERE.

WE GOT THE TRUE LOVE CONQUEREDALL.

OH, THERE WAS ANOTHER MASSSHOOTING.

IT SEEMS LIKE THAT HAPPENS EVERYTIME WE'RE OFF FOR A WEEK OR

WHEN WE'RE WORKING FOR A WEEK.

ACTUALLY IT PRETTY MUCH HAPPENSEVERY [BEEP] WEEK.

EVEN GOOGLE STREET VIEWSCHANGED THEIR FORMAT TO FIRST

PERSON SHOOTER.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A TRAGIC STORYBUT AMERICA'S RESPONSE TO THIS

NEW TRAGEDY HAS GIVEN ME HOPE.REMEMBER AFTER COLUMBINE,

VIRGINIA TECH, AURORA AND ALLTHE OTHER ONES INTO NEWTOWN

HOW WE FELL INTO CONFUSIONAND DESPAIR?

>> WHY THIS HAPPENED WILL TAKETIME TO SORT OUT.

>> THE BIG QUESTION OF COURSETODAY IS WHY.

>> SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS.

THAT'S WHAT WE'VE ALL BEENDOING, TRYING TO UNDERSTAND HOW

THIS HAPPENED ANDWHY IT HAPPENED.

>> WHAT CAUSES THIS KINDOF A SHOOTING?

HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?

HOW CAN IT BE STOPPED?

>> WE THOUGHT THEY COULD BESTOPPED.

OH, ANDERSON, WERE WEEVER SO YOUNG AND INNOCENT.

>> AND YET STILL COMPLETELY[BEEP] GRAY?

WE DESPERATELY LOOKED FOREXPLANATIONS.

>> SOME PEOPLE IN CONGRESSBLAMING VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES.

WE HAVE SYSTEMATICALLY REMOVEDGOD FROM OUR SCHOOLS.

>> HE WAS SO AWKWARD, SO GAWKY,SO OUT OF PLACE AND ANTI-SOCIAL.

>> ALSO BEING TOLD HIS PARENTSWERE DIVORCED.

>> DIVORCED!

THAT'S WHY 50% OF MARRIAGES ENDIN MASS SHOOTINGS.

THEN EVENTUALLY DURING THE WHOLEPROCESS SOMEONE WOULD GET THE

IDEA THAT WE SHOULD DO SOMETHINGABOUT IT.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA PLANS TOINTRODUCE LEGISLATION NEXT WEEK

CALLING FOR THE BIGGEST CHANGESTO GUN LAW THIS IS COUNTRY HAS

SEEN IN TWO DECADES.

>> NOW OBVIOUSLY NONE OF THATWENT ANYWHERE.

BUT IT WAS A NICE SENTIMENT.LIKE OFFERING TO HELP A FRIEND

MOVE WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR FRIENDIS NEVER GONNA TAKE YOU UP ON

IT BECAUSE HE'S GOT A WEIRDALMOST PSYCHOTIC THOUGHT THAT

THAT IF ONLY THE JEWS HAD HADAPARTMENTS AND HITLER

DIDN'T TAKE THEIR APARTMENTS THEHOLOCAUST MAY NEVER OF HAPPENED.

BUT, SOMETHING AMAZING HASHAPPENED, A BREAK THROUGH

IF YOU WILL, IN THE WAY THAT WEDEAL WITH THE

MASS SHOOTINGS WE HAVEIN THIS COUNTRY.

OUR GRIEF HAS MOVED AS DR.KUBLER ROSS SAID IT WOULD,

FROM DENIAL TO ANGER TOBARGAINING, TO DEPRESSION,

TO OUR MOST RESOLVED EMOTIONALSTATE, I GIVE YOU, ACCEPTANCE.

>> GUN LEGISLATION IN THECURRENT POLITICAL CLIMATE IS

JUST VERY UNLIKELY.

>> THE GUN DEBATE HAS BECOMETOXIFIED.

>> IF THEY CAN'T KILL WITH A GUNTHEY WILL KILL WITH A KNIFE.

>> THIS IS A ONGOINGCONVERSATION AND IT'S

ONE THAT IS NEVER GOINGTO BE RESOLVED.

>> NO MATTER WHAT SOCIETYDOES THERE WILL ALWAYS BE MASS

MURDER.

ALWAYS.

>> WORST LOVE IS FIGURINE EVER.

>> YOU SEE, PEOPLE, ACCEPTANCE.THAT'S WHAT WE WERE TRYING TO

GET ALL ALONG. IT'S LIKE AMERICAHAS A DOG THAT'S ALWAYS [BEEP]

IN THE HOUSE. AND WE SOLVED THEPROBLEM BY GETTING A BROWN RUG.

WHAT ABOUT THE REAL VICTIMS?THE NEWS NETWORKS WHO ARE STILL

GOING TO HAVE TO WASTE VALUABLETIME GOING THROUGH THE

MOTIONS OF COVERING THESEINEVITABLE, CLEARLY UNSTOPPABLE,

EVERY DAY, ORDINARY SOULDESTROYING SLAUGHTERS.

SO FOR THEM WE PRESENT ACOMPREHNSIVE REUSABLE

ONE SIZE FITS ALL MASSSHOOTING COVERAGE GO KIT

TO GET EVERYBODY BACK TO APATHYAS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

>> ANOTHER MASS SHOOTING THISAFTERNOON.

THIS IS A SHOCKING HORRIFYINGSTORY.

THE CAUSE NO ONE CAN SAY FORSURE.

POSSIBLY MEDIA VIOLENCE ORDUBSTEP OR GLUTEN.

BUT DEFINITELY SOMETHING THAT ISNOT GUNS.

>> OF COURSE THERE IS NOTHING WECAN DO TO STOP THIS FROM

HAPPENING.

EVEN THOUGH PRETTY MUCH EVERYOTHER DEVELOPED COUNTRY HAS SOME

HOW STOPPED THIS FROM HAPPENING.

>> AND SINCE WE CAN'T ALWAYSSTOP THIS FROM HAPPENING,

WHY EVER IS TRY TO STOP IT FROMHAPPENING?

SO, WE'RE GOOD.

OKAY.

LET'S GET BACK TO THE NEWS.

♪ HAPPY.

>> I KNOW REPUBLICANS HAVE APLAN B FOR OBAMA CARE.

>> THREE MONTHS LATER ARE WECLOSER TO SOLVING THE MYSTERY

OF THE MISSING PLANE?

>> A TIE AT THE SPELLING BEE.BOTH ARE WINNERS.

>> JUSTIN BEIBER APOLOGIZINGTHIS MORNING FOR RACIAL COMMENTS

HE MADE FIVE YEARS AGO.

>> WHEN IT COMES TO DATING WHOSHOULD PAY THE GIRL OR THE GUY?

>> THAT'S A CAT, JOE THE CATPLAYING JENGA. OH MOE, IT'S MOE

THE CAT, SORRY. >> DONALD STERLING MAKING A

PUBLIC APPEARANCE AT APREDOMINANTLY BLACK CHURCH.

>> YES, A BEAR WAS NAPPING INHIS HAMMOCK.

>> SERENA WILLIAMS NOT ONLY ATENNIS STAR, WELL SHE'S ALSO A

WEDDING CRASHER.>> HILLARY CLINTON FACING NEW

BENGHAZI BACKLASH TODAY. >> WHY CRITTERS ARE ATTACKING

>> THE MOST EXPENSIVE DRINK EVERSOLD AT STARBUCKS.

>> WANNA DO THIS? THIS IS THEULTIMATE SELFIE.

>> THE FIFTH ANNUAL MOSTINCREDIBLE SURF DOG COMPETITION.

>> ISN'T THAT EASIER.

PROBLEM SOLVED.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

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