Indecision 2012 - The Long, Winding, Bumpy-Ass Road to the White House - Walk of Shame

  • Aired:  02/29/12
  •  | Views: 104,345

Michigan's late GOP primary results leave the 24-hour news networks with quite a bit of time to kill. (6:21)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW" .N MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, MASHA GESSEN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT IS A CLUED IN AUDIENCE, MY

FRIENDS.

(LAUGHTER)

SHE'S THE AUTHOR OF A NEW BOOK

ABOUT VLADIMIR PUTIN AND, YOU

KNOW, SOME SEXY PICTURES IN

THERE.

I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO ENJOY

THE BOOK.

LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT WITH THE

LONG WINDING BUMPY ASS ROAD TO

THE WHITE HOUSE.

YESTERDAY ANOTHER PRIMARY NIGHT.

SO AT 9:00 P.M. THE POLLS CLOSED

AND I TUNED IN FOR THE LATEST

RESULTS.

>> POLLS CLOSING.

SEVEN SECONDS AND WE CAN MAKE A

CALL IN THREE SECONDS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: CHIH SECONDS?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THREE SECOND?

WHO'S GOT THAT TIME!

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WAIT.

TWITTER ALREADY TOLD ME WHO WON

THE 2016 ELECTION.

(LAUGHTER)

CONGRATULATIONS, GATT TKPWA.

(LAUGHTER)

GAGA.

I'M KIDDING.

TELL US THE RESULTS.

>> WE AT FOX NEWS CAN PROJECT

THAT MITT ROMNEY WILL EASILY WIN

ARIZONA.

>> Jon: YES, ROMNEY WINS

ARIZONA BY 9:00!

FINALLY A PRIMARY NIGHT THAT

ENDS EARLY.

GOING TO BED WITHOUT HAVING TO

WAIT UP AND THINK ABOUT ALL

THE...

>> IN MICHIGAN, ROMNEY'S NATIVE

STATE, HE HOLDS A SLIGHT LEAD

OVER SANTORUM BUT IT'S TOO EARLY

TO PROJECT.

>> Jon: MICHIGAN!

(LAUGHTER)

OH, I'M MICHIGAN!

(LAUGHTER)

I'M SLOW IN MY PRIMARY RESULTS!

I'M YOUR UPPER PENINSULA.

(LAUGHTER)

I GOT MY RESULTS IN EARLY.

YOU'RE NOT DENSELY POPULATED!

WELL YOU'RE NOT DENSELY...

(LAUGHTER).

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: FOR YOU KIDS AT HOME

THAT DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT JUST

HAPPENED, MY HAND JUST

(BLEEP)ED.

(LAUGHTER)

YES, AS IT TURNED OUT, MICHIGAN

WAS NOT CALLED UNTIL WELL AFTER

10:30 P.M. WHICH MEANT THE

24-HOUR NETWORKS HAD SOME TIME

ON THEIR HANDS.

OF COURSE, BEING SERIOUS NEWS

NETWORKS AND REALIZING IN THE

GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS A NEAR

TIE IN A STATE PRIMARY THAT

ASSIGNS DELEGATES

PROPORTIONATELY ISN'T ALL THAT

IMPORTANT, THEY FILLED THAT TIME

WITH IN-DEPTH REPORTS ON SYRIA

AND THE GEOPOLITICAL

RAMIFICATIONS OF THE

INCIPIENT... I'M (BLEEP)ING

WITH

YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

THEY JUST KILLED TIME.

>> WE GOT SOME VOTES COMING IN

FROM MICHIGAN RIGHT NOW.

VERY, VERY EARLY THE PROCESS,

ONLY 1% OF THE VOTE NOW IN.

BUT IT'S JUST CHANGED!

>> IN MICHIGAN... I KNOW MEGAN

DOESN'T LIKE TO CALL IT HIS HOME

STATE BUT THE MAN WAS BORN

THERE.

>> NATIVE STATE.

>> SOMETHING WE HAVE FIRST ON

CNN RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT A SCREEN...

>> I WAS BORN IN ILLINOIS, THAT

IS MY NATIVE STATE.

BUT IT'S NOT MY HOME STATE.

THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

>> ALL THE INFORMATION IS COMING

THROUGH THOSE PARTICULAR LINES

ERE THOSE RED BULBS ARE.LINESWH

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> WE'VE JUMPED THE SHARK.

IT'S OFFICIAL.

>> 18,397 FOR ROMNEY BUT, LOOK

IT JUST CHANGED!

(LAUGHTER)

>> OH, MY GOD, IT JUST CHANGED!

THE ELECTION BOARD!

BLITZER, DO YOU HAVE NO

SHORT-TERM MEMORY?

YOU JUST TOLD US THE VOTES ARE

GOING TO BE CHANGING ALL NIGHT

AND THEN YOU TURNED AROUND AND

WET "OH!

IT CHANGED!" LAST TIME I SAW

SOMEONE THIS EXCITED ABOUT

NUMBERS CHANGING IS A VAMPIRE

MADE OUT OF FELT.

AT LEAST SOME CNN ANCHORS CHOSE

TO KILL TIME THE OLD-FASHIONED

WAY-- A LEISURELY STROLL TO THE

CUBE.

>> LET'S GO OVER TO THE CUBE TO

OUR POLITICAL DIRECTOR MARK AND

CHECK IN WITH HIM, GET A SENSE

OF WHEN WE MAY BE ABLE TO

PROJECT AN ACTUAL WINNER IN THE

STATE OF MICHIGAN NOW THAT

OBVIOUSLY THE POLLS HAVE CLOSED

AND WE'VE GOT SON MANY VOTES IN.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: SO CNN'S CUBE, OR NERD

TERRARIUM, IF YOU WILL, IS POP

YOU LATED WITH INDIVIDUALS ON

HEADSETS, YET TO GET INFORMATION

FROM THEM YOU MUST PACK SOME

GORP AND HIKE THE CANYON.

(LAUGHTER)

I THINK COOP'S THE ONLY GUY OVER

THERE FIT ENOUGH TO MAKE THE

JOURNEY.

I ASSUME THE TREK WAS WORTH

ANDERSON'S WHILE.

>> WHAT ARE YOU HEARING?

>> WE GOT SOME BREAKING NEWS OUT

OF MICHIGAN RIGHT NOW, ANDER

SON.

WE DON'T KNOW WHO'S GOING TO WIN

MICHIGAN AND A BULK OF THE

DELEGATES.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: YOU BETTER BE GOING

SOMEWHERE WITH THIS, POINDEXTER.

>> WE CAN NOW BASED UPON OUR

CALCULATIONS FROM WHAT OUR

DECISION TEAM HAS FOUND OUT IS

AWARD THREE DELEGATES NOT ONLY

TO MITT ROMNEY BUT ALSO TO RICK

SANTORUM.

>> SO THEY EACH GET THREE AT

THIS POINT.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: COOPER ADDED "DON'T

EVER (BLEEP)ING CALL KNOW THE

CUBE AGAIN, UNDERSTAND ME?"

NEVER.

SO NOTHING'S CHANGED.

BUT HERE COMES MY FAVORITE PART.

>> I WANT TO CHECK IN ALSO WITH

OUR CONTRIBUTORS, OUR ANALYSTS

ABOUT THE DELEGATE COUNT.

>> Jon: ANDERSON COOPER NOW

HAS TO DO THE POST-CUBE NO

INFORMATION WALK OF SHAME BACK

TO THE BASE CAMP!

WHAT WAS CNN THINKING WITH THAT

ONE?

(LAUGHTER)

TO FIND OUT, LET'S CHECK IN WITH

THE BEST (BLEEP)ING NEWS BOX ON

TELEVISION.

WHAT WE DID IS WE HAD... NO, WE

HAD OUR ENGINEERS PUT TOGETHER

WHAT WE CALL A CONVEX

POLYHEDRON.

THEY PUT TOGETHER, SOME OF THE

ANALYTICS ARE THERE WHERE PEOPLE

GO AND THEN THEY WALK IT DOWN...

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

AS THEY GO THROUGH TO GET... AND

THEN WE GO... OVER HERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND I'M IN A BOX.

OKAY.

THIS WAY.

AND THEN WE COME DOWN IN.

OKAY.

WE'RE AT THE NEWS CENTER RIGHT

NOW.

(LAUGHTER)

DO YOU GUYS... OBVIOUSLY A LOT

OF DATA IS COMING THROUGH.

DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY INFORMATION

FOR ME THAT MIGHT CLARIFY THESE

ELECTION RESULTS IN MICHIGAN

LAST NIGHT THIS BIG PRIMARY?

>> NO.

>> NO WE HAVE NOTHING.

>> I HAVE NOTHING.

NO.

>> Jon: THANKS, GUYS,

APPRECIATE IT.

WE'LL CHECK IN OUR POLYHEDRON A

LITTLE LATER.

REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.

THANKS, GUYS.

REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

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