Hard News - Inside Correspondent Training Camp

  • Aired:  08/16/12
  •  | Views: 116,559

The Best F#@king News Team Ever prepares for Tampa's Republican National Convention by grilling innocent rubes at a New Jersey model train convention. (5:03)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WELCOME BACK.

THIS IS OUR LAST PROGRAM BEFORE WE TAKE THE SHOWS TO THE CONVENTIONS THAT ARE

COMING UP IN TAMPA AND CHARLOTTE.

WE WON'T BE ON THE AIR NEXT WEEK.

PLEASE KNOW THIS, OUR TRAINING, OUR PREPARATION WILL CONTINUE.

>> WITH 1 WEEK TO GO UNTIL CONVENTION SEASON CORRESPONDENT TRAINING CAMP IS IN FULL SWING.

>> WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT TAMPA.

>> IT'S HORRIBLE.

>> EVERYONE KNOWS THAT, WHAT ELSE.

>> PAUL.

>> IT'S REALLY HOT.

>> CLIMATE TRAINING MAY PREPARE THE BODY BUT A CORRESPONDENT'S MIND MUST

ALSO BE SHARP AND THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE THAT IS A FULL CONTACT SCRIMMAGE.

>> TODAY WE'RE GOING TO BE ESTIMATE 4R5I9ING CONDITIONS RIGHT OUTSIDE THAT DOOR ARE

THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT-- SO GET YOUR [BLEEP] GAME FACES ON AND GET IN THERE AND

[BLEEP] THERE [BLEEP].

>> UNFORTUNATELY THERE WAS ONLY ONE CONVENTION BEING HELD IN THE ENTIRE TRISTATE AREA.

>> AFTER FOUR YEARS OFF THE VETERANS WERE ALREADY IN MID SEASON FORM.

>> IS OBAMACARE GOING AFFECT THE MODEL TRAIN INDUSTRY.

>> OF COURSE IT IS, BECAUSE IF --

>> HOLD ON T IS.

>> YES.

IF --

>> HOW --

>> YOU WROTE THIS BY YOURSELF.

>> BY MYSELF.

>> YOU DIDN'T BUILD THIS.

>> ALL THOSE GIRLS WHO REJECTED YOU, THEY BUILT THIS.

>> WHERE IS THE PLANNED PARENTHOOD IN THIS COMMUNITY.

BECAUSE YOU REALIZE IF YOU DON'T CREATE A SAFE PLACE FOR THOSE TO HAPPEN, PEOPLE

ARE GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY EXCEPT THEY WILL DO IT RIGHT HERE IN THIS LITTLE TINY BACK ALLEY.

>> BUT THE ROOKIES QUICKLY FIND OUT THIS JOB IS NOT ALWAYS EASY.

>> HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO PLAN A [BLEEP] CONVENTION LIKE THIS.

>> I DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR.

I MEAN THESE ARE FAMILIES,

PEOPLE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME AND THIS IS A VERY LARGE TRAIN SHOW AND THERE'S A LOT

HERE TO SEE FOR EVERYBODY.

>> SORRY.

>> THINGS WERE GOING SOUTH FAST.

>> WITH JUST DAYS TO GO, THE 2004 HALL OF FAME CERTIFICATE BROUGHT BACK TO INSPIRE --

>> ARE YOU PATHETIC.

>> WHO?

>> WRONG, YOU HESITATED.

YOU FOUGHT, YOU CAN'T-- YOU THINK WOLF BLITZER THINKS?

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT.

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT.

YOU SAW IT AGAIN.

WHOSE'S THIS?

COME HERE.

>> WHO?

>> COME HERE.

>> THAT'S-- BACK ON THE FIELD, THE TEAM RUNS A SERIES OF KEY PLAYS.

LIKE THE SPECULATIVE CALL.

>> MY SOURCES ARE SAYING IT IS GOING TO BE THE BLUE TRAIN, THE BLUE TRAIN WILL BE [BLEEP] IT.

>> THE ASSAULT AND TWEET.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO EFFECTIVELY WOO THE LATINOS.

>> GIVE THEM REASONABLE PRICES.

>> ARE YOU SAYING LATINOS ARE POOR.

OH, I'M GOING TO TWEET THAT RIGHT NOW.

>> NO.

>> TOO LATE, YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK TWEETS.

>> THE SOUL CRUSHER.

>> WE NEED TO BE ELICITING REAL EMOTION FROM PEOPLE.

WATCH THIS.

>> YOU SEE THAT, THAT SAY BROKEN MAN.

THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

>> AND WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS,

THE HAIL MARY.

>> WHAT ARE YOUR POLITICAL LEANINGS.

>> CONSERVATIVE.

>> REALLY.

>> I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU SELL GRASS.

>> YEAH, I SELL GRASS.

>> GOT YOU.

>> WHEN IT COMES TO GOTCHAS WHAT MATTERS IS QUANTITY,

NOT QUALITY.

>> WHERE WERE THESE TRAINS MANUFACTURED, CHINA.

GOTCHA.

WHAT DO THEY RUN ON DIRTY COAL, GOTCHA, WHO IS THE PRESIDENT OF UZBEKISTAN,

GOTCHA, THREE IN A ROW,

WHOO.

THE GRUELING HOURS OF TRAINING ARE STARTING TO PAY OFF.

THE QUESTIONS STILL REMAIN.

WILL WE BE FAST ENOUGH.

WILL WE BE LOUD ENOUGH.

WILL WE BE CLOSE ENOUGH.

>> ALL DAY, ALL DAY.

>> WILL WE DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY TO GET TO THE STORY.

>> SENATOR, A WORD.

>> IF-- IS ANY INDICATION WE'RE READY.

>> LET'S RUN IT, OKAY, ON THREE, TWO-- NO, TIME, TIME,

TIME, TIME.

REPLAY, REPLAY, REPLAY.

>> THERE AREN'T MANY BLACK PEOPLE HERE S THAT INTENTIONAL.

>> BLACK FOLKS JUST DON'T SEEM TO CARE AS MUCH ABOUT THIS HOBBY AS OTHER FOLKS.

>> NO ONE CAN KNOW FOR SURE WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE FIRST BALLOON DROPS IN TAMPA.

>> WHERE ARE WE GOING PUT THESE MICROPHONES.

>> WHERE?

>> AGAIN, AGAIN.

>> ONE THING IS CERTAIN, THE DAILY SHOW NEWS TEAM GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING ON THE FIELD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

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