Democalypse 2012 - Right Said Fraud

  • Aired:  10/02/12
  •  | Views: 42,565

A Pennsylvania court rules against a controversial voter ID law, striking down a perfectly hypothetical solution to non-existent voter fraud. (5:15)

>> Jon: HEY, EVERYBODY!

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW." MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, LIAM NEESON, THE STAR OF "TAKEN, 2: THE TOOKNING." (LAUGHTER) CONTINUING WITH OUR LINEUP OF

GUESTS THAT ARE THREE TIMES THE SIZE OF ME.

(LAUGHTER) WHO DID WE HAVE ON LAST NIGHT?

WHO WAS ON THE SHOW LAST NIGHT?

SCHWARZENEGGER!

I DON'T WATCH THIS SHOW SO -- (LAUGHTER).

SCHWARZENEGGER.

WE HAD -- AMAR'E STOUDEMIRE, LIAM NISSAN, OE KWRAOEULLY.

THERE'S NOT ONE GUEST THIS PASS MONTH WHOSE ASS I CAN KICK.

(LAUGHTER) DOES DR. RUTH STILL DO SHOWS?

(LAUGHTER) LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT WITH THE URGENT ISSUE OF IN-PERSON VOTER FRAUD WHICH, BY ALL ACCOUNTS, IS

NONEXISTENT BUT NEVERTHELESS -- (LAUGHTER).

A MAJOR CONCERN FOR ALL AMERICANS.

PARTICULARLY IN SWING STATES CONTROLLED BY REPUBLICAN LEGISLATURES LIKE PENNSYLVANIA'S VOTER I.D. LAW.

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THAT LAW AGAIN PENNSYLVANIA'S REPUBLICAN HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER?

>> VOTER I.D. WHICH IS GOING TO ALLOW GOVERNOR ROMNEY TO WIN THE STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA.

DONE.

>> Jon: BUT HEY -- (LAUGHTER).

-- THIS IS JUST BETWEEN US CHICKENS, RIGHT?

HUH?

I MEAN, WHEN THE MICS AND THE CAMERAS GO ON PICK A LOCK, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

PICK A LOCK.

WHAT'S THAT RED -- OKAY, SO IT'S ON.

AS IT TURNS OUT, THE VOTER I.D.

LAWS OSTENSIBLY SET UP TO STOP NONEXISTENT INN-PERSON VOTER FRAUD HAVE THE RESIDUAL EFFECT OF DISENFRANCHISING AND

SUPPRESSING ACTUAL ELIGIBLE VOTERS.

DISPROPORTIONATELY OF THE MINORITY, POOR, AND ELDERLY VARIETY OR, AS THEY ARE SOMETIMES KNOWN, DEMOCRATS.

(LAUGHTER) OF COURSE, THAT LAW HAS BEEN CHALLENGED IN THE COURTS AND WE ARE EXPECTING A RULING -- (LAUGHTER).

ALL RIGHT, JUST ROLL THE RULING.

>> WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS RIGHT NOW.

A JUDGE HAS ISSUED A DECISION IN PENNSYLVANIA'S CONTROVERSIAL VOTER I.D. LAW.

>> Jon: ALL THOSE WITHOUT VOTER I.D. MUST GAY MARRY WHILST ON MEDICAL MARIJUANA DURING THE FIRST TRIMESTER!

THERE, I (BLEEP)ING SETTLED EVERYTHING!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) IT'S ALL DONE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ALL RIGHT.

WHAT DID THE ACTUAL JUDGE RULE?

>> THE JUDGE TODAY PUT A HOLD ON THAT NEW VOTER I.D. STATE LAW.

>> WHAT THE JUDGE SAYS HERE IS I'M JUST NOT CONVINCED IN MY PREDICTIVE JUDGMENT THAT THERE WON'T BE ANY VOTER

DISENFRANCHISEMENT ARISING OUT OF THIS NEW LAW.

>> Jon: FIRST OF ALL, DISENFRANCHISEMENT.

(LAUGHTER) SECOND OF ALL, TYPICAL LIBERAL JUDGE!

STRIKING DOWN A PERFECTLY HYPOTHETICAL SOLUTION FOR FEAR OF THE REAL HARM THAT IT DOES.

(LAUGHTER) SHOW ME ONE PERSON WHO THIS LAW WOULD DISENFRANCHISE.

>> BILL INTERNICOLA, A 91-YEAR-OLD ARMY VETERAN OF WORLD WAR II WHO EARNED THE BRONZE STAR AND LEGION OF HONOR

FOR HIS SERVICE IS ONE OF THE VOTERS TARGETED BY THE STATE AS A POTENTIAL NONCITIZEN.

>> Jon: PUH!

BRONZE STAR!

OH, WHAT DID HE COME IN THIRD IN THE WAR?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) DID HE -- DIDN'T EVEN WIN A SILVER OR GOLD IN THE WAR.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

THAT VERY SWEET COURAGEOUS ELDERLY MAN.

SHOW ME TWO PEOPLE!

>> 68-YEAR-OLD DORIS CLARK WAS TURNED DOWN THREE TIMES APPLYING FOR HER PENNSYLVANIA VOTER I.D.

CARD AND EVERY TIME, SHE SAYS, THE STATE WANTED ANOTHER DOCUMENT.

>> YOU FEEL LIKE WHY AM I GOING THROUGH ALL THESE THINGS?

I'M NOT BIN LADEN'S WIFE.

YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT BIN LADEN?

(LAUGHTER) BY THE WAY, WITH THAT COMMENT, YOU WOULD BE BIN LADEN'S WIDOW.

(LAUGHTER) SORRY, I'M NOT GOING TO REALLY BELIEVE THESE LAWS PERSECUTE ANYBODY UNTIL IT AFFECTS SOMEBODY FROM TELEVISION.

I.E., A REAL AMERICAN.

>> YESTERDAY JIM CRAMER, CNBC'S POPULAR HOST, TOLD HIS HALF MILLION TWITTER FOLLOWERS HIS ELDERLY FATHER "WON'T BE ALLOWED

TO VOTE BECAUSE HE DOES NOT DRIVE.

HE IS ELDERLY AND CAN'T PROVE HIS CITIZENSHIP."

>> Jon: I HATE KNOWING JIM CRAMER HAS A FATHER!

(LAUGHTER) WELL, I HOPE HE AND HIS FATHER ARE BOTH SITTING DOWN BECAUSE JIM CRAMER ALSO HAS A LONG-LOST BROTHER!

YES!

LOUIS C.K.!

YOU ARE JIM CRAMER'S LONG-LOST BROTHER!

(APPLAUSE) LOUIS C.K . THE "C.K." ST

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