Middle Eastern Politics: A Love Story

  • Aired:  06/16/14
  •  | Views: 131,467

As it struggles to stem the territorial gains of militant extremists in Iraq, America finds itself caught in a love triangle between Iran and Saudi Arabia. (5:21)

>> WELCOME BACK.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]IF ONE THING IS CLEAR, IF ONE

THING IS CLEAR, JUST ONE,AMERICA CAN'T SOLVE THE CRISIS

IN THE MIDDLE EAST BY ITSELF.

BUT WHO WILL HELP US?

RUSSIA?

CHINA?

[LAUGHTER]THE REST OF THE WORLD'S BUSY

WITH THE SOCCER THING I WASTELLING YOU ABOUT EARLIER.

[LAUGHTER]THERE'S NO ONE WE CAN TURN TO.

I DON'T, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHATTO DO.

♪♪ I'M ALL OUT OF LOVE.I'M SO LOST WITHOUT YOU. ♪♪

>> Jon: NO, AYATOLLAHKHOMEINI?

THE SUPREME LEADER OF IRAN?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

>> IRAN'S LEADERS HAVE SAID THEYARE WILLING TO WORK WITH THE

UNITED STATES, THE GREAT SATANIN THEIR VIEW,

IN ORDER FIGHT ISIS.

>> Jon: WHAT?

YOU'LL WORK WITH US, SATAN?

[LAUGHTER]YOU WOULD DO THIS?

I NEVER THOUGHT WE'D GET BACKTOGETHER, BUDDY.

IF YOU'RE WILLING TO GIVE IT ASHOT, IRAN MEET ME AT CAMERA

THREE.

[LAUGHTER]HEY, BABY.

I KNOW WE HURT EACH OTHER, BUTLET'S NOT FOCUS ON WHO OVERTHREW

WHO'S GOVERNMENT IN A C.I.A.

COUP OR WHO STORMED WHO'SEMBASSY OR WHO PUT WHO IN WHICH

AXIS OF WHAT.

[LAUGHTER]BECAUSE YOU KNOW WE BOTH CAN'T

STOP THINKING ABOUT EACH OTHER.

LET'S BE HONEST, YOUR NUCLEARWEAPONS PROGRAM WAS CLEARLY JUST

A WAY TO DRIVE BY OUR HOUSE AT3:00 A.M. AND HIT THE HORN.

AND YOU KNOW OUR SANCTIONS AREJUST US CALLING YOU DRUNK

CRYING.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, BABY?

LET'S PUT THE PAST BEHIND US ANDWORK TOGETHER, JUST,

JUST THE TWO OF US. JUST...

♪ DON'T YOUFORGET ABOUT ME ♪♪

WHAT THE HELL?

WHAT'S THAT?

WHERE'S? WHAT?

[LAUGHTER]KING ABDULLAH OF SAUDI ARABIA.

HEY, WHAT'S UP, YOUR HIGHNESS?

WHAT YOU DOING THERE?

HEY, STILL THE CENTER OF SUNNIISLAM?

BECAUSE IRAN, WE'RE JUSTTALKING.

THAT WAS JUST TALK. YOU KNOW,

WE'RE THINKING ABOUT DOINGSOMETHING TOGETHER TO FIGHT THIS

NEW SUNNI GROUP, BUT THAT'S VERYCASUAL.

THAT'S, THAT'S COOL WITH YOU,RIGHT?

>> ALL THE SUPPORT THAT ISIS ISGETTING, THAT THESE GROUPS THAT

ARE NOW MARCHING ARE GETTING AREFROM SAUDI ARABIA.

>> Jon: KING, YOUR SUBJECTSHAVE BEEN FUNDING THESE

EXTREMIST GROUPS?

HOW LONG'S THAT BEEN GOING ON?

>> WE'VE KNOWN FOR QUITE A WHILETHAT SAUDI ARABIA HAVE BEEN

FUNNELING A LARGE AMOUNTS OFMONEY TO TERRORIST

ORGANIZATIONS.

>> Jon: SON OF A --

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.WELL, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OFSOMETHING. HMPH.

[LAUGHTER]HEY, BABY.

NOW I SEE WHAT YOU'VE BEENSAYING ABOUT THOSE GUYS.

BOOP-BOOP.

PRETENDING TO CARE ABOUT US INTHE U.S., MEANWHILE THEY'RE

GOING AROUND FUNDINGANTI-AMERICAN RADICALS BEHIND

OUR BACK.

THAT'S NOT RESPECT.

SURE, YOU SAY DEATH TO AMERICAAND YOU BURN OUR FLAG, BUT YOU

DO IT TO OUR FACE, SO I THINKTHAT WE CAN PUT THIS BEHIND --

♪ MY MILK SHAKE BRINGS ALL THEBOYS TO THE YARD ♪♪

♪AND THEY'RE LIKE, IT'S BETTERTHAN YOURS ♪

SAUDI ARABIA, WE'RE DONE HERE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I SAW INYOU IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[AUDIENCE REACTS]

OH, THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S WHAT I

SAW, SWEET, DELICIOUS OIL, SOLIGHT, SO CRUDE.

♪ AND I RAN, I RAN SO FAR AWAY♪♪

>> Jon: HEY, WHAT'S UPAYATOLLAH? LISTEN, I KNOW WE

WERE TALKING BEFORE, BUT SAUDIARABIA, YOU KNOW, THEY GOT

OUR BACK WITH THE OIL THING, SOI DON'T KNOW, YOU MIGHT

CALL US A BLACK GOLD DIGGER IFYOU WILL, BUT YOU KNOW

WHAT I'M SAYING, WE GOT THELOOK OUT FOR OUR... OH.

ARE THOSE THOSE MISSILES WESECRETLY SOLD YOU IN

THE '80s TO HELP YOU FIGHTSADDAM?

THAT'S WHEN WE BOTH FIRSTREALIZED OUR SHARED LOVE OF

BOMBING IRAQ.

[LAUGHTER]YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT'S THE KIND

OF PARTNER WE NEED IN THE MIDDLEEAST, SOMEONE WHO WORKS WITH US

TOWARDS A COMMON GOAL, NOTSOMEONE WHO BUYS US WITH SLUDGE

WHILE FUNDING OUR ENEMIES.THAT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE...

♪ I GOT THE POWER ♪LOOK, IT'S OVER.

WE'RE DONE.

OUR AFFECTION CANNOT BE BOUGHT,SAUDI ARABIA.

IT'S... REALLY?

MORE?

MORE OIL?

YOU THINK WE'RE THAT DESPERATE?

I MEAN, IT DOES LOOK TASTY, BUTLOOK, WE HAVE TO BE WITH IRAN.

IT'S COMPLICATED WITH THEM, TOO,BUT THEY'RE SAYING SOME VERY

SWEET THINGS THESE DAYS, ANDI... [MUSIC PLAYING]

OH, [BLEEPED]. NO, NO, NO,HEY, HEY, WHAT'S UP?

OH, SORRY, BIBI NETANYAHU, ITHOUGHT YOU WERE OUT OF TOWN FOR

"HAZZENASENHA" THE JEWISHFESTIVAL OF GUILT AND

PASSIVE AGGRESSION. WHAT ARE YOUDOING HERE?

THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE,BUBBIE.

IT'S JUST US PLOTTING SECRETALLIANCES WITH YOUR TWO MORTAL

ENEMIES. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW,

I BETTER GET THE [BLEEPED] OUTOF HERE.

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