La Cage Aux Fools

  • Aired:  05/19/11
  •  | Views: 201,156

Bernard-Henri Levy and Ben Stein use airtight reasoning to defend Dominique Strauss-Kahn against sexual assault charges. (5:06)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK TO THE

SHOW!

SO DOMINIQUE STRAUSS-KAHN

FORMER HEAD OF THE

INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND

WAS ARRESTED THIS WEEK AFTER

AGENCIEDLY SEXUALLY

ASSAULTING A HOTEL MADE HAS

POSTED BAIL OF $1 MILLION IN

CASH.

HOW DOES THE HEAD OF THE

INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND

GET THAT KIND-- WELL, THERE

GOES NIGERIA'S MOSQUITO NET

MONEY.

ALL RIGHT.

OBVIOUSLY ONE IS PRESUMED

INNOCENT--

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.

ONE WOULD LIKE TO RESERVE

JUDGEMENT, LET THE COURTS DO

THEIR WORK.

OF COURSE THAT HAS NOT

PREVENTED STRAUSS-KAHN

SUPPORTERS FROM MAKING THE

CASE FOR HIS INNOCENCE.

FOR INSTANCE FRENCH

PHILOSOPHER BERNARD HENRI

LEVY, LOOK IT UP, PEOPLE,

THAT'S HOW IT IS PRONOUNCED,--

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: HE HAS WRITTEN IN AN

ESSAY, QUOTE, I DO NOT KNOW

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

SATURDAY.

BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO KNOW

HOW A CHAMBER MADE COULD

HAVE WALKED IN ALONE,

CONTRARY TO THE HABITUAL

PRACTICE OF MOST OF NEW

YORK'S HOTELS OF SENDING A

CLEANING BRIGADE OF TWO

PEOPLE INTO THE ROOM.

THAT'S YOUR GOTCHA?

EVERYONE KNOWS MADES COME IN

PAIRS?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: AND BY THE WAY, ONLY

THE FRENCH WOULD REFER TO

TWO MADES AS A BRIGADE.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: AND THAT'S JUST

JUST-- INTERESTING, LITTLE

KNOWN FACT.

IN WORLD WAR II GERMANY'S

ORIGINAL CONQUERING FORCE

THROUGH PARIS WAS ACTUALLY

JUST A CLEANING CREW.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: ACROSS THE RHINE AND

INTO PARIS, NOTHING MORE

THAN A PUSH BROOM AND

DECORATIVE SOAPS.

LOOK, ALL RIGHT, THREE NAMED

FRENCH GUYS A HAVE TO STICK

TOGETHER.

BUT STRAUSS-KAHN HAS A

SECOND DEFENDER WITH EQUALLY

AIRTIGHT REASONING.

>> FORMER NIXON SPEECHWRITER

BEN STEIN IS MAKING EXCUSES

FOR THE GUY.

>> Jon: BEN STEIN?

FROM WIN BEN STEIN'S MONEY?

FERRIS BUELLER?

THE COMMERCIALS FOR BEACH

BALL MOISTURIZER?

>> STEIN WRITES PROSECUTORS

SAY THAT MR. STRAUSS-KAHN

FORCED THE COMPLAINANT TO

HAVE ORAL AND OTHER SEX WITH

HIM.

HOW DID HE HAVE A GUN?

DID HE HAVE A KNIFE?

HE'S A SHORT, FAT, OLD MAN.

>> Jon: YES K HE'S NOT

MERELY IN THE KIND OF RAPING

SHAPE HE USED TO BE IN.

I MEAN 15 YEARS AGO THIS GUY

WAS A RAPING MACHINE.

THAT IS A TERRIBLE DEFENSE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: GOT SOMETHING WORSE?

>> AND CAN ANYONE TELL ME

ANY ECONOMISTS WHO HAVE BEEN

CONVICTED OF VIOLENT SEX

CRIMES?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: ANYONE, ANYONE?

ANYONE?

BUMER-- BUHLER?

BUHLER?

SO NOT BEING ABLE TO

IDENTIFY ANY ECONOMISTS WHO

HAVE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED

PEOPLE IS EVIDENCE OF

STRAUSS-KAHN'S EVIDENCE.

OF COURSE THAT WOULD MEAN ON

THE FLIP SIDE A LAUNDRY LIST

OF ECONOMISTS WHO COMMITTED

SECT ALL CRIMES WOULD BE

IPSO FACTO EVIDENCE OF HIS

GILL.

IF IT PLEASES THE COURT,

RICHARD NYWANGA ECONOMICS

PROFESSOR IN STRAUSSBERG

UNIVERSITY CONVICTED OF

SECTION ASSAULT, ROBERT

VANDER HOE, ECONOMICS

PROFESSOR AT ROCKFORD

COLLEGE PLED GUILTY OF

SEXUAL ABUSE LAST DECEMBER

AND ROBERT MABUSH, A FRENCH

ECONOMIST WHO WORKED AT THE

WORLD BANK CONVICTED IN 1997

OF SEXUALLY ASSAULTING, WAIT

FOR IT, A HOUSEKEEPER.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WELL A CORDING TO MY

DATA, ECONOMISTS ARE THE

RAPIEST PROFESSION GOING.

IT TURNS DOURBT --

(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: THE INVISIBLE HAND

OF THE MARKET IS VERY

[BLEEP] TOUCHY-FEELY.

SO I REALLY HOPE-- IT IS A

REDISTRIBUTION OF RAPE.

I HOPE YOU HAVE SOMETHING

BEYOND COME ON, ECONOMISTS

DON'T DO THAT.

BESIDES, YOU'VE BARELY EVEN

DEGRADED THE VICTIM YET.

>> HE GOES ON TO WRITE I'VE

HAD HOTEL MADES THAT WERE

COMPLETE LUNATICS.

>> Jon: AND THERE YOU GO.

A LITTLE BIT OF ADVICE.

THE NEXT TIME YOU STAY IN A

HOTEL, I URGE YOU, SIR, IF

YOU GET TURN DOWN SERVICE,

DO NOT EAT THAT CHOCOLATE

THEY LEAVE FOR YOU ON THE

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