Parliament Slight

  • Aired:  08/02/11
  •  | Views: 133,198

A proper newsman could call members of Parliament "baby-eating goatf**kers," but since Jon's a comedic host, England censors his sincere praise of their government. (7:10)

OF POWERS.

[LAUGHTER]

MOVING ON FOR A MOMENT FROM OUR

DEBT CRISIS.

IN RECENT WEEKS WE'VE BEEN

TALKING ABOUT GREAT BRITAIN'S

NEWS OF THE WORLD SCANNEDDAL.

THE SORDID TALE OF A TABLOID

NEWSPAPER WHOSE NEWS GATHERING

METHODOLOGY CONSISTED HACKING

INTO VOICE MAILS, THE POLICE

PAID OFF TO ALLOW THEM TO DO SO

AND THE POLITICIANS WHO CURRIED

THEIR FAVOR.

AND IF YOU EVER DO GO TO ENGLAND

TRIED THE CURRIED FAVOR, -- --

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU RECALL PARLIAMENT HELD AN

INQUIRY INTO THE INCIDENT EVEN

DRAGGING PRIME MINISTER DAVID

CAMERON IN FRONT OF PARLIAMENT

FOR A RIGHT CLOSE ROGERING

SQUARE IN THE BOULDERS.

WE TALKED ABOUT IT HERE.

>> DID THE PRIME MINISTER WANT

TO BE KEPT IN THE DARK OR IS HE

ANGRY WITH HIS CHIEF OF STAFF?

>> I'M WAITING FOR A REPLY.

>> HE IS NOT OBVIOUSLY SMELL A

RAT WHEN HE HAS ONE IN HIS MITTS

>> Jon: ENGLAND IS AWESOME.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]

WHO IS THAT YOUNG GO GETTER?

WHO DOES NOT APPEAR TO BE FIVE

TO EIGHT TIME ZONES BEHIND

EVERYBODY ELSE RIGHT NOW?

THAT'S THE SEGMENT YOU SAW IF

YOU WERE WATCHING OUR SHOW IN

AMERICA OR ONE OF 85 COUNTRIES

WHERE THE GLOBAL EDITION IS

BROADCAST INCLUDING SUCH FREE

SPEECH HAVENS AS CHAD, SOMALIA,

SAUDI ARABIA, SYRIA AND GEMMEN.

I'M -- YEMEN.

I'M HUGE IN YEMEN.

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY IN GREAT

BRITAIN HERE IS WHAT YOU SAW OF

THAT SEGMENT.

♪ ♪

YOU DIDN'T SEE IT.

THEY CENSORED IT.

WHY?

WE WERE PRAISING THEM.

ARE YOU NOT ALLOWED TO PRAISE

ENGLAND IN ENGLAND?

IS IT THAT A RESULT OF THE 1683

EAT IT TO FALSE -- EDICT TO

FALSE MODESTY IS IT BECAUSE

PRAISE FROM AN AMERICAN MAKES

YOU FEEL DIRTY.

IT TURNS OUT OUR SHOW IS

CENSORED IN ENGLAND BECAUSE WE

AIRED FOOTAGE OF OUR PARLIAMENT

ON A COMEDY PROGRAM.

THIS IS TRUE, IT'S ILLEGAL TO

USE PARLIAMENTARY FOOTAGE IN A

COMEDIC OR SATIRICAL CONTEXT.

IF YOU WERE A RIGHT HONORABLE

NEWSCASTER I COULD HAVE SHOWN

THE SAME FOOTAGE COME BACK ON

CAMERA AND SO EMILY SAY, TONIGHT

WE HAVE NO CONFIRMATION THAT THE

MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT ARE BABY

EATING GOAT (bleep).

[LAUGHTER]

BUT WE HAVE NOT RECEIVED OR

ACTUALLY ASKED FOR ANY DENIALS

OF IT EITHER.

THAT IS SOMETHING THE ENGLISH

AUDIENCE WOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED

TO WATCH BUT A SINCERE OFFERING

OF ADMIRATION FROM A COMEDIAN IS

ILLEGAL.

SEEMS CRAZY.

I'VE SEEN PARLIAMENTARY FOOTAGE

USED ON SATIRICAL SHOWS IN

BRITAIN BEFORE.

>> THE RIGHT HONORABLE GENTLEMAN

MAY BE AT HOME BUT HE IS THE

TINY WILTED VEGETABLE --

>> Stephen: IF THEY CAN SHOW

PARLIAMENTARY FOOTAGE IN ENGLAND

WHY CAN'T WE IN AMERICA -- WHAT

IS THAT?

THOSE ARE PUPPETS?

[LAUGHTER]

ARE YOU SURE BECAUSE I'VE SEEN

BRITISH PEOPLE AND THOSE

FIGURES -- THOSE LOOK ACTUALLY,

THEY LOOK ACTUALLY SOMEWHAT

HEALTHIER THAN MANY OF THE --

ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S FINE.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW WE BUMPED UP AGAINST

THIS BEFORE.

AS YOU KNOW WHEN WILLIAM AND

KATE WERE MARRIED AT WESTMINSTER

ABBEY WE WERE NOT ABLE TO USE

THAT FOR SATIRICAL PROGRAMS.

BUT WITH THE -- WE WERE ABLE TO

SHOW A POSITIVE REENACTMENT OF

THE NUPTIALS AND CONSUMMATION

THERE AFTER.

[LAUGHTER]

WAS HITLER REALLY DROOLING AS AN

HEIR TO THE THROWN WAS BEING

VIGOROUSLY CONCEIVED?

THAT'S A MATTER FOR HISTORIANS

TO DECIDE.

BUT THE FOOTAGE WE SHOWED TWO

WEEKS AGO WAS FROM THE HOUSE OF

COMMONS, THE PEOPLES' HOUSE.

I UNDERSTAND NOT BEING ALLOWED

TO POKE FUN AT ENGLAND THE

CENT'S LONGEST EXPERIMENT SUCH

AS ENGLISH NOBILITY.

THEY ARE UNDERSTANDABLY AND

PERHAPS FATALLY THIN SKINNED.

HAVING HAD THEIR POWER

DIMINISHED ALONG WITH THEIR

ABILITY TO PRODUCE PLATELETS.

BUT THE HOUSE OF COMMONS IS THE

MOST BASIC EXPRESSION OF BRITISH

DEMOCRACY!

IS THAT TOO POWERFUL FOR A GOOD

NATURED KICK TO THE CLOTTED

CREAMS.

PERHAPS IT'S THE PEOPLE YOU ARE

PROTECTING, PERHAPS THE DELICATE

SENSIBILITIES OF YOUR KIND

CANNOT STAND A -- MY POINT IS

YOU ARE PROBABLY JUST PROTECTING

THEM.

BUT HERE IS THE THING, I HAVE

SEEN THE (bleep) YOU SHOW ON

CHANNEL 4.

WHAT YOU CONSIDER APPROPRIATE

PRIMETIME FAMILY FARE AVAILABLE

IS NOT NON-STOP SUCK AND

(bleep) FEST OF TEENAGE

SHAGGING, GAY ORGIES, LIVE

AUTOPSY APBSZ THIS LADY.

>> HAVING OPENED UP HER HEART TO

JILLAN I'M AFRAID IT'S LAURA'S

BOWELS NEXT ON THE LIST.

>> IF YOU SWITCH TO FRESH

FRUITS, VEGETABLES, SEEDS, NUTS,

SEAWEEDS YOU CAN PRODUCE A

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT POO, ONE

THAT IS AROMATIC.

>> Jon: BY THE WAY THAT IS

JUST YOUR PROGRAMMING.

FORGIVE ME FOR LEAVING OUT

ADVERTISEMENTS.

>> MIGHT I INTEREST YOU IN PORK

SAUSAGE?

I KNOW YOU ARE THINKING.

YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT ALL THE

THINGS YOU COULD DO WITH IT,

AREN'T YOU?

>> Jon: YES, I'M THINKING

ABOUT BEING RAPED BY MY

BREAKFAST.

IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.

[LAUGHTER]

I MEAN FOR GOD SAKES WHO IS THE

ARBITER OF WHAT GETS TO GO ON

THE AIR IN YOUR COUNTRY?

AMERICAS POKING FUN AT

PARLIAMENTARY SATIRE.

I CAN'T HAVE THAT.

NEW YORK CITY I WOULDN'T.

-- NO I WON'T!

OOOH.

HELLLLOOOO, PLEASE -- ANYWAY.

PARLIAMENT THING IS -- I JUST

DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU

WOULDN'T AIR IT.

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