Democalypse 2012 - Cash of the Titans - Monetizing the Obama Presidency

  • Aired:  06/13/12
  •  | Views: 25,055

Barack Obama is a likable guy with many talents; if he wants to remain President, he's going to have to exploit them all. (2:52)

ROMNEY.

IMAGINE HOW MUCH MONEY HE WOULD GIVE IF HE LIKED HIM.

MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'RE SCREWED.

NO AMOUNT OF UPSTATE COFFEE KLATCHES ARE GOING TO UP TO TO $10 MILLION.

YOU NEED TO MONETIZE THIS PRESIDENCY.

YOU'RE LEAVING TOO MUCH MONEY ON THE TABLE.

THERE'S NO REASON THE NEXT JOINT SESSION CAN'T BE MONETIZED.

BOOM.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) MY FELLOW AMERICANS, THE NEXT STATE OF THE UNION IS

SURPRISINGLY REFRESHING.

AND DON'T STOP THERE.

REMEMBER WHEN YOU OVERSAW THE KILLING OF OSAMA BIN LADEN.

YOU MUST KNOWN THIS PHOTO WOULD GO VIRAL.

YOU HAD TONG OF IT AS AN ASSASSIN-OPPORTUNITY.

AND BY THE WAY, SPEAKING OF TONY THE TIGER WHO IS IN THERE, HOW ABOUT YOUR OWN PRODUCT LINE?

OH, SILLY RABBIT.

TAKE THE SHOT.

TAKE THE SHOT.

( APPLAUSE ) ( BLEEP ) THAT RABBIT.

( LAUGHTER ) SO HE'S TAKEN CEREAL FROM CHILDREN.

IT'S NOT RIGHT.

TAKE THE SHOT.

( LAUGHTER ) PLUS, MR. PRESIDENT WHAT, ABOUT SOME RETAIL OPPORTUNITIES.

>> TYLER SULLIVAN WENT TO SEE PRESIDENT OBAMA GIVE A SPEECH LAST FRIDAY AND THE PRESIDENT

OFFERED TO MAKE SURE TYLER DIDN'T GET AN UNEXCUSED ABSENT.

>> HE CAME UP AND HE ASKED ME IF HE WANTED AN EXCUSE NOTE SINCE I WAS MISSING SCHOOL FRIDAY.

>> Jon: BOOM!

AND AN EXTRA 20 BUCKS GETS THAT KID OUT OF GYM FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.

( LAUGHTER ).

MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'RE A LIKABLE GUY WITH A LOT OF TALENTS, AND

IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN PRESIDENT,

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO EXPLOIT ALL OF THEM.

>> IS THAT BALM ROCK?

>> IT SURE IS.

>> WELL, TURN IT UP.

>> OBAMA ROCK WITH ALL THE PRESIDENT'S TOM HITS.

"LET'S STAY TOGETHER." "SWEET HOME CHICAGO."

"LET'S STAY TOGETHER." AND WHO COULD FORGET "SWEET HOME CHICAGO."

>> SMOOTH.

HEY, HOW MUCH IS OBAMA ROCK?

>> THOSE TWO SONG FRAGMENTS CAN BE YOURSELF FOR JUST $2,500.

>> YOU MEAN THE STATUTORY LIMIT FOR INDIVIDUAL LIMITS TO A CANDIDATE FOR FEDERAL OFFICE FOR ELECTION.

>> MAKE CHECK OR MONEY ORDER CARE OF: SEND YOUR MONEY NOW.

>> IKE RIGHT NOW.

BALM ROCK.

( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon

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