The Amazing Base

  • Aired:  03/10/14
  •  | Views: 91,374

Republican leaders vie to become the next presidential hopeful heir apparent at the Conservative Political Action Conference. (4:10)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

NOT TOO MUCH -- NOT TOO MUCH WEDON'T WANT TO UPSET STAR.

COME ON, EVERYBODY.

[LAUGHTER]ALL RIGHT.

MY GUEST TONIGHT PAUL TAYLORAUTHOR OF "THE NEXT AMERICA."

WHICH I THINK WE CAN ALL ASSUMEIS A LIST OF COUNTRIES WE'RE

GOING TO TAKE OVER.

[ LAUGHTER ]ALL RIGHT.

BUT -- THAT WASN'T EVEN IRONICCLAPPING.

THEY ARE REALLY EXCITED.

[LAUGHTER]CANADA, HMMM.

THIS WEEKEND WAS THE ANNUALGATHERING OF THE GAPALOS ALSO

KNOWN AS THE CONSERVATIVEPOLITICAL ACTION

CONFERENCE.>> CONSERVATIVE ALL STARS

HEADLINING THIS WEEK'SCPAC CONVENTION. IT'S ALWAYS

BEEN PART POLITICALCONVENTION, PART PEP RALLY.

>> IT'S LIKE WOODSTOCK FOR RIGHTWINGERS

Jon: WHICH IS LIKE LILLITHFAIR FOR DUDES. OR BURNING

MAN FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T DODRUGS AND ARE AFRAID OF FIRE.

>> COME ON.

GET IT UP.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]GOOD MORNING.

>> Jon: GET IT UP.

COME ON.

[ LAUGHTER ]YEAH, LET ME SEE YOUR DICKS.

OH, YEAH.

TAKE OUT AND JERK IT FORAMERICA, COME ON!

OH, LOVE IT.

YEAH, SHOW ME YOUR BALLS ANDYOUR SHAFT AND -- I CAN'T

REMEMBER THE THIRD ONE.

HOLD ON.

[ LAUGHTER ]OOPS.

[ LAUGHTER ]THE HEAD, HEAD.

SINCE BEING TROUNCEDOBVIOUSLY --

[LAUGHTER]-- THAT IS THE WORST SEGUE IN

THE WORLD TO GO FROM SHOW MEYOUR DICK GUY TO ANYWAY, MOVING

ON.

[ LAUGHTER ]HAVING BEEN TROUNCED IN NATIONAL

ELECTIONS BY A COMMUNIST MUSLIMDICTATOR MOM JEANS WEARING PUSSY

TYRANT, REPUBLICANS ARELOOKING FOR A LEADER.

AND ONE BY ONE THE CANDIDATESSTEPPED FORWARD TO STATE THEIR

CASE WITH HUMOR.

>> WE HAVE LONG THOUGHT AND SAIDTHIS PRESIDENT IS A SMART MAN.

IT MAY BE TIME TO REVISIT THATASSUMPTION.

NEWS BREAKS ON FOX ARE LONGERTHAN TEN MINUTES AND IT TAKES

BARACK OBAMA LONGER THAN TENMINUTES JUST TO COMPLAIN ABOUT

FOX NEWS EVERY PRESS CONFERENCEHE HAS.

>> THE PRESIDENT OF UNITEDSTATES IS TREATING OUR

CONSTITUTION WORSE THAN APLACEMAT AT DENNY'S.

>> Jon: UH, YEP THAT'S WHAT HEIS DOING ALL RIGHT.

HE IS SPILLING FOOD ALL OVER THECONSTITUTION.

[ LAUGHTER ]THERE'S KETCHUP ON THE PREAMBLE.

A COFFEE MUG RING ON THE FIRSTAMENDMENT. YEP.

THE POINT IS THESE GUYS AREKILLING IT.

THIS CROWD IS SO HOT THERE'S NOWAY YOU CAN BOMB.

>> LAST FALL JAY LENO SAID SOTHE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING UP,

THANKSGIVING, YOU KNOW THE FIRSTTHANKSGIVING THE PILGRIMS SAID

TO THE INDIANS IF YOU LIKE YOURLAND, YOU CAN KEEP IT.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: IT'S A JOKE.

THE PILGRIMS AND OBAMA AND THEHEALTH CARE SET UP THROUGH THE

AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE ACT.[LAUGHTER]

AND GENOCIDE OF THENATIVE AMERICAN POPULATION,

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.TOO SOON? [LAUGHTER]

LISTEN, CRUZ, DON'T QUIT YOUR

DAY JOB.

LET ME REPHRASE THAT.

QUIT YOUR DAY JOB.

OTHER LEADERS.

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